


The Great Unknown

by nicoleadriana



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 09:08:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 79,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4174143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicoleadriana/pseuds/nicoleadriana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean Winchester, the trouble making recluse of Truman High, starts to find solace in the all but invisible Castiel Novak, for the first time ever, Castiel is thrown for a loop. For these two troubled teenagers, finding the light at the end of the seemingly infinite tunnel that is their lives once seemed impossible. But, they soon learn that no matter how alone they seem and how cruel the world is to them, there is someone out there who understands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And So It Began

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction. I do not, by any means, own Supernatural or any of the characters in this story.  
> Readers may come across some sensitive material, for instance, situations involving depression, homophobia, child abuse, drug and alcohol use, self harm, and child neglect. Please consider this if you continue to read, in case any of these topics are triggers to you.

_"We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken."_

_\- Fyodor Dostoevsky_

 

Dean Winchester was a force to be reckoned with.

As he strode down the hallways of Truman High, he caught the attention of nearly everyone around him. It was like Dean was a blazing white light and the rest of them were flies that uncontrollably needed to fixate themselves on him as he passed by.

Dean put his lips to a lit cigarette that he was casually gripping in between his fingers. The edgy act instantly gained a reaction from the crowd around him. Whether it had been the sound of swooning girls or snide comments under someone’s breath, either way, every person that was in Dean’s presence had some kind of reaction to him. He never went unnoticed.

Ironically, even though all eyes were always on Dean, he never seemed to pay any mind to those who couldn’t get their eyes off of him. He kept his eyes forward, his face completely deadpan, walking as if on a mission. The first bell rang and the crowd of students in the hallway began to dissolve as they scurried to their classes in hopes not to be written up by their teacher’s for being late. One person that didn’t seem worried in the slightest unsurprisingly was Dean Winchester.

It was a rarity when Dean actually arrived to his classes, let alone on time. By now, his attendance was so questionable, that his teachers had given up their rants and lectures to him about how it is important that he does not skip class. They also stopped bothering to give him detention since he never would show up to them anyways.

Dean walked right out one of the side doors of the school, cigarette now balanced gracefully in between his lips. He would usually abide around the smoking area of the courtyard, but today Dean was feeling spontaneous. He decided that he wanted to change things up, so he headed along to the side of the school where there was a small path. As he sauntered around the school, he suddenly stopped right in his tracks as someone caught his eye.

There was a boy huddled up against the brick wall of the school, knees nearly to his chest as he was peering down at a book that was resting on his legs. The boy was familiar to Dean. He recognized the unruly black hair and the slender frame, almost uncertain of where to place him, before recalling that this was a boy who was currently in his English literacy class. Ah, yes, now it was all coming to him. This boy sat in the front of the class every day, head usually down in a book or rushing through assignments and handing them in record time. Castiel, was it? Dean thought that was the name he recalled hearing from the attendance.

Dean confidently walked over to where the boy was sitting, taking a puff from his cigarette, blowing the smoke from the side of his mouth. He settled himself down right next to the curled up boy, letting himself look him over for a brief moment.

As Dean sat down, Castiel was just finishing up a chapter in his book, he looked up and was startled to see someone next to him. He physically jumped a bit, not having seen him coming before since he was so into his book.

Dean gave the frightened boy his signature sideways smile that usually left hearts melting before he took a slow drag. “You don’t mind if I sit here, do you?” He asked, completely stuck on the blue oceans of eyes Castiel had. He then let his gaze lower, slowly making its way down his body. Dean didn’t even try to be subtle as he checked him out. He wasn’t a subtle person after all. He did and said whatever he wanted and the last thing he cared about was opinions that other people had of his straight forward attitude.

Castiel still looked spooked, as if he was looking at a ghost or something. “I-I… Uhm…” He stuttered out from being caught off guard. His cheeks suddenly burst with red color and he tried to collect himself. “… I don’t care.” He looked down before daring to make eye contact with Dean again. “But, can you put out your cigarette? I didn’t come out here to get secondhand smoke from you. And I’m kind of busy. I don’t want to be disturbed.” He told him bluntly, gesturing to the book he was holding. He just hoped that his bold response would brush off his prior moment of being flustered.

Dean raised an eyebrow at him, a small smirk still playing on his face. He took one last drag and put the cigarette down next to his foot, crushing the end with his shoe to put it out to satisfy Castiel’s request. “I won’t be no bother.” Dean replied, continuing to stare. He noticed the eye roll he received from Castiel before he went back to reading his book, and Dean couldn’t help but smile a little to himself.

His gaze finally left the dark haired boy, turning his attention to an old, prime condition Walkman he had in his jean pocket. He put on a pair of bulky headphones that were previously around his neck and began playing his music, turning it as loud as it could get without it being a disturbance. With that, Dean closed his eyes and rested his head back against the hot brick wall behind him, soon getting completely lost in his own head as psychedelic rock played in his ears.

When Dean was listening to his music, Castiel chanced a glance at Dean, unable to help himself. It was like Dean had a face that just demanded to be looked at. His lips were moving a bit, mouthing the words to whatever song he was listening to, bobbing his head slightly to the beat. Castiel could hear the music playing faintly from where he was sitting, but it wasn’t really bothering him much. He bit his lip softly just now noticing that he was gawking at Dean for probably a straight minute. The realization made his cheeks turn a soft shade of pink and Castiel quickly turned back to his book before Dean could open his eyes and catch Castiel staring.

Dean shifted his arm slightly and Castiel stilled. He could feel the leather from Dean’s coat brush up against his skin, causing goosebumps to involuntarily invade his whole body. Castiel moved over a few inches from Dean so no physical contact was being made; but Dean was still close enough for his heart to race entirely too fast. Castiel just tried to focus on his book, re-reading the same sentence he was on since Dean had arrived.

And they stayed just like that until the bell rang, signaling that the first class period was over. Neither Castiel nor Dean had really talked to each other, both of them just doing their own thing in the company of one another. It was all pretty weird for Castiel, feeling a bit self-conscious with Dean randomly sitting with him. Dean, on the other hand, didn’t seem the least bit bothered by the company. He was so entranced with his music, he basically couldn’t be disturbed.

Castiel closed his book and stood up to leave. Dean’s eyes finally opened, coming back to reality when he sensed Castiel moving. He stood up as well and put his headphones back around his neck, music still playing from them.

Castiel gaze went from Dean, to the ground, and then back to Dean. He was expecting _something_. Anything. He had just spent a good hour sitting beside this stranger, and Castiel thought that now Dean would have something to say. A goodbye, or a 'nice sitting with you', or even a rude comment. Dean had to say something!

But, no. Dean just turned his attention back to his Walkman and turned the volume up high. Before he left, he looked back at Castiel, who was just staring at him with wide eyes, and winked at him, the sideways grin coming back to his face.And with that, Dean walked back towards the school, disappearing in a crowd of students that were going to their classes.

Castiel was left just standing there, staring off in the direction that Dean went. What the hell was that all about? He shook his head, totally confused about the whole situation. He didn’t know why Dean sat with him or what that wink and smirk meant. This all made no sense! Castiel didn’t even know Dean. Not really anyways. All that he really knew about Dean was that he had that whole ‘bad boy’ reputation going for him and that according to almost everyone, he was bad news. Over the past couple years, Castiel did remember a few fights that had started and Dean having been a participant. It seemed wherever he went, trouble went.

So, why would he sit with some nerd like him? Was it some kind of prank? Or did Dean just want to make him feel uncomfortable or something?

Castiel’s questions came to a sudden halt when he heard the bell for second period to begin go off. He cursed to himself and rushed back inside. Great. Now he was late to class. All because of that enigma, Dean Winchester.

\-----------------------

After being late to his class, Castiel had to make the walk of shame to his desk. All eyes were on him, making him feel very uneasy since he hated having the spotlight be on him. He sat in his regular seat in the front, taking out his textbook and notes. He began writing down what was on the board until he felt a tap on his shoulder. Before he could even turn around, he knew it was Charlie. She had been his best friend ever since the first grade, when she asked him to sit with her at lunch since he didn’t know anyone and had been crying, eating lunch on the floor prior to that. They had stayed friends through the years, being in many of the same classes together since they were both in most of the advanced placement leveled courses because they were both total nerds.

“Damn Cas, late to class? Is your rebellious side finally starting to come out of you?” Charlie asked him teasingly in a near whisper.

“Oh, shut up. This wasn’t my fault.” Castiel retorted and rolled his eyes at her, trying his best to be quiet so they wouldn’t get in any trouble with the teacher.

“What do you mean? What happened then?” Charlie raised an eyebrow at Castiel in suspicion.

“I just ran into someone…”

“Ran into someone? Like, literally, or…?” Charlie thought it was a fair question. She knew it wouldn’t be the first time; Castiel was a pretty clumsy person.

“No, not literally.” Castiel sighed heavily and opened his mouth to try to explain before their teacher stopped and gave them a look. Castiel quickly went back to taking notes, biting his lip when he felt Charlie anxiously tapping away at his shoulder. “Charlie, not now.” He muttered.

“C’mon, Cas. Just tell me who you ran into.” Charlie persisted, pouting cutely and batting her eyes at him.

Castiel sighed in defeat, knowing she wouldn’t stop until he spilled the beans. “Dean Winchester.”

“ _What?!"_ Charlie squeaked out, eyes widening. “God, Cas, what were you doing running into Dean Winchester?”

“I wasn’t doing anything!”

Their teacher turned back to face them, giving them an unimpressed look. “Castiel, I wouldn’t recommend you continue chatting, especially since you were already late to class. Do not make me tell you again.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry.” Castiel cheeks flamed red from the public embarrassment. He turned a bit in his chair to glare at Charlie, but she gave him that innocent apologetic look and he knew he couldn’t actually be mad at her.

Castiel made sure not to make any more side conversation, sticking to just copying down the notes on the board and paying attention to the lecture that the teacher was giving. The last thing he needed was to get on the bad side with the teacher and then get into trouble. When class ended, Castiel was heading out to his locker with Charlie when she grabbed his arm to stop him.

“So?!” She looked at him expectantly.

“So, what?” Castiel asked, deciding that he was just going to brush off this situation.

“Oh, please!” Charlie groaned. “You need to give me all of the juicy details. You ran into Dean Winchester for Christ’s sake! Now spill.”

Castiel took a deep breath and shrugged. “There honestly isn’t much to tell, Charlie. I was just sitting out during my free period reading and out of nowhere I see someone sitting next to me, and it was Dean. He started listening to music and I kept reading and that’s it.” He really was trying to play it cool, but just the memory of the incident had Castiel’s mind race.

Charlie’s mouth was agape as Castiel spoke, in total shock. “You are such a liar!”

“Am not! Why would I lie about that?”

“That’s crazy!” Charlie laughed a little bit as they continued walking to Castiel’s locker to get his lunch. “So, he just randomly decides to sit with you?” She asked, trying to understand this correctly.

Castiel shrugged. “Yeah, pretty much. Is it really that big of a deal?”

“Well, I mean, yeah! It’s Dean freaking Winchester! He’s only like the biggest untouchable rebel in the whole damn school.” Charlie said as if it was obvious. “Have you guys even talked before?”

“Well, no…”

“And he just sits with you?!”

“Charlie, how many times do I have to tell you?” Castiel asked in slight frustration as he grabbed his brown paper bag with his lunch.

Charlie chuckled and shook her head. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry, but you can’t blame me for being surprised. That’s just so… Out of nowhere.” She looked more serious now. A few seconds of silence went by until Charlie finally spoke up with a genuine question for Castiel. “Did he hit on you?”

Castiel’s eyes widened and he stopped dead in his tracks at the question. “What? Charlie, no, of course not! Why would you even ask something that ridiculous?” He asked incredulously.

“Well, I mean, it’s not that crazy of a question. I’ve heard a lot of rumors that Dean is bisexual. And it’s not like he’s a prude. He’s a flirt, everyone knows that.”

Castiel ogled at her, still in shock from the previous question. “Well, he, I…. No. No, he didn’t hit on me.” He grumbled, looking a little bit defensive.

“Okay, jeez, don’t bite my head off.” Charlie wrapped an arm around Castiel’s shoulder. “And hey, it’s really not that ridiculous. You’re smart and nice and a great catch. Plus you’re hot, so there’s that.” She added and gave him a wink.

“Shut up.” Castiel both looked and felt in much better spirits now as the pair went to their usual lunch spot out in the courtyard, at the picnic bench that was farthest away from the school.

Charlie had got the hot lunch that the school served and came to the table looking very displeased. “Ugh, meatloaf again. You know this is probably the same meat they have been using for the last couple days, right?” She said in disgust, picking at the food with her fork.

“Why don’t you just pack a lunch then? That way you know you’re food is going to be good.” Castiel said as he took a bite of his sandwich he had prepared for himself this morning.

“You know I don’t have any time for that, Cas. I wake up literally five minutes before I have to leave. And don’t even try and tell me that I need to go to bed earlier, because you know I can’t. I have D&D and then I need to talk to each of my online friends for a while, and then…”

“You have your television shows, microwave dinner, and homework.” Castiel finished for her, having known her schedule for years now.

Charlie smiled and nodded affirmatively. “Correct. So, you of all people should know that there is just no such thing as going to sleep early in Charlie World.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.” Castiel rolled his eyes before taking another bite of his sandwich. “So, how are you and Gilda doing? Is she still coming over to visit this weekend?” Castiel asked conversationally. About a year ago, Charlie had started dating this girl named Gilda that she met on a message board. They had got very close and Gilda had come to visit Charlie and vice versa since they only lived a few hours away from each other.

“Oh, yeah, she is still coming as far as I know. I can’t wait to see her again. It’s been about two months since the last time. And oh boy, was the last time fun.” A mischievous little smirk appeared on Charlie's face as she reminisced.

“Keep it in your pants, Charlie. I don’t need to hear the dirty details all over again.” He said, having heard the full story from Charlie when it initially happened, and though he loved her, once was more than enough.

“You just wait, this time it will be even better because I have a few surprises for her that we didn’t have last time.” Charlie told him suggestively, nudging his arm.

“Okay, and I am officially ignoring you!” Castiel shook his head and covered his ears.

Charlie giggled a bit as well, before looking over in a different direction and began to smirk. “Ooh, don’t look now, but your little first period friend is here.” Charlie said, nodding over to the left where Dean was leaning against the wall, smoking his cigarette.

Castiel looked over way too quickly, seeing Dean being way too causal about smoking on no smoking grounds. “He’s not my friend.” Castiel mumbled. “I don’t even know him.”

“But, still, he sat with you today. It’s got to mean something…. Oh my god, he’s looking right at you.” Charlie nearly squealed. “Don’t look. But… Yup, staring directly at you.”

Castiel froze, not knowing what to do. He knew that Charlie said not to look, but he couldn’t help his curiosity. He glanced over quickly and sure enough, Dean had his eyes directly on Castiel. Chills went up and down his spine and in a second he turned back to Charlie, cheeks having gone pink. Castiel didn’t know what possessed him to look again, but he did, heart pounding hard and slow in his chest. Dean’s eyes were off him though, now seeing the mysterious boy walking away in the opposite direction of the school, not knowing where he could have been going.

“What in the heck was all that about?” Charlie asked with wide eyes of disbelief.

“I have no clue…”

“He was totally eye fucking you.” Charlie said confidently and nodded as if agreeing with herself.

“Stop it!” Castiel blushed more and pouted, only making Charlie laugh a little more. “It’s not funny.”

Charlie put her hands up in surrender. “Okay! But, there is no denying that he totally is having some thoughts about you, and you cannot deny it. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be staring.” She told him honestly.

“Yeah… Well, I don’t know.”

“Just be careful, okay?” Charlie said sincerely. She didn’t want Castiel getting himself in trouble or mixed up in a bad situation.

“I will be, Charlie. Don’t worry about it.” Castiel assured her, but gave her a grateful smile, happy that she cared. He really didn’t know what was with Dean though. This was all so strange. But, Castiel was going to figure it all out. He was going to solve this mystery that was Dean Winchester.

 


	2. Entering a Dreamland

_"….Sometimes, it doesn’t make sense, the short periods of time we get with people, or the outcomes from their choices. However, if you turn it over to God, he promises that you will see the big picture in the hereafter. Nothing is too small to be a mistake.”_

_\- Shannon L. Alder_

 

The next day seemed to come much too quickly for Castiel’s liking. In all honesty, when he was walking outside to go sit in his usual spot at the side of the school, he was feeling kind of nervous. He wasn’t sure if Dean would show up again. If he did, Castiel promised himself he would figure out what Dean’s deal was. But, the mere thought of even speaking to Dean had Castiel’s hands get clammy and stomach twist, he had no idea how he would ever confront him.

 _‘Maybe he wouldn’t even show up. It was probably just a one-time thing that wouldn’t ever occur again. Why would Dean come back here anyways? It’s not like he had so much fun sitting with me anyways.’_ Castiel tried to convince himself.

He decided to just calm down and read. That always helped relax his nerves. So, Castiel picked up his book and began reading, starting to get reeled back into the text that had captured him yesterday before a certain someone had distracted him completely.

Castiel kept his focus on his book for about fifteen minutes before he heard a noise. When he looked up, he nearly jumped out of his skin, seeing Dean sitting right beside him once again. God, how was he so stealthy?!

“You okay?” Dean questioned, forehead creasing slightly as he saw the frightened expression on Castiel’s face. “You looked like you were about to piss yourself for a second.” He chuckled before looking at Castiel with a curious expression as if he should have expected Dean to come here.

Castiel was momentarily speechless, still not over the fact that Dean had come back here again today. Dean narrowed his eyes ever so slightly; it was then that Castiel realized that he waited far too long to actually speak, creating an awkward silence that settled in the atmosphere around them.

“You scared me! You can’t just sneak up on people like that.” Castiel didn’t really know why, but he just felt like he had to put his guard up when Dean was around him. He just didn’t trust him. Not yet anyways.

“Maybe if you got your nose out of that book for five seconds you would have seen me coming.” Dean countered with a shrug, not sounding rude, but rather like he was giving a suggestion.

“Excuse me?”

“What?”

“I’m not going to stop reading because you decide to show up. I have read here during my free periods since freshman year, thank you very much.” Castiel couldn’t even believe that was a serious suggestion!

“I know, I’ve seen you around.” Dean replied, getting out a cigarette and lighter from his pocket.

Castiel’s heart stuttered at that, losing track of his natural train of thought. Dean had paid attention enough to actually have noted that this was Castiel’s usual spot? He shook his head a little, mind balanced out again when he saw Dean with a lighter at the ready.

“Can you not?”

Dean gave him a puzzled look before clarity hit him. “Oh, right.” He stuffed both the cigarette and lighter back into his jacket pocket. “I forgot you don’t like cigarettes.”

“No one who is in their right mind likes cigarettes anymore.”

Dean tilted his head slightly to get a better look at Castiel, emerald eyes meeting sapphire. “Guess I’m just not in my right mind then, am I?” The words fell out with ease, sounding seductive and alluring in a way that only Dean Winchester could pull off.

Goosebumps arose instantaneously, residing on every inch of Castiel’s skin, unable to be ignored. “… Clearly. They don’t make you look cool, by the way. It’s not the 1950’s.”

“I’m not trying to look cool. And even if I was, I wouldn’t need cigarettes to help with that.”

“So, you want to get lung cancer, is that it?”

“Nobody wants to get lung cancer.” Dean breathed out, the comment worthy of an eye roll. “When I was a kid I stole a pack from my dad in curiosity and got myself hooked. Bad habits die hard, I guess.”

“Well, it’s not impossible to quit. All it takes is some self-motivation and a strong willed mind. If you have that though, I’m not sure.” Castiel interjected, though he paused, knowing that was probably a bit over the line.

The statement made Dean’s lips curl up into a grin, not taking the insult to heart. “Why do you care about my health anyways?” He playfully challenged him.

Castiel paused, not knowing how to reply exactly. “I… I don’t. I’m just merely suggesting it because I don’t want to have to remind you to not smoke every time you come out here.” Shit. Did Castiel just suggest that Dean was going to come out here with him regularly? He heard Dean hum in thought and Castiel huffed before he could reply. “You know, I was trying to read here?”

“By all means, don’t let me stop you.” Dean said, motioning to the book that was all but forgotten on the grass between them.

Castiel was about to give a witty remark, but nothing was coming to him. He didn’t know why he was always in such a loss for words when Dean was here. It was more than a little frustrating. So, Castiel picked his book back up, brushing the paperback cover off, deciding to ignore Dean and go back to what he actually came here to do.

That lasted about a minute.

“Why are you out here?” Castiel cracked, unable to contain himself anymore. He needed some answers.

“What?” Dean faltered this time, genuinely confused.

“You could go anywhere to skip class and smoke. Yet, all of the sudden you come here to this spot where I have been for years. Somewhere where you choose to not even smoke because I don’t want you to.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“I’m not saying you have to leave.”

“Then what are you saying?”

Castiel opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Did Castiel want him to leave? That was a good question, but one that Castiel did not want to linger on at the moment. “I just don’t understand why you would sit with me when you could literally be anywhere else and with anyone else.”

Dean shrugged, obviously not thinking it was as big of a deal as Castiel was making it into. “I just enjoy the company.”

“My company?” Castiel asked slowly. “We didn’t even talk yesterday.”

“And? You don’t need to talk to enjoy someone else’s company. Anyways, if I remember correctly, wasn’t it you that said you were reading and didn’t want to be disturbed?” Dean pointed out, an eyebrow raising ever so slightly.

Castiel shook his head, feeling exasperated. “But, you could spend time with _anyone_ and do _anything_ else. I’m sure there are more entertaining things than sitting with me, but you chose to come back today. I want to know why.”

Dean listened to Castiel, looking amused as he spoke. “I saw you yesterday and I decided that I wanted to sit with you while I listened to my music. It was relaxing and I wanted to do it again today. There is nothing more to the story, if that is what you’re looking for. Don’t overanalyze things, angel. That ain’t never going to do you good.”

 _Angel_?

The small pet name made Castiel’s cheeks betray him once again, turning scarlet. Fuck, he needed to get a grip!

Castiel needed a more detailed explanation than he was given. He was basically searching for an ulterior motive behind all of this. The fact that Dean said he sat with him just because… It was almost unacceptable for Castiel. "But, you don’t even know me.” 

“Sure I do. Your name is Castiel, right?” Dean said cheekily, keeping his attention on Castiel, seeming unable to break the contact.

“Yeah, well… What I mean is that you don’t know anything about me.”

“Then let’s change that.”

“What?” Castiel’s eyes widened at the sudden suggestion. That was unexpected.

“You know, if you want to get to know me better, all you had to do was ask.” Dean said, looking all too pleased with himself right now.

Castiel’s cheeks turned darker, he just prayed that Dean wouldn’t point it out. “I-I… You…” Castiel stuttered, his thought jumbling up making him even more nervous right now. “I didn’t… Didn’t say - “

“I’ll just stop you right there.” Dean interrupted before Castiel could find a way out of this. “After school, meet me at my car, okay? We can hangout.”

“Wait, what?” Castiel’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“I drive a black ’67 Impala. You can’t miss it.” Dean arose from the ground and adjusted his leather jacket slightly. “I’ll see you later, angel.”

Castiel was left dumbfounded on the grass, and he ran a hand through his hair. What was he getting himself into? If for a million dollars he had to explain to someone how they got from ignoring each other to the point where Dean was now taking him to hang out, he couldn’t have a response. God, wait until Charlie found out about this.

\-----------------------

“He said _what?!_ ” Charlie shrieked out in a mixture of surprise and excitement.

“Charlie!” Castiel put a finger to her lip to signal her to quiet down. “I don’t exactly want the entire school to know, if you don’t mind.”

“I’m sorry, but, holy shit! You literally went from the quiet kid who hangs out at the library for fun to besties with the most unruly rebel of the school.”

“I am not besties with him!” Castiel huffed, crossing his arms over his chest childishly. “I seriously don’t know how it all happened. I was thinking that I’m probably just not going to go.”

It took everything in Charlie not to slap Castiel on the back of the head. “Are you kidding me? Cas, you have to! Don’t you dare miss out on this, or so help me God…” Charlie trailed off, shaking her head in warning.

“Why would he even want to hang out with me anyways? I don’t understand what his angle is.”

“Have you ever considered that maybe he just wants to get to know you and be friends?” Charlie suggested, nudging him with her elbow.

“Don’t be stupid.”

“I’m not being stupid. I’m trying to have you face reality. You aren’t that horrible of a person that no one would want to be with you.”

“But, _Dean Winchester_?” Castiel reminded her, looking helpless. “Charlie, it makes no sense.”

Charlie sighed and ruffled Castiel’s hair around, trying to lighten his spirit. “Some good things that happen to us don’t need to make sense.”

“And Dean is a ‘good thing’?”

“You never know. He might be. You won’t ever find out if you keep being so stuffy about all of this.” She smiled at the idea of Castiel getting out there and making more friends. Charlie loved how they were best friends, but she knew it could get lonely for him sometimes. “So, you are going to meet him after school without me having to drag you to his car and make a scene, right?  She joked. Well, partially joked.

Castiel took a deep breath in defeat, knowing that there was no reasonable way around this one. “… Fine.” He mumbled, leaning his head against her shoulder. “I’m just nervous. Where do you think he is going to take me? And what are we supposed to do? I mean, won’t it be awkward since we don’t know the first thing about each other?” There was too many questions racing in his mind he could hardly think properly anymore.

“Hmm, well, I don’t know Dean personally or anything, but it seems like when he isn’t being all intense and edgy and picking fights or smoking, he’s a pretty laid back guy. And by the way you describe him, my guess seems to be validated. In saying that, if things are going to get awkward, he is most likely not going to be the one who will make it awkward.” She concluded, giving Castiel a knowing look. “I know you’re shy and all Cas, but I think you should just relax and let loose for once. I’m not saying start smoking and buy a leather jacket. Just act normal. There is no reason to be nervous if Dean’s not nervous.”

Castiel thought about it, knowing she had a point, but it was never that simple. “I guess… Ugh, this is all just so new for me. I don’t know how to handle any of this.”

“You’ll learn. And hey, don’t act like this is such a bad thing! You know how many people would probably kill to hang out with someone like Dean? I mean, yeah, he’s sort of intimidating, but he is still seen as some kind of gem to everyone here. If you asked me, I’d say that you’re pretty lucky you got this opportunity. I mean, out of everyone, Dean wants to hang out with you! That’s… that’s…”

“Scary as hell? Unusual? Suspicious?” Castiel finished for her.

“I was going to say uplifting and exciting, Negative Nancy.” Charlie pushed Castiel’s arm lightly and laughed. “C’mon, cheer up! You have no reason to have that pout on your face. I mean, who knows. It could start as hanging out and who knows what it could become.” She said suggestively, poking his sides in a teasing manner.

“Oh, hush!” He moved away from her a little as she poked him, giggling from the tickling to his ribs. “There is no way that is going to happen.” Castiel couldn’t even imagine how she would be acting if he told her about Dean’s little pet name for him.

“Anything is possible!” Charlie said just as the final bell rang. “Okay, well, it’s your time to shine! Don’t forget about me, okay? Remember that I was your best friend first.”

Castiel chewed on his bottom lip nervously, heart racing in his chest now that the moment was coming. “Don’t be silly, Charlie… God, I can’t believe I’m really going through with this.” Castiel seriously was in disbelief about all of this. “I’ll text you if I need help, alright?” Making sure he got a nod of confirmation and a good luck hug from Charlie before he headed to the parking lot.

He made his way over to the parking lot, the walk seeming to take absolutely forever. Castiel finally got to the parking lot and he really didn’t have to look much to find Dean’s behemoth of a car parked as far away from all the cars as possible. Castiel took a deep breath. “You can do this, Cas. You got this.” He muttered to himself as he walked to the car.

He could see Dean sitting on the hood of the car, headphones in his ears, eyes closed as he listened to his music. It was actually pretty interesting to watch Dean like this. It was like he wasn’t even in this world. Like he escaped to a whole other universe when he listened to his music. Castiel almost felt bad for having to interrupt him… No, he was not finding a way out of this. He sucked up his nerves and walked over to Dean, standing by the front of the car.

“Uhm… Hi.” Castiel said, trying to get Dean’s attention. Dean didn’t notice him though, having his music too loud to hear and his eyes closed. “Hey!” Castiel raised his voice a little more, but no avail. “Hello? Dean… _Dean_!” Castiel shouted maybe a little too loudly.

Dean jumped a little, startled at hearing his name. He took his headphones off and saw Castiel there, fiddling with his hands as he stood in front of the Impala. “Hey. Sorry, I didn’t hear you.” He gave him a grin and slid off the hood of the car gracefully. “You came. Wow. Nice.”

“You thought I wouldn’t?”

“I wasn’t sure. But, you made a good choice.” Dean looked Castiel over and headed to the passenger seat of his car and opened it. “C’mon, get in.”

Castiel looked confused at first. Was Dean being… chivalrous? “Uhm, alright.” Castiel smiled briefly before sliding into the car seat. God, this was really happening. He was in Dean Winchesters shiny classic car about to go hang out with the owner of it himself. It was so unbelievable that Castiel actually thought that this may all be a dream or something. Castiel pinched his arm slightly, knowing it was silly, but this was surreal!

Dean got into the car and Castiel glanced at him, a mix of emotions taking over Castiel. Fear, excitement, shock. This was either going to go absolutely amazing or terribly, terribly wrong. Castiel had so many let downs in his life, he just hoped that this wouldn’t be one of them. He wouldn’t know how to handle it if it did go badly.

Positive Attitude. Castiel just needed to remain optimistic about this and everything would be fine.

Dean got into the car, shutting the door and giving Castiel a grin of excitement. Dean was more than elated about this, and Castiel tried to be just as happy. Dean picked out an old cassette he had in the middle compartment of the car out of the overflowing pile he had to choose from. He put one in and turned the volume up loudly, so anyone two cars away with their windows down could hear it, and he pressed the gas.

Castiel’s felt his heart jump to his throat and his eyes nearly came out of its sockets at the sudden acceleration. Already starting this off with an unexpected adrenaline rush. Oh, this was going to be a very interesting evening. Castiel just hoped he would be able to get through it alive.

 


	3. Familiar Strangers

_“You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken… Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look… March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in."_

_\- Mandy Hale_

 

Castiel was starting to become a nervous wreck as Dean drove. Whether it was from the fact that he was driving like he a total maniac or because he was worried about how this afternoon would turn out, he was unsure of. Despite everything, Castiel knew that freaking out was not going to do him any good. He looked around, trying to distract himself as best as he could.

“You have a nice car.” Castiel spoke up. “It’s really clean. You must take good care of it.” He really was impressed with the condition that this nearly fifty year old car was in. The outside of it was shiny, the upholstery was well kept, and hell, it even still had that new car smell to it. Dean obviously must take good care of it since everything from the inside out was immaculate.

“You’re damn right I do. This is my baby. I don’t think I love anything as much as this car…” Dean basically caressed the steering wheel, making Castiel have to stifle a laugh. “Plus, I’m a part time mechanic so I know how to take good care of a car.”

“It shows. I don’t know much about cars myself. I don’t even know how to drive.” Castiel was terrified of driving. But, that was a whole other story. “It’s no big deal though. I don’t live too far from school, so I just walk or sometimes ride my bike.”

“You don’t know how to drive? Man, you’re missing out. Driving is so freeing. If you’re ever upset or angry or you just want to get some nice alone time you can just get in your car and drive anywhere you want. Why wouldn’t you want that?” The day Dean got the Impala for himself was probably one of the best days of his life. He couldn’t fathom how some people didn’t want to learn to drive.

“I’m sure that for you driving is peaceful and freeing, but it isn’t like that for everyone.” Castiel muttered, focusing his attention out the window rather than on Dean. Driving had always been a personal struggle for him, and he wasn’t in the mood to be put down because of that.

Dean momentarily glanced at Castiel, sighing when he saw that he looked upset. “Hey, don’t get all glum on me. I get it. Driving isn’t everybody’s thing, that’s not a big deal. I’m sure you’re really passionate about things that I may suck at.” Dean truly didn’t mean to offend Castiel by any means and he didn’t want him to be upset with him before they even started hanging out.

“Yeah, I suppose.” Castiel sighed, running a hand through his hair. Dean was right, and Castiel knew that acting defensive and sad right now was stupid and pointless. He was supposed to try and relax and actually have fun! It was just hard for him sometimes. Throughout his life, his only friend had been Charlie, and it was pure luck that he had her. There was a reason why he only had one friend. Saying that Castiel was socially awkward was an extreme understatement, considering he did not know how to make friends. He wished he could be smooth and friendly and outgoing, but that’s just not who he was.

Dean could sense that Castiel was both tense and nervous about all of this, and he couldn’t really blame him. Not everyone had that go-with-the-flow attitude and confidence that he happened to possessed. Despite what people may thought, the reason why Dean didn’t have many friends wasn’t because he had issues socializing. He had no problem talking to strangers, he just preferred being alone. As he grew up, Dean realized that a lot of people couldn’t be relied on. They were manipulative, annoying, and they caused too many unnecessary problems. That was the last thing Dean needed in his life.

But, that didn’t mean that Dean hated everyone. There were select people that Dean would take a special interest in. Castiel just happened to be one of them. He didn’t know exactly what it was about Castiel, but there was just something there that stood out to Dean. He caught Dean’s attention whether he meant to or not. And if Dean was anything, he was persistent. When he wanted something, he wouldn’t stop until he got it. Right now, that certain something that he wanted was Castiel.

“Hey, can I ask you an honest question?” Dean turned his attention back to Castiel for a moment before looking back at the road.

Castiel turned away from the window when he heard Dean’s voice. “You’re already asking a question.” He pointed out.

“C’mon, you know what I mean.”

“Fine, then what is it?”

“How is it that someone like you is in my English class? I mean, I don’t go to class often, but when I do, I notice how you are always done early with assignments and the teachers always praises you and shit. Obviously you’re some kind of genius.”

“I’m not a genius.” Castiel scoffed, shaking his head slightly.

“But, you’re smart, don’t even try to deny it. Shouldn’t you be in one of those advanced placement classes? Why aren’t you?”

Castiel bit his lip, preparing himself for Dean to tease him. “I got placed out of my advanced junior English class… My teacher told me that I should take the senior class to challenge me more.” He murmured. Castiel was a huge nerd and he just knew Dean was going to make fun of him for it.

“Wait, you’re not a senior?” Damn, that made sense then. “Oh, wow. I didn’t know that. I always assumed that the teachers were just too stupid to put you in a higher level class.” Dean saw the shy look on Castiel’s face and he furrowed his brow. “You don’t have to look so ashamed of it. You should be happy you’re smart.”

“I just don’t like talking about it. I’m kind of sick of people making fun of me for being a nerd.”

“Who cares what anyone else thinks?”

“I do.”

“And that’s your problem right there.” Dean informed him, eyes meeting Castiel, giving him a serious look.

Castiel scrunched up his nose and pouted. “I don’t have a problem. You’re saying you honestly don’t give a shit what people think about you or the things they say behind your back?”

“No.”

“Okay, sure.” Castiel said sarcastically. Everyone cared at least a little bit what others thought about them. Dean may have this whole ‘ _I could give a fuck’_ persona, but deep down he had to care at least a little that people started rumors about him and talked about him behind his back.

“No, I really don’t.” Dean repeated firmly. “I don’t have the time in the day to worry about what some insignificant people think about me. In my opinion, if you don’t like me, that your own problem. I ain’t gonna change to try and make people like me. Fuck that. I am who I am and I’m sure as hell not going to doubt myself because some assholes think they know me.” Dean said, his voice as stern and solid as his opinion. “You shouldn’t care either. You’re a junior, right? That means that in less than two years you won’t ever have to see any of these people again. So, fuck them. Being smart is nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Castiel was silent as Dean ranted, not expecting the inspirational speech from him. “It’s easier said than done to just not care.”

“It doesn’t have to be. If you just realize that you have nothing to be self-conscious about and that you’re better than all those people who are talking shit, it won’t be a problem. If anyone gives you shit, go tell them to suck a fat one." 

Castiel blinked at Dean in response, unable to help but crack out a small laugh and shake his head. "That was very eloquent, Dean."

"I've always been told I have a way with words." He nudged him lightly with elbow, smiling as he kept his eyes focused on the road. 

Why was Dean being so nice to him? He didn’t even know Castiel, yet he was giving him so much advice. It was weird… And a little suspicious. But, Castiel decided to just ignore his pessimistic thoughts. He leaned his head against the window, looking out and seeing that the area they were entering was a lot more run down and a little sketchy.

“Uhm, where are we going exactly?”

“My place… I know the area isn’t that nice.” Dean said, scratching the back of his neck with one hand as the other stayed loosely gripped on the steering wheel. By the looks of Castiel and how he dressed and presented himself, Dean could tell that he was pretty well off. Dean, on the other hand, was not as fortunate. He lived in the bad side of town where shifty people wandered the streets and cops were always driving by arresting someone. It was probably nothing that Castiel was used to, so he didn’t want him to have his expectations for Dean’s place to be anything nice when it was really nothing more than a battered apartment.

Soon enough they arrived in the back of Dean’s apartment complex. “Here we are.” Dean said quietly as he parked his car in his usual parking space. He looked at Castiel wearily, not knowing what his reaction would be. Castiel wasn’t saying anything against it though, so he figured at least that was a good sign.

Dean walked inside the complex with Castiel trailing close behind him. They made their way to Dean’s door that was in desperate need of a new coat of paint, one of the apartment numbers dangling on its last limb. He unlocked the door and jiggled the handle for a moment before pushed his way inside. “Home sweet home.”

Truthfully, Castiel was kind of scared being in such a shady area. He never went in this part of town, having heard quite a few horror stories about all the crime that went down here. But, he felt a little safer that at least he wasn’t alone. Dean must be use to the conditions that he lived in, and he seemed pretty tough, so Castiel doubted Dean would let anything happen to them. When they got inside, Castiel’s first thought was that the place was kind of empty, in the sense that it looked a bit abandoned. The kitchen was the first room in sight, and there wasn’t much in there but a few beer bottles scattered around the counter as well as a stack of newspapers, collecting a bit of dust, clearly having not being touched for quite some time. On the bright side, it wasn’t really messy by any means. Castiel was peering around, looking into the living room that was next to the kitchen. There was some old furniture that was out dated facing an old box television. All the windows had the shades down, keeping the place very dim.

“C’mon, let’s go to my room. It’s no fun out here.” Dean told Castiel, walking into one of the rooms that was close by.

Castiel trailed after Dean, eyes wandering around the room. It was a tight space, but unlike the rest of the apartment, Dean’s room had some personality put into it. The walls were covered in posters of rock bands, cars, and half naked women that made Castiel roll his eyes a bit. The floor was littered with papers, empty food wrappers and a mixture of clean and dirty clothes. He had two small shelf against the wall, one that was filled with CD’s, the other proudly holding up three bongs.

Castiel walked around, making his way to Dean’s bedside table. On the table there was two picture frames, the only picture frames he had yet seen in the whole house. In the first frame, there was a picture of Dean, who looked a few years younger than he presently was, with a boy who looked a little bit younger next to him. Both boys were coated head to toe in mud, Dean wrapping an arm around the other boy. They were smiling brightly at the camera, looking very happy.

“This is cute.” Castiel grinned at Dean, who had plopped down on his bed lazily. “Who is this boy with you?”

Dean looked at the picture that Castiel was holding. “Oh, that’s Sammy. He’s my little brother.” Dean’s eyes basically glistened and a genuine smile came to his face just at the mention of his little brother. Sam meant the world to Dean. The brothers were always very close, being best friends as well as brothers. “That’s when we had a mud fight out in the woods a couple years ago.”

Castiel couldn’t help but think that it was sweet how happy and energized Dean got at the mention of his little brother. It was clear that Dean was a good older sibling and cared about Sam. He put the picture frame down and then picked up the other one that was on the table. In this frame, there was a very young boy, probably around the age of four or five, who Castiel could only assume was a younger Dean. He was smiling cutely, a childish innocence could easily be detected in his face. There was a woman in the picture as well. She was breathtakingly beautiful. She had long blonde hair falling past her shoulders, bright green eyes that matched Dean’s, along with other soft angelic features. Dean was sitting on the woman’s lap, her arms around him in a tight embrace.

“Is this your mom?”

Dean bit his lip, his bright smile disappearing the second he looked at the picture. He was quiet at first before he nodded and looked away. “Yeah… That was taken a long time ago.”

Castiel could sense that his mother was probably a touchy topic, but he wasn’t about to pry and ask more questions. “You were a cute kid.” He mentioned, trying to switch the topic to something less personal.

“Are you saying I’m no longer a cute kid?" Dean challenged him, the sideways grin coming back to his face, making Castiel feel relieved.

“You’re not a kid anymore.”

“I’m a kid at heart. And I’m still cute.”

“Whatever you say.” Castiel put the frame down and sat down on the edge of Dean’s bed. “So, are your parents really okay with you having bongs in your room?” Castiel was sure that if he ever was caught with a bong in his house, he would be murdered. Slowly and probably with a knife. That was totally unacceptable in his house.

“My dad is barely ever home so he doesn’t come in here. I doubt he even knows about the bongs. But, if he did, I don’t think he would care. He doesn’t really give a shit what I do as long as I’m keeping money on the table.”

“Money on the table?” Castiel repeated slowly. “Money for what?”

“Bills, rent, food, his booze, you name it. I’m paying for mostly everything in this place since he decides to waste his money on beer, liquor, and cigarettes.”

As Castiel heard this, he felt a bit of anger rise up in him. He thought it was so irresponsible for Dean’s father to make him pay for their rent and bills when he wasting what money he has on alcohol. Obviously Dean’s mother wasn’t in the picture, making sense to why he seemed upset before. He was sure a good mother would never stand for something as horrible as that. It made Castiel realize that as screwed up he thought his own home life was, it could have been a lot worse.

“That’s terrible. I’m really sorry about that.”

Dean shrugged it off. “It’s whatever, I’m used to it.” He was not exactly in the mood to talk about his dad. “But, anyways, yeah, I never have problems smoking in here.” He said and gave Castiel a small smirk. “Why? You want a hit?”

“What? Oh, no… I don’t smoke.”

“It’s never too late to start. You know weed really isn’t bad for you.”

“Really, it’s okay.” Castiel insisted, not even wanting to imagine the trouble he would get in if his family smelled marijuana smoke on him. He would never see the sweet, beautiful light of day again.

Dean rested back against his pillows and kept his eyes on Castiel, trying to figure him out. “I’m guessing you’re a straight edge then, huh?”

“I guess. I just don’t see the point in drinking and smoking. All it does is damage your body. A few hours of fun just for a lifetime of pain, internal injuries, and diseases. No, thank you.”

"A real optimist, aren't you?" Dean laughed a little, just watching Castiel, finding him to be too interesting to look away. “So, what do you do then?”

“What do I do?”

“Yeah, like, what are your hobbies and shit.”

Castiel thought about it for a moment and shrugged. “I don’t know. I like reading, but you already know that. Uhm… I also like art.”

“Really? What kind of art are you into?”

“Painting mostly, but I also like drawing. It helps me to relax and just get my feelings out, you know?” Castiel said softly, looking a little shy after telling Dean that.

Dean nodded and smiled at Castiel. “Yeah, I know what you mean. That’s how music is for me. I can just lose myself completely and go into this… This blissful utopia of my mind. All my problems just slip away. And even if it’s just for a little while, it’s worth it, you know?”

“Yeah, that is exactly how I feel when I get into a good book or start painting one of my pieces.” Castiel said, nodding eagerly. God, Dean was describing exactly how he felt. It was weird how two people that were clearly so different could share things in common like that.

"Do you want to go to art school and pursue it?" 

That earned a laugh from Cas. "Are you kidding? I'm pretty sure I'd have a better chance working a street corner than going to art school." He shook his head. "No... No, I can't do that. I'm going to pursue a medical career. If everything goes according to plan, I will be going to Dartmouth to get a Biological Science degree and then go to med school." 

"Oh, so you're one of those people who have their whole life planned out, huh?" 

Cas shrugged and nodded. "I like having a plan. It's been my dream to go to Dartmouth since I was in middle school." 

Dean scrunched his nose up a little. "When you were little you dreamed of going to Dartmouth? I'm pretty sure when I was in middle school the only thing I was dreaming of was girls with big racks."

"Classy..."

"Always."

Castiel smiled a little and went quiet for a moment before he spoke what was on his mind. “Dean, why did you invite me here?” He couldn’t help but wonder why it was him that Dean wanted to get to know so much. Out of everyone, he chose quiet, invisible Castiel.

“I already told you. I saw you and I wanted some company so I sat with you. After that I decided that I wanted to get to know you.”

“Yeah, but it’s not like you hang out with a lot of people. What makes me different than everyone else?”

Dean took a deep breath sat up straight. “I don’t know. There is this familiarity I feel when I’m around you that I can’t really describe or explain. You are unique, I can tell.” He said, looking like he was trying to figure this out just as much as Castiel. “It appears I was right.”

Castiel didn’t think that made much sense at all. He didn’t feel like he was that unique. Castiel’s thoughts were soon interrupted though when he heard the front door of Dean’s apartment creak open and then lightly close.

“That must be Sammy.” Dean said and got up off the bed, gesturing for Castiel to join him.

“Dean? You home?” The younger Winchester called out before Dean came out of his room to greet him.

“Hey, kiddo. Weren’t you going to be late because you had a research project to do?” Dean asked Sam, going over to him and ruffling his hair around.

Sam moved away from Dean, swatting his hand away from him. “Yeah, I was, but I finished early. One of the kids that is in my group drove me home so you didn’t have to.” He explained just as Castiel came into view. “Oh… I didn’t know you had company.”

“Sam, this is my friend, Castiel.” Dean introduced them, leaning against the kitchen counter and picking up two apples from the fruit basket, taking a bite of one and throwing the other to Sam who caught it swiftly.

His friend? The title made Castiel smile a little, feeling suddenly happier for reasons he wasn’t completely sure of. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you.” Castiel said politely. Now that he was meeting Sam in person, he realized that he recognized him. Sam was at the library often, usually reading in the back tables or studying, similarly to Castiel. They had never spoke before but at least Castiel knew they had something in common.

“So, Sammy, how did things go with Jess today?” Dean asked his younger brother, who in favor rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, Dean.”

“So, I’m going to take that as you didn’t make a move again.”

“It’s not as easy as you make it seem!” Sam complained, groaning a little bit. “Can we not talk about this with people over? It’s like you just want to humiliate me.”

“Oh, stop being so dramatic. I’m sure Castiel wouldn’t judge you.” Dean turned to Castiel, who looked a little bit confused to what was going on. “Sammy here has a raging boner for this girl –“

“Dean!”

“Okay, okay, he has a huge _crush_ on this girl. He is too afraid to ask her on a date and I told him all he has to do is be confident and say hi. Then he can start talking to her and ask if she would want to hang out with him sometime. Then he is in.”

Castiel couldn’t help but realize that Dean did that same strategy when wanting to hang out with Castiel… Not that Dean had a crush on Castiel. That was just ridiculous. “Oh, well… Yeah, I bet that this girl would like you. You shouldn’t be worried, you seem like a really nice guy.”

Sam crossed his arms over his chest and sighed deeply. “Thanks. I just have a hard time with girls…”

“Yeah, a real _hard_ time, if you know what he means.” Dean snickered at his own joke.

“God, Dean, you’re such a jerk.” Sam threw his apple at Dean’s chest and Dean caught it and laughed more, even getting a small smile out of Sam.

Castiel watched the two brothers, thinking they had a really nice relationship with each other. They were joking together and were able to talk to each other about girls they liked and they obviously could count on each other. Castiel wished that he could have that type of relationship with his own siblings. In Castiel’s house, no one was particularly close to each other. He couldn’t even remember the last time he actually had quality time with his siblings. Sure, they all had dinner with each other every night for tradition because his oldest brother demanded it, but they didn’t have real conversation with each other besides ask how their days were. Needless to say they never did anything fun with each other. The only one of Castiel’s siblings he was kind of close to was his brother Gabriel, who was only one year older than him. Not that they were like Dean and Sam by any means. They just talked from time to time. None of it was deep and personal though. It made Castiel a little envious of the two brothers.

“Hey, do you guys want pizza? I’ll order in.” Dean offered them and Sam quickly nodding, jumping at the opportunity.

“God, yeah. That beats frozen tv dinners any day. But, can you get half veggie, please?”

“Yeah, yeah, it can be half veggie, you health freak. How about you, Cas? What kind of pizza do you like?”

Castiel hummed in thought. “Uhm, I like pepperoni.”

Dean grinned and gave Sam a look. “You see? Cas likes real pizza. Not that veggie crap.”

“It’s not crap! It’s good, not to mention healthier.” Sam countered.

“You’re having a freaking pizza, Sam. It’s not supposed to be healthy.”

Sam stuck his tongue out his older brother before Dean got on the phone with the pizza delivery people. He turned to Castiel and smiled. “So, how did you meet Dean?”

“Oh, uh, he just sat with me the other day and he invited me over.” Castiel knew it sounded weird, but it was the truth. And the truth was weird sometimes.

“It’s nice to see Dean with a new friend.” Sam said softly so only Castiel could hear. “You seem really nice. I’ve seen you around at the library studying… Dean needs a friend like you. You must be something special if Dean invited you over here. He doesn’t do that often.” Sam explained and looked over at Dean and back to Castiel. “He may look intimidating, but he’s great. A real teddy bear, you’ll see.”

Castiel was grateful for Sam’s words, and the fact that Dean was acting like Castiel was something special really made him feel good. “I was honestly a little nervous about him… But, he seems like a good guy.” Castiel eyes were stuck on Dean for maybe a bit too long, blushing when he saw Sam raising an eyebrow at him. He cleared his throat and changed his topic. “You guys seem to have a really good relationship with each other. It makes me a little jealous.”

“Dean and I have always been close. We are all that each other have so we need to stick together.” Sam didn’t know what he would ever do without Dean. He was his rock and his person to lean on and to go to whenever he needed someone.

“Are you guys talking about a certain handsome young devil?” Dean asked cheekily as he hung up the phone.

“Nope. We’re talking about you. Can't get more far off than that.” Sam joked, earning a light shove from Dean. “I’m going to my room to finish some homework. Call me when the pizza comes.”

Dean shook his head and laughed a little. “He’s snarky, but he’s a good kid.” He decided and hopped up onto the counter before his curiosity got the best of him. “So, what exactly about me was discussed?”

“Oh, nothing. Just how apparently your big tough guy act is a façade and you’re actually a sweetheart in disguise.”

“Sammy doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“I think he’s a smart kid.”

Dean looked down and nodded. “Yeah, he is. He’s a little Einstein… You know, he wants to go to Stanford for pre-law?” Dean’s face was basically glowing as he talked about Sam. “He even skipped one year, he’s a sophomore and he’s only fifteen. There is no doubt in my mind Stanford would accept him. I’ve been saving money for his college fund and everything. I’m really proud of that kid.”

Castiel’s heart melted a little at seeing how proud Dean was of his younger brother. Dean really was a good guy, and Cas was happy to find that out.

The evening went by and soon enough the pizza came, the three boys eating together. It was surprisingly great. Charlie had been right after all. Dean seemed to really just want to be friends with Castiel after all. Once they were finished eating, Castiel said goodbye to Sam, and Dean agreed to drive him home. The ride was quiet, but comfortable. Castiel told Dean to leave him at the end of the street, not wanting his family to see him getting out of Dean’s car. There would be way too many questions that Castiel wasn’t ready to answer.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you to your house? It’s really no problem for me.”

Castiel shook his head. “No, this is fine. I don’t want my family to freak out… Thanks for bringing me to your place. It was actually pretty enjoyable.”

“If you think that was good just wait until our next date.” Dean gave Castiel a confident look, nudging him with his elbow.

Castiel’s heart skipped irregularly and he swallowed thickly. “Next date?” He must have heard wrong. Dean couldn’t have said that… Was today a date? And if it was… Dean wanted to have another?

“Yeah, I mean, that’s one name for it.” Dean shrugged and took Castiel’s hand. He took out a pen from the side door of his car and wrote his number on his palm. “Just text me or call me whenever you’re free, okay? Or if you just miss me.”

Castiel stared at the number on his hand, totally dumbfounded. He finally looked up and nodded, at a loss for words. “Yeah… Yeah, okay.” He got out of the Impala and waved to Dean before walking down his street. He heard the roar of the car behind him. That’s when Castiel came to the revelation that all though all of this was all completely foreign to him, he could definitely get used to it.

 


	4. A House Divided

_“See, I think there are roads that lead us to each other. But in my family, there were no roads - just underground tunnels. I think we all got lost in those underground tunnels. No, not lost. We just lived there.”_

_\- Benjamin Alire Sáenz_

 

When Castiel arrived at his house, he unlocked the door and stepped in slowly, trying his very best to be quiet. He had not told anyone that he was going to be home late, and he knew that if it went noticed that he didn’t come home on time, he was in some deep shit. He gently shut the front door, making sure that it wouldn’t slam shut and alert anybody. Castiel began making his way up the stairs just as he heard someone behind him clear their throat.

_Dammit._

“Castiel? Where exactly have you been this evening?” Came the voice of none other than Castiel’s oldest brother, Michael.

Michael was the oldest out of the bunch of them, and he would be dammed before he let anybody forget that. More like a drill sergeant than a brother, he took on the role as the head honcho of the house and it was either his way or the highway. He had always had an obsession with being perfect, even when he was young. He always stood with his head up just a little too high, looking down on all of us. Right out of high school, Michael went on to a well respected university and then to medical school to get his doctorate. He now was a surgeon at the local hospital, leaving him feeling entitled to the point of extreme overload. But, Castiel saw him for what he was, and that was really nothing more than a rude control freak who thought he was the most holy thing to walk the earth right after Jesus Christ himself.

Even though Castiel didn’t think Michael deserved all the power, he was still in charge and there was nothing he could really do about it. He always made the rules and expects everyone else to follow them, and if they didn’t, it was a well-known fact that there would be some hell to pay. With that said, Castiel knew he was going to need to make up something very believable that would safely get him out of the danger zone with Michael. If Castiel went ahead and told Michael he was hanging out downtown with a boy who is infamous at their school, then Castiel may as well start preparing his funeral now.

“I was just staying late at the library.” Castiel lied, thinking on his feet. “Sorry, I just have a lot of assignments due and I got too stressed to remember to call.”

“The library closes at four, Castiel. It’s six now.” Michael gave him a suspicious look, having seen through his lie. “Now how about you tell me where you really were.”

Castiel began to internally panic, not knowing what to say. “The library in school didn’t have the book that I needed for my assignment. I had to take a bus and go to the library that’s further into town. Then the buses were running late because there was traffic. You can probably still see the news and it will show the traffic report.”

Michael still didn’t look completely bought over by Castiel’s story. He stayed at the bottom of the stairs, arms crossed over his chest, looking so intimidating that Castiel could feel his heart accelerate from nerves. “Fine.” Michael huffed, and Castiel felt an enormous wave of relief wash over him. “But, you are to tell me or one of your siblings if you are going to be late again. Anything could have happened to you and no one would have known. So, tell us next time or you’re punished, and I can tell you right now that you will not like the punishment one bit, understood?”

“Understood.” Castiel said softly, knowing that Michael wasn’t playing. He would have no problem punishing him, so he just had to make sure his lie doesn’t get exposed. Michael wasn’t someone you fucked around with for fun, and Castiel knew damn well that he was playing a dangerous game right now, but he decided he would just have to take his chances.

“Good. Now, I’ve already prepared dinner. We were supposed to eat thirty minutes ago, but we were waiting for you. So, if you could wash up and come to the dining room, it would be appreciated. Hopefully all of our food hasn’t gone cold on a count of you.” Michael shook his head in disappointment and walked away, not looking back.

Michael was an expert in both making Castiel feel like total shit, and making him almost shit his pants. On the bright side, Castiel was not the only person that Michael was ruthless and vicious to. He would go off at all of his other siblings as well, even though Castiel was usually the one who took most of his shit. Ever since last year when Castiel came clean to his family about who he really was and the lifestyle he wanted to live, Michael was never really the same with him. Castiel wasn’t stupid. It was obvious to him that Michael wouldn’t take it well when Castiel came out as homosexual. Michael was extremely religious and incredibly judgmental. With those two qualities, there was no point in being in denial and thinking Michael would be accepting to him.

And Castiel was right. Oh, was he right. Ever since then, Michael never took Castiel seriously. Michael would tell Castiel that it was just hormones and ‘the devil trying to work his evil on him’. He even went so far as to calling Castiel’s way of life, his _‘little problem’_. And it hurt. The fact that his own brother acted like this towards him really fucking hurt.

Castiel deciding that it was best to just hurry and wash up before going downstairs for dinner so Michael wouldn’t become angrier. He absolutely hated conflict and didn’t want to start more problems than necessary with his brother. He went back downstairs and patted into the large, elegantly designed dining room. Plates were already set and the food for tonight’s meal was placed along the middle of the table. Michael was the only one there at first, sitting at one end of the lengthy marble table. Castiel decided to sit on the other end, as far away from him as possible. Then in walked Castiel's next oldest brother, Lucifer, who was currently wearing a smug look on his face for reasons Castiel didn’t even want to know of.

Named more perfectly than anyone Castiel had ever met, Lucifer was as witty and sneaky as he was venomous. Only one year younger than Michael, at twenty-seven-years-old, could not be any more different than his older brother. Though he worked as a pretty respectable lawyer, everybody knew that he used to be anything but lawful, even today his personal methods were questionable. When he was in high school, he had been apart of a reputable group of delinquents, getting involved in some serious trouble which carried into his early twenties. It first started as some normal teenage rebelling, but then went it became stealing and getting into fights. Later, he got involved with some very shady people that guided him into a very dark path. No one liked talking about that though, mostly because even though he wasn’t getting into the trouble with cops like before, it was evident that he was still involved with some dangerous people and used those connections when he saw fit. Lucifer had always been the black sheep of the family and Michael had always loathed him for his unorthodox ways. Not only would he use his manipulation to get what he wanted in business, but he tended to use it with his own siblings as well.

Lucifer looked between his two brothers, who were sitting on totally opposite ends of the table. A wicked smirk came to his face, being able to feel the thick tension in the room. “Aw, now tell me, why would my two dear brothers be sitting so far away from each other? Is there trouble in paradise?” Lucifer asked in faux sympathy, a devious look on his face.

Castiel avoided eye contact with both Lucifer and Michael, not wanting to brew up more trouble. And with Lucifer fishing for information like this, Castiel knew that he was just dying to instigate and get more details out of them to see if he could work the situation his way and perhaps get something out of it.

“Nothing is wrong. But, even if there was, it has no concern with you.” This was none of Lucifer’s business, Castiel didn’t understand why his brother had to be so meddlesome.

“Oh, Cassie. There is no reason to be so temperamental with me. I’m just concerned with the state of my sibling’s relationship.” Lucifer’s voice was painted in unvirtuousness. Usually, Lucifer was excellent at acting like he was moral and could easily persuade people to believe what he wanted him to believe. It was the very quality that made him such a good lawyer. But, it didn’t work on Castiel, at least not anymore. He knew that Lucifer didn’t give a rat’s ass about why Michael and Castiel weren’t on completely stable grounds right now. In fact, he was probably loving it, and hoping to stir the pot even more.

“Yeah, well, there is nothing to be concerned about. Don’t even worry.” Castiel replied, seeing right through this little act.

“If you say so, little brother.” Lucifer sat himself down, casting an unsettling look at both Michael and Castiel.

Castiel shudder slightly, looking down in his lap. He didn’t know what Lucifer’s motives were exactly, but he knew that he could not let him find out about the lies he told Michael either. He would most definitely try and use it against him, whether it be by blackmail or by telling Michael the truth just to watch Castiel suffer for the fun of it.

Castiel’s thought were put on pause when he heard an over-exaggerated groan along with the sound of high heels clacking from down the hallway. There was only one person that could be.

Anna.

"Here we go..." He muttered, more to himself than anything.

Anna was the sole female in the Novak house, and she was basically a walking migraine full of unnecessary bitchy and sass. She was a sixteen years old with an extreme attitude problem, who gave everyone hell whether they deserved it or not. When she didn’t get her way, she bitched and moaned and would claim that everyone hates her, which as anyone could imagine, got old very fast. Anna was high maintenance and materialistic, always needing the newest trending clothes and jewelry to show off at school so she could feel better than everyone else. In school, she was popular and got on with people in her grade and above, making herself known and only hanging around the other popular kids. She usually ignored Castiel when they were at school, as if people knowing she was related to him would hinder her reputation or something. And as Anna wanted, most people didn’t make the connection that the two were related, mostly because they didn’t look much alike and well, no one really noticed Castiel as it was, let alone thought that he was related to the notorious princess of Truman High.

Anna was more often than not, whining and complaining about something, usually to Michael, who wouldn’t allow her to do many of the things she desired. The reason why she was making a big fuss now, Castiel wasn’t aware of, but he could only imagine that it was over something trivial.

“Anna, if you stop being so loud and rude, it would be greatly appreciated.” Michael told her bluntly, being tired of her attitude by now. “We are not discussing this again. It’s time for dinner, so keep your emotions to yourself and show some respect.”

“Show respect?!” Anna nearly blew up at the comment. “Are you kidding me?”

“I can assure you, I am not kidding you.”

“You are so unfair, Michael! Anyone who is anyone is going out to this party tonight and I cannot believe that you’re making me stay home. I need to be there, people are expecting me to be there! If I don’t go the whole school will think I’m a total loser, don’t you get it?” Anna scrunched her face up in anger, teenage angst coursing through her petite body. “God, of course you don’t get it! You were probably the lamest kid in your high school because you always have a freaking stick up your ass.”

“That is enough.” Michael firmly stated, giving Anna a look that would more than likely make Castiel piss himself, but seemed to have no effect on Anna as she continued to stand her ground. “You are not going to any party. Not after your little stunt of sneaking that boy into the house.”

“But, Michael – “

“I said, you’re not going and that’s final. Now you either eat dinner with the rest of the family or you go to your room and not eat at all. Your choice.”

Anna stared Michael down, and if looks could kill, Michael surely would have dropped dead on the spot. She huffed and stormed out of the room with a screech that pierced Castiel’s ears.

Michael was unfazed by Anna’s outburst, having dealt with plenty of them through the years. The table became silent as she left, the only noise coming from Lucifer who was snickering a bit at Anna, shaking his head to himself.

“That was wonderful. You just can’t do it right with anyone today can you?” Lucifer asked Michael, who didn’t reply with anything but a dirty look.

Michael let out a deep sigh before focusing his attention past Castiel, noticing a little figure hiding behind the wall of the dining room. “Alfie, come out of there.” His voice was a bit calmer now as he saw the boy looked frightened.

Alfie was the youngest in the family, at only five years old. He was probably the only normal one out of them all, even getting the only name that was not in the Bible. He could thank their mom for that one. Alfie was a little sweetheart, still having his boyish innocence, not having been tainted by the harshness of the world just yet. He had heard the arguing between his brother and sister when he was coming down for dinner and felt scared and upset, so he hid, just peeking out from the wall. He slowly walked into the dining room, his eyes wide and teary. “Are you and Anna fighting?” Alfie asked in his adorable little boy voice that had the power to melt anyone’s heart.

“No, Alfie. We were just having a discussion. We are fine, just sit down so we can eat.” Michael replied. Anna just had to be so loud and dramatic that now she upset Alfie. That was just perfect.

Alfie still looked a bit upset about his siblings fighting. He didn’t like fights. He loved all his siblings and just wished that they could all get along and love each other. Why was that so hard for everybody? It wasn’t hard for Alfie at all. He went to the table, the smallest of smiles coming to his face when he saw Castiel. “Can I sit next to you today, Cas?”

“Of course you can, Alfie. There is no one I’d rather sit next to!” Castiel’s voice was a little more animated now, in hopes to get Alfie in better spirits. He heard Lucifer mutter something sarcastic in the lines of ‘Oh, wow, I see how it is.’ But, he chose to ignore it, focusing on making Alfie happy. Alfie was the closest to Castiel, always wanting to follow him around and play with him. He was usually the one Alfie turned to first, and Castiel couldn’t have been happier about it. He loved his adorable little brother so much and was honored to be a role model to him.

Alfie smiled brightly and gave Castiel a big hug that he happily returned. “Love you.” Alfie said sweetly and kissed Castiel’s cheek. Alfie thought Castiel was the best person to turn to whenever he was upset by anything. He would always make him feel better and he gave the very best hugs in the whole wide world. After a moment, Alfie pulled away and sat down in his chair, looking around. “Where’s Gabriel?”

“Yes, that is a very good question.” Michael said, not looking the least bit pleased. None of his siblings could ever behave themselves, could they? If it wasn’t one of them, it was another. Though Michael couldn’t say he was surprised that Gabriel was late since he always struggled with acting responsibly. He was always getting into some kind of trouble and defying Michael in some way, shape, or form. “Do you have any idea where your brother is?” Michael turned to Castiel.

Castiel shook his head and shrugged. He didn’t keep tabs on Gabriel. He didn’t even think it was possible to keep tabs on him. Gabriel was a loose cannon. He never had a set routine of what he was doing, instead just acting impulsively, going off wherever he wanted, to do whatever he pleased. There was honestly no telling where he could be right now.

“I don’t know about all of you, but I am not going to wait all day for him. We have already waited far too long for Castiel. The food is probably stone cold by now because some of us find it too difficult to come home on time.” Michael gave Castiel an accusing glance before he began serving himself some food.

About ten minutes later, the front door opened and then slammed shut. Seconds later, Gabriel unceremoniously walked into the dining room, looking as energetic as usual. “Hola, hermanos.” He greeted them, ruffling around Cas’ hair as he walked by him and picking Alfie up, spinning him around to make him giggle before taking a seat. “How is everyone on this fine day?” Gabriel asked, grabbing a spoonful of mashed potatoes and taking a sample right off the serving spoon, groaning in pleasure. “Damn, Michael. These are fantastic!” He served a large helping on his plate and slouched back casually as he got ready to stuff his face.

It was easily noticeable that Michael was not amused or impressed with Gabriel right now. “Gabriel, where have you been? You got off work over an hour ago, so don’t even try and lie to me by saying that you were working all this time.”

“I actually was at work, for your information.” Gabriel started. “But, when I got off work I went to one of my friend’s houses to you know, hangout. Not that it’s any of your business where I go or what I do with my free time.” Gabriel informed him, pointing his fork at Michael, causing some mashed potatoes to fling in his direction.

“The hell it’s none of my business.”

“Will you calm down and stop getting your panties in a bunch for once?”

“Maybe I would if you actually came home at the time you were supposed to.”

“Yeah, yeah, Gabriel is a horrible disrespectful little jerk. Now can I finish my potatoes, Mr. Bossy?” Gabriel sarcastically said, making Alfie laugh at the nickname he gave Michael. Gabriel turned to Alfie and smiled impishly. “What you think that’s funny, shortie?” Gabriel asked and Alfie covered his mouth, trying to hide his laughs from Michael. “See? Alfie agrees.”

Michael gave an exasperated breath, having had just about enough with his siblings today. “I don’t appreciate you encouraging him. We don’t need Alfie to be acting out as you do.”

Gabriel snorted and rolled his eyes. “Because God forbid Alfie gets some kind of influence on me. It would be a damn shame if I turned Alfie into some stupid punk, right?” He challenged, having become slightly offended by Michael’s comment. 

“You cannot exactly blame me, Gabriel. Look at what I have to deal with.”

“Yeah, look around! Everyone is a fucking head case except Saint Michael.”

“Watch your mouth! There is a child at this table. Or must you try and poison him with curse words as well?” Michael was getting very fed up with Gabriel very quickly.

Gabriel was just as done with this conversation. “Yeah, because Alfie has never heard a curse word before. And if he hears the word fuck he is obviously going to turn into some fucking monster.” Gabriel spit out bitterly before he left the room for a solid moment, coming back to the room just to grab his plate of food, getting one more helping of potatoes, before stomping away again with his food.

Michael was so aggravated that he stood up, throwing his napkin on the table and leaving the room with nothing to say but some angry mumbles that no one could exactly make out. Lucifer stood up as well, looking a little satisfied after all the drama unfolded. “What a lovely family dinner, as always.” He said before excusing himself and going to his office to do some of his paperwork.

Castiel lost his appetite after watching his siblings fight. It was so tiring to see everyone constantly clash with one another on a daily basis. And the funniest part about it was that whenever they were all out at church together or had to be seen out in public, Michael always liked to pretend in front of strangers that their family was so normal, loving, and stable. Some people actually fell for the whole act to. But, really, that was the complete opposite. The whole Novak family was a dysfunctional mess and nothing more than that.

The saddest thing was that they weren’t always like this. Once upon a time, they use to actually be a really happy family. Everything changed three years ago when their parents died. Before then, they use to get along and have each other’s backs and they would never fight as much as they did now. Their parents knew how to keep everyone happy and have everyone get along. Once they passed away, the whole family just seemed to break apart. It hurt to think that the loving family he used to have went away so quickly, and at a point where they all needed each other the most, they drifted. It made Castiel not only miss the relationship he and his siblings had, but it made him miss his mom and dad even more. He missed them so much, and it was times like this that he just wished they were still here to make everything better again. Castiel felt a tug on his shirt sleeve and saw Alfie staring at him, looking about ready to cry.

“Why does everyone hate each other?” Alfie asked softy, his eyes wide and teary after watching his loved ones get into fight after fight with Michael.

“Oh, Alfie, no one hates anybody. Please don’t think that.” Castiel got off of his seat and crouched down to Alfie’s level to give him a tight hug. Everyone fights and no one thinks of how poor Alfie was going to feel or how this affected him. Castiel was always the one who had to pick up all the pieces afterwards and comfort his little brother.

“Then why are they always yelling and being mad?” A single tear ran down Alfie’s cheek and he began to sniffle, completely breaking Castiel’s heart.

“Michael is just a little upset right now. You know how he gets. But, no one hates each other.” Castiel assured Alfie, picking him up and bouncing him on his hip. “Everyone gets mad once and a while. But, we all get over it.”

“It feels like they are always mad…” Alfie wrapped his arms around Castiel’s neck and rested his head on his shoulder for comfort.

“I know it feels that way sometimes. But, I promise everything will be okay. You trust me, right?”

“Yeah...”

“See? Then there is nothing to be worried about. Now how about I give you a bath and then I’ll read you a story before bed. How does that sound?”

Alfie smiled, always liking the idea of a bath and a bedtime story. Especially with Castiel, since he always did different voices when he was reading. None of his other siblings bothered to do that. “But, can I have a bubble bath… And two stories?”

Castiel laughed and pretended to look stunned. “Two stories?! I don’t know, Alfie, will you be able to stay awake for two stories?”

“Yeah! I can stay awake! Please, Cas, please?!” Alfie gave Castiel his big innocent eyes that he knew very well that Castiel could never say no to.

“Okay, okay. Two stories and bubble bath it is. Just because you are such a good kid.” Castiel said and brought him upstairs. As promised, he made a bath for Alfie and let him play in there for a little while before drying him off. He helped Alfie get into his pajamas, this time picking out one with different superheroes on it. When he was finished, he brought Alfie to bed, tucking him in before he began reading him a story. Right as he was going to start the next book, he saw that Alfie had fallen asleep. The sight of the peaceful little boy by his side made Castiel smile. He stroked back Alfie’s hair gently and kissed his forehead before turning on his nightlight and leaving the room.

Castiel was making his way to his room before he was suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, Gabriel blocking the hallway. “Hello, Cassie. And just how was your day today?” He asked him, pulling out a lollipop from his pocket and unwrapping it before sticking it in the side of his mouth, eyeing Castiel all the while.

“Uhm, it was fine, as always.” Castiel said slowly and tried to go around Gabriel, but his brother moved to block him once again.

“Oh, is that so? Just the same as always? Because something tells me that something else happened to you today that you’re not telling me.”

_Crap. He knows._

How could Gabriel ever possibly have found out that he was with Dean?! It was impossible, no one had seen them together. There is no way. Wait… That was so true! There _was_ no way Gabriel could have known. Castiel just needed to calm down and play it cool for once in his life. “I have no clue what you’re talking about. Now can I please go to my room?”

“Why do you want to go to your room, hmm? To call a certain special someone?” Gabriel asked knowingly.

Castiel was sure that his expression alone was giving everything away. He was a terrible liar and he felt so nervous right now. “I-I… Gabriel, I have no one to call. I don’t know why you’re saying that.”

Gabriel grabbed Castiel’s hand and put it palm up, revealing Dean’s phone number that he had written there previously. “Hmm? Still don’t know what I’m talking about?” Gabriel asked, popping the lollipop out of his mouth and smirking at his little brother. "Damn, you suck at lying, kid."

“It’s none of your business, Gabriel…” Castiel managed to get past Gabriel and started going to his room. "And don't call me kid. You're like, one year older than me, you weirdo."

“So, you admit it!” Gabriel smiled with victory. “Is that why you came home late today? It was wasn’t it?” He asked knowingly. Oh, this was just awesome. “You lied to Michael about where you were, huh? Shit, Cassie, you’re becoming more like big brother Gabriel every day, aren’t you? I'm such a proud momma, I could actually cry.”

“Gabriel, be quiet, for Christ’s sake.” Castiel said in panic, scared that someone may overhear Gabriel since he was being so freaking loud. “I’m not telling you anything.”

“Oh, come on! Little Cassie is finally getting people’s numbers! This is huge! You at least have to tell me whose number that is.” Gabriel insisted, following Castiel right into his room.

Castiel turned around and gave Gabriel a sharp look. “Will you be quiet? I don’t need the whole house knowing that. I’m already in enough shit with Michael for being home late, I don’t need any more. And why do you care whose number it is? I don’t ask you about the girls you sleep with, do I?”

“That’s beside the point.” Gabriel said, making himself comfortable on Castiel’s bed, not appearing to be ready to leave any time soon. “Why won’t you tell me? I’m not like Lucifer or Anna, I won’t make a big deal out of it. I think as your favorite older brother I deserve to know. Just in case I need to set this person straight.”

“You’re not setting anyone straight and I’m not telling you who it is, Gabriel.”

“Can you at least tell me if I know them? C’mon, Cas, level with me.”

Castiel rubbed his forehead with two fingers, not knowing why Gabriel was all the sudden so curious about his life at the worst timing ever. He knew that Gabriel definitely knew Dean, since they were both seniors. But, it’s not like Gabriel would guess it was Dean just from that. “Yes, you know them. Are you satisfied?”

Gabriel looked thoughtful, humming and tapping his chin slightly. “Not exactly. But, I’m sure I’ll figure out who this guy is soon enough.” He said, knowing it was a guy since he had no doubt that Castiel wasn’t lying when he said he was gay. “As hurt as I am that you don’t trust me to just tell me…”

“Gabriel, please don’t try and make me feel guilty here.” Castiel frowned, not wanting to feel bad about this on top of everything else. “Look… It’s nothing serious yet. I just am figuring things out and getting to know this person. I don’t want anyone to know yet and complicate things.”

Gabriel took a small breath. “It’s fine, kiddo, you don’t got to tell me right now. But, either way, I’m proud of you for getting someone’s number. You’re going up in the world.” He told him and patted Castiel’s back. 

“Just… Don’t tell anyone. Especially Michael, okay?”

“God, Cassie, give me some credit here. I wouldn’t do that.” Gabriel said and got off the bed. “But, hey, for the record, I do hope things go well. And maybe if all does go well, I will get to meet this lucky guy, eh? Until then, don’t forget to use protection!” He added with a wink, making a clicking sound with his mouth and shooting a finger gun at him before exiting the room.

Castiel rolled his eyes and took the place Gabriel previously had on the bed and curled up with his pillow. He couldn’t help but feel kind of happy that Gabriel wasn’t making as huge of a deal of this as he could have been. Gabriel had always been the coolest out of all his siblings after all. And with that, Castiel looked back at the number on his hand and dialed it into his phone, saving Dean in his contact list. Castiel bit his lip, trying to decide if he should call or not. He was admittedly nervous, but he found courage somewhere inside himself and called. On the first ring, Dean picked up the phone and Castiel was greeted by Dean’s voice.

“Miss me already?” Dean asked, and Castiel could basically hear the grin in his face.

“Hey. I was just thinking… Tomorrow is Saturday and I don’t really have anything going on. I would really hate to be stuck at home with my crazy family all day. I was just wondering if maybe you didn’t have anything going on, and I mean, I get it if you do, this is really last minute…”

“I’d love to go on a date with you tomorrow, Cas.” Dean finished for him before Castiel could start rambling for five more minutes.

Castiel’s heart nearly leaped out of his chest at hearing those words again. A date… God, what was happening and how was this Castiel’s life? “Uh… Yeah? Well, you can pick me up at eleven tomorrow, if that’s okay with you.”

“Eleven sounds just fine with me. Do you want me to wait where I left you today, or can I have your address?”

“Uhm, it’s fine to just pick me up where you left me. I’ll meet you there. Just call me when you get there, okay?”

“If you say so… Well, I’ll see you then. ‘Night, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean.” Castiel hung up the phone and he found that he couldn’t stop smiling.

He had a date. Castiel Novak had a date. Had he been dropped into some alternate universe or something? Either way, he had a date with Dean Winchester, who he found to be actually a pretty cool guy. Not to mention, he was quite obviously attractive… Castiel wasn’t sure how tomorrow would go, but he was too excited to be nervous. He curled up in his bed and wrapped his blanket around himself, though he knew he wouldn’t sleep much tonight. For once, things really seemed like they were turning for the better for Castiel. He felt like he was floating on cloud nine and he had no intentions of coming down soon.

 


	5. Dark Revelations

_“… Just look around: there are millions of people out there, just like you and me, with their thumb on the self-destruct button.”_

_― Etienne de L'Amour_

 

As the night went on, Castiel swore that he suddenly developed insomnia. He tossed and turned, trying his hardest just to get himself to go to sleep, but nothing was working. The thought of his date tomorrow morning with Dean was keeping him up and Castiel didn't think he would get any rest any time soon. He was desperate for it to go well, but so many possibilities of what could happen tomorrow kept popping into his head.

_What if I say something stupid, or worse, something offensive, and Dean begins to think badly of me? What if he realizes I’m actually not worth his time at all? What if it is just all one big elaborate prank on me? What if I am just going to be making a huge fool of myself?!_

Castiel groaned into his pillow, unable to stop his mind from racing, trying to relax for one fucking second. It was just that this was a big deal for Castiel. He never exactly went on a real date before. Sure, when he was younger, Michael would tell both his colleagues and some of their fellow neighbors to let their daughters meet Castiel and hangout with him as a plot to try and convince Castiel that he wasn’t gay. As if an awkward encounter with a completely random girl would suddenly give him an epiphany that he actually loved vagina. Unsurprisingly, Castiel saw right through that pathetic plan that his brother made.

But, this wasn’t going to be like all those other times. Castiel could feel it. He was going on a real date, not only with a boy, but with this interesting, attractive, and mysterious guy who was basically a celebrity at their high school. It was a lot for Castiel to take in and he was very nervous. He didn’t want to screw up this once in a lifetime opportunity that just fell into his lap. How this was all happening to him, he wasn’t sure of. This kind of stuff never happened to Castiel. It was almost too good to be true. That was Castiel's first reaction whenever something good started going for him. But, maybe things were going to start changing for him. Whether it was for the better or not, Castiel would just have to find that out for himself.

By the time that morning came, Castiel was running on about a good four hours of sleep. He had woke up at eight in the morning, always having been an early bird, even if he stayed up late. It didn’t help that he was also nervous that he may wake up too late and miss the date completely. He got out of bed and immediately jumped into the shower, trying to calm himself down as best as he could while he was there. Today was a big day and he needed to be prepared for it. He had spent the afternoon with Dean just yesterday, he would just have to act like today was the same. Even though yesterday, Dean said they were _hanging out_. And now he called this a _date_. When he finished up in the shower, he dried off and wrapped a towel around himself, going back to his room to find a good outfit to wear. Castiel was digging through his closet and dresser, searching frantically for something appropriate, though he couldn't find anything right. He didn’t want to give a bad impression to Dean and a person’s outfit could say a lot about them. Even though somewhere in the back of Castiel’s head he knew that Dean probably wouldn’t even realize what he was wearing, there was a chance that he may subconsciously notice and just in case of that possibility, Castiel wanted to look his very best.

By the time that Castiel had picked out his outfit, a solid hour had gone by and his room was now a disaster, his whole wardrobe now piled up on his bed. He stood in front of his full length mirror and took a deep breath, looking himself over. He had decided to wear black skinny jeans, a white t-shirt with an opened blue button up over it, and white sneakers. It was a pretty casual outfit, but it still looked neat and like he tried a little. Then came the hard part. Trying to tame his crazy hair. His hair always looked like he just got out of bed, and no matter how much he tried to comb or style it, there was no avail. Today was no different. Castiel gave up after giving it a valiant effort, finally expecting that this was as good as it was going to get.

Now it was about ten in the morning, and there was only one more hour until Dean would show up. Castiel sat on his bed, biting his lip apprehensively. He was checking his phone every few minutes, just waiting for Dean to text him and say that he was there. The hour seemed to both take an eternity and go at lightning speed all at once; it was an oxymoron that Castiel was too anxious to analyze or understand. Before Castiel knew it, his phone vibrated in his hand, causing him to get startled and drop his phone under his bed. “Shit…” He muttered and rapidly got off the bed, reaching for his phone. When he went to his messages, he saw it was Dean, saying that he was at the end of the neighborhood where he had dropped him off yesterday, waiting for him.

This was it. All the anticipation for this moment and it was finally here. Castiel managed to ignore his rush of thoughts and text out a reply, saying that he would be there in a minute. He got another good look at himself in the mirror, putting on a squirt of cologne for a finishing touch. After stuffing both his phone and wallet into his pants pockets, he headed downstairs. Thankfully, nobody was around, so he was able to sneakily leave the house without attracting anybody’s attention. He had left a note on the refrigerator saying he went out to the library to work on a group project and he would be back later, knowing better to just leave the house without a word. Though Castiel didn’t like to lie, he knew that this time it was necessary.

He headed out, walking down the street to where Dean said he was. Sure enough, Castiel spotted the shiny black Impala at the end of the road, waiting for him to get in and begin this adventure. Castiel went over to the car and opened the passenger seat door, sliding into the beautiful classic car. He looked over at Dean and smiled. “Hi.”

“G’morning, Cas.” Dean returned the smile, looking as good as ever. “You look nice." He pointed out, making Castiel's cheeks heat up as he muttered a quiet thank you. "So, I was thinking that since it’s so early we could go to a café first. I know a pretty good one that has the best muffins.”

Castiel rose his eyebrow at Dean and chuckled. “Wait, you are saying that eleven in the morning is early for you?”

“Hell yeah, that’s early for me. It’s the weekend, people usually wake up past noon.”

“I certainly never do. You’re whole day will be gone if you wake up so late!”

Dean smirked, starting the car and taking off, Castiel’s neighborhood slowly disappearing in the rearview mirror. “Ah, maybe the day will be almost gone, but the night will just be getting started. And that’s when all the real fun happens, eh?”

Castiel shrugged and looked out his window. “I guess I wouldn’t know. I don’t really go out at night to parties or anything like that.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t exactly get invited.”

“Neither do I.”

“Yeah, but it’s different with you!” Castiel exclaimed, not knowing how Dean didn’t understand. It was pretty basic high school hierarchy rules. “You may not have a lot of close friends but you’re still considered popular at school.”

Dean scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I don’t know what you think, Castiel, but I am not popular at school. You will never catch me with those preppy dipshits or with a fucking crown on my head at the next prom.”

“I don’t mean that type of popular.” Castiel sighed, looking a little exasperated. “I mean that people look at you and see some mysterious bad boy and they like it, so they don’t care if you crash their parties.”

“Is that how you see me?”

“What?”

“Do you see me as ‘ _some mysterious bad boy_ ’?”

Castiel was quiet for a moment, looking back out the window. “I don’t know… I did at first. Maybe I still sort of do, but I also know that you’re more than that. I don’t think a lot of people realize that. There are a lot of close minded people, especially at our school.” He explained slowly, hoping that he wasn’t coming off as offensive. The last thing he wanted to do was insult Dean in any way.

Dean gave a thoughtful look and nodded. “Yeah, there can be. I am just happy you’re not one of those people. I had a feeling you wouldn’t be from the get go. If I thought you were just another one of those assholes, you wouldn’t be here with me right now.” Dean said honestly, keeping his eyes on the road. He took a small breath and then glanced at Castiel. “So, why are things different with you? You are a nice guy, why wouldn’t you be wanted at a party?”

“Oh, please, Dean. As if you don’t already know?” Castiel looked to Dean, who looked confused, making Castiel astounded. “Dean, come on. I am not exactly the coolest person ever. I don’t have anything going for me.”

“What do you mean you don’t have anything going for you? Sure you do.”

“Yeah? Like what? Because it certainly isn’t how sociable and outgoing I am. It’s not how I am the star quarterback or the guy with the most muscles or that I am the one who plays the guitar or is the bad boy. All I am is the socially awkward nerd who is better off as invisible. It’s not exactly the personality type people are dying to have at their parties.” Castiel mumbled, looking down as he single handedly lowered himself down a peg.

“Stop it.” Dean said firmly, his face completely  serious. “No one is going to like you if you have that shitty outlook on yourself. Stop trashing yourself for once, okay? You know all those so called _popular kids_ are at their peak now. Once high school is over, we both know that their popularity will fade and they won’t even matter anymore. So, you’re not the coolest guy in the world. Who is? You may not realize it, but everyone has their flaws. No one is untouchable. So, don’t put any of those fuckers on a pedestal. Especially when your GPA is probably double theirs and you are going to be most of those people’s bosses in the future.” Dean added, looking passionate as he spoke. “I think you’re pretty cool, and not as socially awkward as you claim to be. Anyways, if it is any consolation, if I was throwing a party, I would invite you.”

Castiel looked up at Dean, a small smile coming to his face. He didn’t know for sure if Dean was right about all of that, but it sure did make Castiel feel a hell of a lot better knowing that he had someone to count on and support him. God knew that Castiel had too few people in his life that were like that with him. “Thank you, Dean.”

“You don’t gotta thank me. I’m just telling the truth.” Dean replied as he parked his car in front of a small café. “Here we are.” Dean saw Castiel unbuckling his seat belt and Dean got out of the car quickly. “You stay right where you are, okay?”

Castiel was confused, but did as he was told. He saw Dean going around the front of the Impala and he opened Castiel’s door for him, catching Castiel by surprise. “Oh, that wasn’t necessary.” Castiel laughed softly, though he was touched by how chivalrous Dean was being. It was endearing to say the least.

“Yeah, well, it’s a date, isn’t it? I may as well act properly.” Dean shrugged, closing the door behind Castiel when he got out. Dean was taught to always be polite and a gentleman when going on dates, and his date with Castiel wasn’t any different. He got the door for Castiel again when they went inside the café and he pushed Castiel’s chair out for him before they took a seat at their table.

All of Dean’s polite little acts may have been small, but they meant the world to Castiel. He always saw cute couples with a guy who was always a complete gentleman and did these little things for their girlfriends or boyfriends and Castiel always dreamed of one day someone treating him like that. “You know, you’re not as big and bad as you seem.” Castiel told Dean with a playful smile on his face.

“Oh no?” Dean laughed and smiled at Castiel. “Guess I am just a bag of surprises, aren’t I?”

“Seems like it.” Castiel said just as a server came to their table. It was a girl who looked about his and Dean’s age. She had light blonde hair that fell off her shoulders, big brown eyes, and a very thin frame. Castiel thought that she looked familiar, but he couldn’t exactly place her.

“Ah, look who it is. Mister I Cannot Return A Phone Call If My Life Depended On It.” The girl said, putting her hands on her hips as she gave Dean a soft glare. By the way she spoke, she looked annoyed but not exactly angry, and Castiel could only imagine how she knew Dean.

“Hiya, Jo.” Dean greeted her, scratching the back of his neck and giving her a guilty smile. “Look, I’ve been meaning to hit you up, but you know how busy I get sometimes; and it’s been a busy week.”

“Oh, save me the sob story.” Jo rolled her eyes at Dean. “You know, it wouldn’t kill you to hang out with me from time to time. I’m only your best friend, you know, no big deal.”

“Don’t get your panties into a bunch, Jo. We can hang out soon, okay? I could only imagine how dreadful your life has been without me, so I will put you out of your misery and hang out with you A.S.A.P, okay?” Dean had a shit eating grin on his face, clearly joking around with Jo.

“Ugh, you are so full of it that it actually makes me want to vomit sometimes.” Jo turned her attention off of Dean for a moment and looked at Castiel who was being very quiet through all of this. “I see I am being replaced.”

“That’s right.” Dean laughed, leaning back in his chair. “But, don’t worry. He’s not in any competition to be my best friend.” He added, and Jo instantly got the message.

“Oh.” She said in revelation, realizing that Dean was definitely not just here with this boy as a friend. “You be careful with this one.” Jo warned Castiel. “He’s a little troublemaker. Though, I’m sure he wouldn’t dare to not answer any of your calls...” She gave Dean a stern look. “If he ever does, don’t be afraid to put him in his place. Or call me so I can put him in his place for you. I have no problem with it, do I Dean?”

“No, you do not.”

Jo smiled proudly and looked back at Castiel. “I’m Jo, by the way! I’ve been a friend of Dean’s for a while.”

“I’m Castiel.” He smiled at Jo. “I uh, just met Dean a few days ago.”

“Right. Well, if he causes you any problems, he will be dealing with me.” Jo gave Dean a weak punch on the shoulder and he swatted her hand away, rolling his eyes. “Now, I could only assume you’re getting the usual.” Jo said to Dean who nodded in response. “And for you, hon?” She asked Castiel.

“Uh… I’ll just have a black coffee, please. And an everything bagel.”

“Sure thing.” Jo scribbled down the order on her notepad she previously had in her apron. She bopped Dean on the head with the notepad and went behind the counter to get their coffees and food for them.

Castiel looked at Jo as she walked away before turning to Dean. “She seems nice.”

“Jo? She is a tough little cookie. She may be small and skinny but she doesn’t take shit from anyone, which I actually appreciate a lot.” Dean commented. “I’ve known her basically my whole life. We use to be neighbors at my old house and we had several classes together when we were little, so we basically have been friends since as far back as I can remember. Jo is actually one of my only true friends that I have. She knows how to get under my skin and God knows I’ve been at my wits end with that girl, but she is my best friend. At the end of the day we always have each other’s backs. She’s like a little sister to me.”

“Yeah, I kind of know what that’s like.” Castiel said with a small nod. “I have a best friend who I would do absolutely anything for. Her name is Charlie. She has been there for me since the beginning. My first and only friend. But, even though she is my only friend, I feel really lucky to have her. She’s a good friend, and I rather have one good friend than a lot of friends who don’t care for me like how she cares for me.” Castiel loved Charlie to death. Without her, he probably wouldn’t even be on this date with Dean right now. “I mean, she helps motivate me and she has been there through all my family drama and when I came out.” Castiel said, letting that last part slip out by accident.

Before Dean could make any comments, Jo came back to the table, putting down their coffees, giving Castiel his bagel and setting a large chocolate chip muffin in front of Dean. Castiel was hoping that getting their food had distracted Dean from what Castiel had said, for some reason feeling worried after he said that he came out. Granted, he and Dean were on a freaking date right now, so it was all probably implied, but for some reason, the topic still made Castiel nervous. He watched Dean, noticing that he didn’t look bothered, instead focusing on putting sugar after sugar into his coffee. “You’re going to lose all the taste of your coffee, you know?”

Dean looked up at Castiel as he dumped his third bag of sugar into his coffee and stirred it. “It taste good this way. Straight up black is disgusting.”

“You remind me so much of my brother right now.” Castiel chuckled, thinking of Gabriel and how he packed his coffee and basically everything else he ate with copious amounts of sugar.

“You have a brother?” Dean asked and tilted his head. “Huh. I didn’t know that.”

“I have four brothers actually, and a sister. I was talking about my third oldest brother, Gabriel. You must know him, you guys are in the same grade and Gabriel isn’t exactly unknown.” Gabriel was the complete opposite of unknown. He was extremely popular in school, famous for how overly outgoing he was with every person he ever met and for being a notorious prankster.

“Gabriel…” Dean repeated, thinking carefully before his eyes widened in shock. “Wait a minute. You don’t mean Gabriel Novak, do you?”

“The one and only.”

“You’re kidding!” Dean was truly in shock over that. “Geez, I never would have guessed. You guys are really different. Don’t even look alike.” That sure was a surprise to Dean. Who would have thought that someone so loud, confident, and had a personality that demanded attention could be related to someone who seemed so shy, gentle and self-conscious.

“Yeah, I don’t think many people think we are related. Anna Novak is also my sister, and people don’t realize that either.” Castiel wasn’t anything like his siblings so it usually came as a shock to people when they found out Castiel was their brother.

“Wow… Well, that must be an interesting at home life with those two there.” Dean said, taking a sip of his coffee. “Not in a bad way or anything though.” Dean didn’t want Castiel to take him the wrong way and have him think that he was insulting his family or something. “I’ve heard of Anna, but I don’t really know her, but Gabriel is in a couple of my classes and he is pretty chill.”

“No, I get it. Gabriel is cool, he is just… A handful. Not to mention he can be annoying as hell sometimes. I don’t even want to get started with Anna.” Castiel took a deep breath and picked off a piece of his bagel, popping it into his mouth. “I have a really big family and I love them, but they are just overwhelming sometimes.”

“I understand.” Dean nodded and paused for a moment to eat some of his muffin. “So, you’re a homo then?” He asked out of nowhere, catching Castiel by surprise.

“W-What?”

“You said before that you came out of the closet?” Dean reminded him. “So, you meant that you’re gay, correct?”

Castiel blushed, his mouth slightly agape, opening and closing it like a fish. “Does it matter?” He asked, looking defensive.

“Hey, I’m not saying it in a bad way or anything. I don’t have anything against it, I just wanted to make sure that I understood correctly.”

“… Yeah, I am. That’s not a problem, is it?”

“Of course not. It would pretty awkward if I was on a date with a straight guy anyways.” Dean said and laughed a little, hoping to lighten the mood.

Castiel still was a bit frazzled, not ever knowing what to expect when he told people that he was gay, especially after how his own brother reacted to the news. “What about you then?”

“What about me?”

“Are you uhm, Gay? Or…”

Dean took a long sip of his coffee, watching Castiel before putting the coffee down, spinning the cup around slowly. “Nah, I'm not gay. I like girls just as much as boys. I have a wide variety of tastes. I don't like to limit myself. I usually go for the personality more than than the sex of the person, but I can find some great guy and girls who I am equally physically attracted to.”

Castiel's blush was still evident on his face after Dean answered his question. It was like he had some kind of power of turning Castiel flustered as hell. “Oh... Okay.” He said slowly. He took a breath and watched as Dean finished up the rest of his muffin within seconds, making him laugh. “Wow, are you a vacuum cleaner? How are you already finished with that?”

“Because it's damn good. You should eat up your bagel, they make them fresh here, and you don't want to let that go cold.”

“I'm eating it, don't worry. I may not scarf it down but that doesn't mean that I won't finish it.” Castiel picked up his bagel, taking a bite of it. He felt a lot more comfortable now. Dean was pretty easy to talk to. Castiel felt stupid for worrying so much about his date with Dean.

Dean was having a good time as well, thinking Castiel was pretty down to earth. They continued to chat casually, finishing up their coffees in no time. After saying goodbye to Jo, Dean headed back out with Castiel, who was unsure of what they were to do next. "So, uh, what's the plan?"

"Oh, don't worry, I've got something good in store for you."

"Okay, can I know what it is?"

"Hm, no." Dean decided, looking all too pleased with himself for keeping his plan a secret from Cas. "You'll see when we get there. But, I have a feeling you will like it."

Castiel didn't know where it could be, but he trusted Dean with this one. They then left the café, heading off to the next place that Dean was planning on taking Castiel to. After a while of driving, Dean finally got to his destination spot. Castiel looked out the window and saw that they were at a small building that was lit up with neon lights and inviting colors. “What is this place?” Castiel asked quietly.

“It’s a roller rink.” Dean said with a grin, looking like an easily excitable puppy.

“A… Roller rink?”

“Yup, it’s awesome, let’s go.”

“Dean, I don’t know how to roller-skate.” Castiel informed him, knowing that he would make himself look like a fool.

“That’s okay, I can teach you.” Dean told him and got the door for him again. “C’mon, it will be fun. You’ll love it!”

Castiel felt very unsure, but he followed Dean into the building anyways. They got their skates and entered the rink with caution. Dean rolled around easily, basically gliding on the shiny hardwood floor like an expert. Castiel, on the other hand, was holding onto one of the side of the rink for dear life, afraid he would fall. Dean went over to him and held his hand out. “It’s no fun if you just stand there. C’mon, skate with me.”

“I-I don’t know, Dean…” Castiel started, but Dean grabbed his hand and started pulling without Castiel’s consent. “Wait, wait, Dean!” He was going to die, he was sure of it. This was the end. He shut his eyes and squeezed Dean’s hand painfully hard, but surprisingly, he had not fell yet. “Wait… I’m doing it!” He said in excitement just as he lost his footing and fell right on his ass, taking Dean down with him. “Ow!” He complained and pouted, making Dean laugh a little, taking the fall like a good sport and not getting mad at Castiel at all for it.

“That was pretty good for your first time!” Dean complimented him on before he stood back up. He helped Castiel up as well and they began skating again. They were there for a while, both of them falling from time to time, but mostly just Castiel. Despite the fact that he would most likely wake up with a ton of bruises in the morning, and be unable to sit down because his ass hurt so much from falling, he had to say that he did enjoy it more than he thought he would.

When they finished up at the roller rink, Castiel thought that their date was going to end, and he really didn’t want it to. He was having a lot of fun with Dean and it was so much better than spending the day at home studying. “So, what now?” He asked Dean, looking hopeful that there was more to come.

“I had one more place in mind.” Dean told him as they headed back to the car.

“And where may that be?”

“If I told you that it wouldn’t be surprise, would it?”

“What is with you and surprising?"

"What can I say, I like being a mystery. But, trust me, you will like this place.” Dean was confident about this next date spot. They got in the Impala, and though Castiel kept trying to get out of him where they were going and to give him hints, Dean was strong.

When they arrived at the surprise spot, Castiel was floored. “Is this… This isn’t…” Castiel saw the cars lined up and the big screen in front, causing joy and excitement to flow in his veins. “This is a drive-in movie?! God, I haven’t been to one of these since I was really little. I didn’t even know they still existed.”

“Yeah, this sure that this is the only one running in the whole state that I know of.” Dean smiled when he saw Cas’ face light up. “So, you like it?”

“Do I? This is really cool, Dean.”

“Awesome. Because today is double feature day.” Dean parked the car and opened his car door to get out. “C’mon, let’s sit on the hood. We will get the best view from there.”

Castiel followed Dean out of the car and looked unsure as Dean got on the hood. “I don’t want to hurt your car or anything.” Castiel had a feeling if he even smudged the Impala he would be a dead man.

“You’ll be fine. Baby is strong, she can hold us both no problem.” Dean assured him. “Just don’t scratch your shoes on her and it will be all good.”

Castiel took a small breath and carefully got on the car, making sure not to harm it in any way. He sat a few inches away from Dean, not wanting to sit too far or close to him. He still couldn't believe that this was really happening and wasn't just a big dream of his. He was sitting on the hood of a beautiful car with a beautiful boy about to watch a movie in a drive-in. It was just like something out of a movie and Castiel knew it was cheesy, but he loved it. Castiel popped back into reality when he saw Dean staring back at him and he swallowed thickly and laughed a little bit. “You know, I still think you’re weird for acting like this car is a woman.”

“Just because you don’t understand my relationship with Baby doesn’t mean you should judge.”

“Right.” Castiel shook his head just as the movie started. He leaned back a little and kept his eyes on the screen. He didn't know exactly what movie was playing. It was an old black and white one, and though he usually liked black and white films, he found that he kept getting distracted by Dean. His eyes kept wandering over to him and focusing themselves on Dean’s green eyes and his stubble and those pink plump lips, unable to pay attention on the movie that was going on right in front of them. When Dean glanced in his direction, Castiel quickly looked away, hoping not to be caught. 

Castiel was not stealthy enough though because Dean had noticed the longing stares he was receiving. He didn’t make any comments about it though, not wanting to put Castiel on the spot or anything. But, Dean had to say that he did appreciated the attention and thought it was cute.

As the movie proceeded, it started to get a little cold since night was fast approaching. Dean saw Castiel shiver a little, so Dean took his leather jacket off and put it around Castiel to warm him up. As the jacket was wrapped around his shoulders, Castiel was about to protest, but he couldn't find it in himself to do so. The jacket was too warm and comfy to give it back. Plus, it smelled just like Dean, a mixture of cologne and cigarettes and some other distinct smell he couldn’t exactly place. He didn’t want to take it off, so he accepted it happily.

By both movies ended, Castiel found himself to be a little bit closer to Dean, their legs nearly touching by now. Castiel was defintely close enough to rest his head on Dean's shoulder, but he wasn't nearly confident enough to follow through with it. Dean arm did somehow find it's way around Castiel's waist though, which Castiel quite liked and could not complain about. It was really getting late now and Castiel knew he would have to be home soon before it was past his curfew. They got back in the car, Castiel handing back Dean’s jacket. “That was great.” Castiel said contently.

“I’m glad you liked it, Cas. Though I don’t know how much of the movie you actually watched since you couldn’t get your eyes off me.” Dean teased.

Castiel's face was glowing red and he shoved Dean lightly. “I did watched it all!” 

“Yeah, sure you did.” Dean said sarcastically before changing the topic. “Hey, you wanna grab a quick bite to eat? We can just stop by a fast food joint since we haven’t ate in a while. I don’t know about you, but I am starving.”

Castiel knew he should just head home, but he still had an hour before his curfew. And his stomach had been growling during the whole second movie. A quick stop to eat wouldn’t hurt. “Yeah, sure I’d like that.” He agreed.

So, Dean went to the closest fast-food restaurant that was around and went inside to eat with Castiel. Dean went to get their food as Castiel picked out a table for them to eat at. Castiel settled down by a two-seater by the window that was nice and secluded. He decided that while Dean was ordering and he had some time alone, he should check his phone for any messages from his siblings. He put his elbows on the table, as he began checking his notifications. It was then that Dean came back over to the table. Castiel’s sleeve had rolled down his arm slightly as he held his arms up on the table for support and Dean’s face went totally blank and unreadable when he got a look at Castiel's forearms. Under Castiel’s sleeve had been a pattern of raised crisscrossed scars, some fresh with a coat of pink and red tints on them, other faded and white with age. They were scattered all along on Castiel’s pale arm, hard not be noticed now that they were in plain view. The sight was spine-chilling, but Dean couldn’t take his eyes away.

Castiel saw Dean staring and at first he was confused, but when he registered what Dean was staring at, Castiel felt a wave of panic take over him. He quickly covered his arms back up with his sleeve, as if he could hide himself and take back what Dean just saw. But, there was no taking it back. And by the look on Dean’s face… God, he was probably disgusted. Castiel’s panic soon turned to pure humiliation and without thinking he got up and nearly ran out of the joint. That was the only thing Castiel could think of doing. He wanted to flee before he could witness Dean judge him and see that horrified, repulsed look on his face again. Everything had been going so well. Castiel was actually so happy for the first time in a long time, and he just had to be so careless and let Dean see that. Everything was fucking ruined.

It was only seconds later when Castiel heard Dean calling out his name, but he ignored it. God only knew what Dean was thinking about him right now. Castiel was too much of a coward to face him. But, as much as Castiel wanted to get away, he felt a hand grab his own and pull him back slightly, restricting him from his getaway. Of course it was Dean, and of course he was sporting an expression even worse than disgust. Pity. He should have expected that. If it wasn't disgust, it was pity. As if Castiel really needed that right now. 

“Castiel, please don’t leave.”

“Dean, I know what you’re thinking and—“

“No, you don’t know what I’m thinking.” Dean cut him off and shook his head. “Just… Come to the car with me. Please.” He didn’t think either of them wanted to do this in a public parking lot. The least that Castiel deserved right now was some privacy with him. So, Dean pulled Castiel gently by the hand, bringing him back to the Impala.

When they got inside, it was quiet for a good couple minutes, both of the looking for the right words to say. That was until Castiel couldn’t handle it anymore. “I know what I am, okay?” He started, taking a shaky breath. “I’m a freak. I’m a psycho freak that mutilates his body, and I know it, so you don’t have to tell me. I do know you are thinking. You think that I have serious fucking issues and I’m some crazy person who needs help, and you’re fucking right. It’s disgusting and abnormal and I hate myself for it, but it’s not my fault...” His voice broke on the last word, and that’s when the tears started coming, to Castiel’s total displeasure. “Just when you think it can’t get any worse, I’m also that kid who cuts himself because he can’t even handle his own fucking life. It’s pathetic and I’m a weak minded fuck, so, don’t even tell me because I already know.” Castiel was seconds away from a major sobbing episode, and he could feel it building inside of him.

Dean was looking at Castiel with the most horrified expression, but for completely different reasons then for what Castiel was thinking. “Just stop right there.” He shook his head, unable to believe this. “First of all, don’t ever talk about yourself like that again, go it? You are not a freak or crazy or disgusting or any of that shit you just said; let’s get one thing straight, I do not think any of that.” Dean stated, his voice filling the car with a whole different type of intensity than before. “Castiel, I understand that there are probably factors in your life that I don’t know about that are really hard and painful for you. I’m not going to pass judgement on you or think badly of you because of your scars. I would be total fucking asshole if I did, and I’m not an asshole. At least not about something like that."

Castiel felt his tears falling faster, hating how their date had went so well and now it was totally ruined. Dean surely would never want to hang out with him again after this. Castiel should have known that this was all too good to be true. Dean had seen the worst part of Castiel and it was devastatingly bad. “I know what I am…” Castiel said through his tears, trying his hardest not to break down completely. “You d-don’t have to lie to me. I’m s-sorry… I ruined the date, I’m so sorry...”

Dean took both of Castiel’s hands and squeezed them tight, leaning close to Castiel. “You didn’t ruin anything, Cas. Not a thing, I promise.” He whispered and kissed each of his hands gently, his compassion pouring out of him. “I really like you. I think you’re cool and fun to be around and you challenge me and you are so interesting. This doesn’t change any of that. You’re obviously hurting, and it’s okay if you are. But, I want to be there for you. Because I get it. I get that sometimes things get fucking hard and you feel like you have no one. I’ve been there. I had my vices too, some that I’m not so proud of.” Dean said truthfully, sighing deeply. Oh, he had his vices alright. “Listen to me. This... It doesn’t make you any less of a person than you are. You’re not pathetic or weak or any of that. I think that you deserve more, and you deserve someone to be there for you… I wouldn’t mind being that person, and you want to know why? Because I think you’re great, Cas. You’re worth a lot more than you give yourself credit for.” Dean spoke softly, being very sincere as he spoke to Castiel. It really broke his heart that someone as genuine and kind as Castiel could have such a low opinion of themselves and harm themselves like that.

Castiel stared at Dean as he spoke, sniffling a little bit. It was a lot to try and take in all at once. He let go of the other boy’s hands just to wipe his eyes, trying to get a hold of himself. He didn’t know why Dean was so nice to him or what Dean saw in him, but Castiel was so incredibly grateful that he was taking this all so well. Castiel knew for damn sure that many people would have seriously freaked out. It was like Dean was some gift from God to Castiel or something. But, when Dean said that he dealt with things badly sometimes as well... Castiel couldn't even imagine what that mean. And it made Castiel feel terrible to know that Dean, who was so caring and good-hearted could hurt himself in similar way to how Castiel hurt himself. “I-I’m just so sorry y-you had to see that and… I didn’t mean to ruin the d-date.” He stuttered, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

“Hey, I told already told you that you didn’t ruin anything.” Dean really wanted to show Castiel that just because he saw one of his weaknesses, it didn't mean that he wouldn't still be there for him. Dean would keep treating Castiel like normal, because Castiel was normal. It's not like Dean could actually act like he didn't understand or was above all that. Maybe Dean didn't cut himself, but he had other self destructive habits that were just as bad. All in all, Dean understood, and he didn't think that anything had to change because of what happened. Castiel was still the guy Dean came to liked.

Castiel still felt very bad about everything and at this point, he knew that it was getting late. By now, he honestly just wanted to go back home before things got even worse than they were, and with Castiel's luck that very well could happen. “Can you please take me home?” He asked in a near whisper, not even sure if Dean heard him.

“Yeah, of course.” Dean respected his wishes and started driving back to Castiel’s neighborhood, the ride there being totally silent. Dean wanted to say something to Castiel to make him feel better, but he also knew that Castiel probably just wanted some time to think right now and Dean would give it to him, not wanting to be too pushy.

Castiel was so exhausted by now that he actually told Dean to just drop him off at the house across from his home, not even feeling up to make the walk back. Hopefully none of his siblings were going to be spying out the window to see Castiel come back.

Dean got to the address and parked that car, looking over at Castiel. “I had a really good time, Cas. I really did.”

Castiel sighed, knowing that the date had been ruined, but before the incident, it really had been nice. Dean was perfect and the whole date had been perfect from the coffee to the roller skating to the movie. Castiel couldn't have asked for a better first date. “Thanks for taking me out. I had a great time before… What happened.” Castiel bit his lip and turned to face Dean. “And thanks for being so nice and understanding… You’re a really good person, Dean. Not everyone would be as nice as you were and… Well, thank you.”

Dean smiled and leaned over into Cas, placing a chaste kiss onto his cheek, making Castiel blush wildly and nearly have a heart attack right on the spot. “It’s the least you deserve.” Dean told him and squeezed his hand. “When can I see you again?”

The fact that Dean actually wanted to see Castiel again was shocking to him. How was Dean so damn perfect and nice? To think he was ever scared of Dean was now crazy to him. “Soon. I’ll text you, alright?” Castiel sighed softly. “I should get in before my oldest brother kills me.” He laughed breathlessly and smiled at Dean. “Thanks again, Dean.” He said before getting out of the car, waving to Dean before heading inside his house.

Castiel’s stomach felt strange and his heart was fluttering in his chest. Dean really was full of surprises. Never in his wildest imagination did Castiel ever think Dean could be that incredibly patient and sweet to him. After seeing all of that and dealing with Castiel’s breakdown, he still wanted to see him again. Castiel smiled to himself and put a hand to his chest, feeling his heart beating rapidly for Dean and only for Dean.

 


	6. Idealistic Intimacy

_“Sometimes it’s only in the ecstasy of unrepressed movement that we may enter the stillness of our authentic selves. In such sacred moments, the world seems to be in step.”_

_-Alexandra Katehakis_

 

After Castiel’s date with Dean, he managed to fall into a deep peaceful sleep, catching up on all the hours he spent awake the previous night. When he awoke, he felt completely refreshed and energized. For a minute, he was scared that maybe his day with Dean had all been a very detailed and realistic dream, but then checked his phone and saw a text from Dean that had been sent after Castiel had been dropped off. It was just a small message, wishing him goodnight and saying he enjoyed their time together, confirming that their date had very much been real.

Castiel smiled, sitting up and holding his phone to his chest. It was hard to soak all of this in. It seemed like in such a small amount of time, his whole life was suddenly getting so much brighter and it was all because of this peculiar boy that was Dean Winchester. He still wasn’t sure what exactly their affiliation with each other would be labeled as. They weren’t dating, but by the way that they acted and the fact that they definitely just went out on a date made Castiel feel like they were more than just friends. Was that even possible? Becoming more than friends with someone he just met the other day and never talked to prior to that? Castiel shook his head to clear his mind, not wanting to overthink all of that right now. The important thing about this was that for once, Castiel felt very happy. He was excited about what the future may hold for him and Dean and he was eager to see him again. Castiel had not felt like this in a while and he was more than happy to embrace the feeling.

He got out of bed, getting dressed for the day and washing up before going down to the kitchen for breakfast. It was still pretty early in the morning, so Castiel didn’t expect anyone to be downstairs yet. When he got to the kitchen, he was a little startled when he saw his brother Lucifer.

“Good morning, Castiel.” Lucifer greeted his younger brother, leaning against the counter as he sipped at his coffee he made for himself. “What are you doing awake so early? I thought you would be sleeping in considering the time you got back home last night.”

Castiel faltered for a second, feeling incredibly nervous. He didn’t think anyone had realized that he had been gone for so long. Leave it to Lucifer to be creeping around the house and noting the time Castiel got home. “I was home before curfew, so I don’t see a problem with that. And I always wake up early, it’s not a big deal.” He tried to brush off the situation as he went to the refrigerator to get out some eggs.

“Where were you all day anyways?” Lucifer asked curiously, though by the tone of his voice, it seemed like Lucifer already knew and was waiting for Castiel to lie to him.

“I left a note before I left.”

“Yeah, saying that you were going out to the library to work on a project. I read the note. But, you cannot tell me that you were at the library since the morning until curfew. So, where were you really?”

Castiel bit his lip, his mind reeling as he tried to think of some excuse. He was a terrible liar and put up against the most deceiving member of their household who was the master of lying and thinking on his feet, Castiel knew he was doomed. “I went over one of my group member’s house. We worked on the project some more and then watched some movies and hung out. Why are you making this into such a production? Am I not allowed to have a life?”

Lucifer laughed softly, making Castiel get a chill up his spine. “You can’t blame me for being surprised, Cassie. It’s not like you are always out with friends. I actually wasn’t even aware you had any other friends than that red haired girl that always is here with you.” Fuck, was that a low blow. “So, that was a different friend that drove you home?”

Castiel’s eyes widened, thankfully not facing Lucifer so he couldn’t see the horrified expression on his face. Shit, shit, shit. “Yeah, it was. How do you even know that I was driven home? Were you spying out the window just waiting for me to come home or something?” He asked accusingly.

“It doesn’t matter how I know. I just know.” Lucifer said vaguely, taking another sip of his coffee. “So, who was that?”

“You don’t know them, and why do you care anyways?”

“I think I should know who is driving my darling baby brother home.”

Castiel rolled his eyes as he got a pan to cook his eggs. Like Lucifer actually cared about that. Lucifer didn’t give a shit who was driving Castiel home, he just wanted to get the goods on him to somehow manipulate him. That was Lucifer’s method of operation after all. “It’s just a kid from school who is in my literature class. You obviously don’t know him.”

“Are you sure about that?” Lucifer put down his coffee and crossed his arms over his chest. “If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to offer you some advice. Now that you are having friends, be very careful who you’re making friends with. You don’t want to go off with someone that not everyone in this family would approve of.” He said, clearly meaning Michael. “Could get you into some trouble. And we both know how you don’t need that in your life.”

“Is that a threat?”

“A threat? No. It’s just a mere piece of advice. I’m hurt you would even suggest such a thing.” Lucifer gave a falsely innocent look before picking his coffee back up and heading out of the room.

Lucifer was so smug and deceitful. It made Castiel nervous that Lucifer was now being sneaky and trying to figure out who he was hanging out with so he would have dirt on him. And for what? Just so he could go rat him out to Michael, knowing he would go off at Castiel. Lucifer got some sick satisfaction from watching his siblings get into trouble. Castiel really had to be careful and tread lightly when it came to hanging out with Dean.

Castiel took a deep breath, trying to just relax. And he knew what would really relax him. Talking to Dean. Castiel went to the bathroom since it was close and he knew he could get some privacy in there. He locked the door before taking out his phone, scrolling down to Dean’s name before hitting the call button. It rang only a couple times before Castiel heard the deep, sleepy sounding voice on the other end of the line. That’s when it hit him that he probably woke Dean up since it was only seven in the morning.

“Hi, Dean. I’m so sorry, I forgot that it’s so early, it’s just that I was already awake and it didn’t even occur to me. Shit, I must have just woken you up, didn’t I?” Castiel rambled, blushing to himself for being so stupid.

Dean chuckled softly. “Hey, it’s okay. Nothing to get worked up over. Besides, what better way to be waken up then by a call from you.” He flirted.

Castiel was only blushing more after the comment, and he was so glad no one could see him right now. “Shut up.” Dean was ridiculously sweet and cute that it made Castiel feel like he was melting. To think Dean had a bad boy image and then said gushy comments like that was almost unfathomable. “I can let you go back to sleep if you want and call later.”

“Nah, it’s all good, I’m already up anyways.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. So, what’s up? You sound a little high strung.” Dean asked a little worriedly. “Everything alright?”

Castiel thought about the question for a minute before answering. “Uhm, I guess… It’s just that my older brother was being really nosy and trying to get in my business earlier. He makes me stressed out sometimes, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it. So, you were thinking that maybe talking to little ole me could take your mind off the stress for a while?” Dean deduced, smiling as he came to the conclusion.

“Don’t feel too cocky about it… But… You do seem to have a calming effect on me.”

“Good to know.” Dean admittedly felt a little brash, but managed to keep his composure about it. “So, maybe I would be better at helping you relax if I actually got to see you…”

Castiel perked up at the suggestion. “As much as I would love to see you again today… I don’t know. I’m not sure if my brothers would be okay with me going out again. And I don’t think the, I’m going to the library to study card will work again this time.”

“Then just say you’re hanging out with a friend. I don’t see why it’s such a big deal.” Dean said slowly, not fully understanding why spending time with a friend would be such a production.

“I know it sounds that easy, but my family is just… Seriously not normal.” Castiel ran a hand through his hair, knowing it was just too hard to fully explain. “But, I do want to see you…” Fuck it. He wasn’t going to let his brothers dictate his life right now. “Can you come over today and pick me up?”

“Of course I can. I’ll get dressed now.” Dean happily obliged. He would have made any excuse to spend time with Castiel today.

Castiel smiled to himself, feeling a lot better already. “Great. Thanks, Dean. I’ll see you soon.” Castiel hung up, having to stop himself from squealing. He was going to be able to see Dean and his day would turn around for sure. He went to get out of the bathroom, but was startled to see Lucifer standing right outside.

“I wasn’t aware that the bathroom was your area to make personal calls.” Lucifer had a smirk on his face that made Castiel more than a little bit uncomfortable. “So, who is Dean?”

Fuck.

“God, Lucifer, why are you eavesdropping on my conversations?” Castiel deflected the question and replaced it with his own.

“I was walking by and couldn’t help but overhear. But, you still didn’t answer my question. Who is Dean?”

“No one.”

“It doesn’t sound like no one.”

Castiel groaned and looked totally helpless, hating that Lucifer had to always put his nose into his business. “He’s just a friend, Lucifer. The friend I was with yesterday. Gabriel and Anna hang out with their friends all the time and you never give them crap about it, so just leave me alone. And don’t tell Michael about it.”

“If this person is just a friend then why can’t I tell Michael? Seems like you’re hiding something, little brother.” Lucifer said suspiciously. “And you cannot blame me for being interested in the fact that you’re suddenly having new friends. It’s a rare occurrence, you cannot deny that.” Lucifer paused for a moment and sneered. “Unless he’s more than a friend…”

“No!” Castiel said maybe a little bit too quickly. “No, he is just a friend. I just know how Michael tends to overreact.” He tried to explain before he was quickly interrupted.

“How exactly do I tend to overreact?” Michael said, coming into the hallway, looking at Castiel and Lucifer with a stern expression on his face.

“Oh, Cassie here was just talking to me about this new special friend he has.” Lucifer told Michael, making Castiel nearly have a heart attack.

“Special friend? What do you mean? Who is he talking about?” Michael asked Castiel, hands going to his hips.

“I-I… No one, I just was with a friend yesterday, and…” Castiel started before Lucifer interjected.

“Come on, Cassie. You don’t have to be so modest about it.” Lucifer grinned devilishly and turned back to Michael. “Castiel seems to have been making a new friend… A girl.” That totally through Castiel off. A girl? What was Lucifer doing? “Her name is Deanna. And Castiel was just telling me how he was planning to go out with her today.” Lucifer lied for reasons that Castiel was totally oblivious to.

“Really?” Michael asked, seeming a bit skeptical. “Is that true, Castiel? You have been seeing this girl?” Castiel was speechless, but Michael’s expression looked suddenly a lot less angry and suspicious. “That’s good. As long as you are back before curfew. See, I told you that you would eventually get over your little problem.”

The comment sparked a bit of anger in Castiel, knowing that Michael was just okay with this because he thought he was hanging out with a girl and that it meant he had an epiphany that he was actually not gay. None of that was true, but Castiel knew it would just be worse if he told Michael the truth. “Yeah… Right. Well, I’m leaving soon, so I’m going to get ready.” Castiel muttered, giving Lucifer a look before he left to his room, still not aware to why Lucifer would cover for him like that. It was very strange and Castiel knew better than to think Lucifer did it out of the goodness of his heart.

 

\-----------------------

 

Castiel waited upstairs for Dean to text him to tell him he had arrived. He hoped that Dean would once again park down the street so Castiel’s brothers would not go outside and see Dean. It especially wouldn’t end well considering Michael now thinks that Castiel is going out with a girl. He felt a knot form in his stomach from a mixture of nerves and stress thanks to his siblings. Castiel just couldn’t wait to get out of here already and spend the day worry-free with Dean. His thoughts were put to a halt suddenly when his phone vibrated on his lap and he saw a text from Dean saying that he arrived. With that, Castiel put his shoes on and checked himself in the mirror before nearly running out of the house. To Castiel’s displeasure, Dean’s car was parked right in the front of the house. It was a miracle that his brothers didn’t hear the distinct roar of the classic car and go outside to investigate, and Castiel wasn’t about to let them come out either. He rushed over to the Impala and jumped into the passenger seat.

“Wow, someone is super eager to leave thier house.” Dean commented as put the car into drive once Castiel buckled himself up.

“Yeah, well, I just wanted to leave before I got interrogated again.” Castiel replied and took a large sigh of relief as they headed out of the neighborhood, his house slowly disappearing in the side mirror until it was completely out of sight. “So, where are we going again?” Castiel asked, just now realizing they didn’t exactly make any plans.

Dean smiled at the question. “I had something in mind.” He informed him. “There is this big carnival being held a town away. It’s not that long of a drive and it sounded pretty cool; better than sitting at my house and doing nothing at least. You up to it?”

Castiel couldn’t help but feel a little giddy at the suggestion. “Sure, yeah. I haven’t been to a carnival since I was really little. I only went once and I barely remember it. I think it would be fun.”

“Awesome. Then it’s settled.” Dean glanced at Castiel and grinned slightly. “Are you alright? I know that family arguing can take a lot out of a person. If you want to talk, I don’t mind listening.”

“Thanks, but it’s not really a big deal. My brothers just like getting in my business and it’s annoying. One of them likes to get dirt on us to eventually use it against us in some way and my other brother is just a strict pain in the ass who wants to control my life.” Castiel sighed and laughed humorlessly. “Put them together and all I ever want to do is escape my house.”

Dean nodded slightly as he continued driving. “I understand. Well, at least you can get your mind off of it for a while, eh?”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m grateful you agreed to hang out with me.”

“Oh, I was more than happy to, really.” Dean assured him, giving him a small, dare he say, flirtatious wink.

Castiel looked down bashfully, staying quiet until they arrived at the carnival. It looked pretty large to Castiel and there was a fair amount of cars parked along the side of the street against the curb. There were big rides, flashy lights, and booths surrounding the green park where the event was being held. Castiel found it to look amazing and he was even more excited now. When they got out of the car, Dean once again getting Castiel’s door for him, Castiel marveled at his surroundings in awe. “Wow… This is bigger than I expected. What are we supposed to do first?”

“Anything you want.” Dean said, giving Castiel the reins. “We could go on a ride or go to one of the small booths or get a snack. You can call the shots, I’m down with anything.”

Castiel thought about it for a moment, a little overwhelmed at all of the options that he had to choose from. “I’d like to go to the booths.” Castiel decided. He was a little intimidated by the rides considering he never went to carnivals and he wasn’t sure how safe these rides were. Plus, the thought of getting motion sickness and vomiting all over Dean admittedly crossed his mind. 

“The booths it is.” Dean agreed and walked with Castiel to where the small booth games were. As they looked around for a game to play, Dean saw one that caught his attention. It was a shooting game, where you were given a toy gun and had to shoot three different targets for a chance to win a prize. “Hey, I bet I can win you that.” Dean said confidently, pointing to a giant stuffed dog that was the big prize at the booth.

Castiel looked at the overly sized plushy and raised his eyebrow at Dean. “Are you serious? I don’t think it’s so easy to win.” He doubted as he saw several people go up to the booth and walk away empty handed. Despite the low chance of Dean actually winning, the fact that he wanted to win Castiel a prize was really adorable and he thought there would be no harm in having him try. “Go give it a shot if you think you’re so good then.” Castiel challenged Dean.

Dean smirked and strode up to the booth with poise. The host of the booth handed him the toy gun, leaning back slightly as he watched Dean, looking bored and expecting Dean to fail since most everyone else had. Dean aimed the gun at the first target and before Castiel could even comprehend it, Dean had hit every single target right on the bulls-eye. Castiel’s jaw dropped and the game attendant’s eyes widened, both of them in disbelief at what they just witnessed.

“Man, you’re the first one to win all weekend.” The man behind the booth said. “That was pretty impressive. Which prize do you want? You got your pick at any.”

“I’ll have the giant dog.” Dean pointed out the toy and held it out to Castiel once he received it. “One jumbo stuffed puppy, just as promised.” Dean had a shit eating grin on his face, clearly proud of his outstanding accomplishment.

“Jeez, should I be worried that you’re that good around a toy gun?” Castiel joked and took the plushy. God, Dean just won him a fucking stuffed animal; surely Castiel was going to melt from how adorable and sweet that was. “Thanks. I’ll be sure to cherish this forever.”

“You better. And you got to name it as well.” Dean stated matter-of-factly.

“Name it? I’m not good at picking names out. You name it.”

“No way, he’s yours so you have to be the one to name it.”

“Fine, since you won it for me, to honor you I’ll just name it... Little Dean.” Castiel decided, not all that creative when it came to coming up with a proper name on the spot.

That got a good laugh out of Dean though, and his smile widened. “Little Dean?” He repeated, shaking his head. “It really is a true honor. Now, how about I hold Little Dean and you try out the game.”

Castiel rubbed his arm and bit his lip. “I don’t think I would be very good at this. I’ve never shot a gun before, I’d probably just embarrass myself.”

“Here, I’ll teach you.” Dean put the stuffed dog down and stood behind Castiel when he was given the toy gun. “Okay, now you’re going to want to hold your arm up, keeping your shoulder nice and relaxed. If you tense up, you’ll miss your target.” Dean started, putting a hand on Castiel’s shoulder to relax it, unknowingly giving him butterflies. “Now you want to get into a proper stance, turn slightly and keep your feet apart. Then just point, aim, and shoot.” Dean advised and stepped back.

Castiel was more than a little frazzled after Dean helped him get into the proper formation, unable to help how flustered he felt. But, he tried keeping his composure and did as Dean said. When he shot the gun, he managed hitting target, though it missed the bulls-eye. Castiel did not seem the least bit bothered by it though as he jumped up and down happily, brightly smiling at Dean for praise. “Did you see that?! I hit it!”

“Hell yeah I saw it. That was great!” Dean encouraged him, giving him a high five. He was allowed to pick out a smaller prize, mostly out of pity. Castiel picked out a little angel plushy and handed it to Dean. “Is this for me?” He asked and he felt a little touched from the gesture. “An angel from my angel. How sweet.”

His angel? Fuck, Castiel didn’t know how he didn’t just get a heart attack and die from how Dean was talking. “You’re cheesy.” He declared.

“I like being a little cheesy and I know you like it even more, so don’t even pretend you don’t.” Dean ruffled Castiel’s hair around playfully. “Now, let’s put Little Dean and my new angel in the car so we can start going on some rides. Sound good?”

“Uh… Yeah. Sounds perfect.” Castiel unsurely said, still a bit nervous about going on the carnival rides. He didn’t want to look lame in front of Dean though, and if Dean wanted to go on rides, Castiel didn’t want to deny him. So, after putting the toys in the car, they headed to the line of a mini roller coaster that was probably the biggest ride at the carnival. Though it was smaller scaled than a typical amusement park roller coaster, Castiel was still frightened.

“Hey, it’s gonna be fun, don’t piss yourself or anything.” Dean told Castiel, which only made him more defensive.

“I’m not going to piss myself! I just… Am not use to these kinds of rides.”

“These are cool, you’re going to love it, I promise.”

Castiel still was worried, and by the time that they made it to the front of the line and Castiel heard the screaming from the people who were on the carts, going down a drop, Castiel felt nearly sick to his stomach. They got strapped in and Castiel’s face went pale, which did not go unnoticed by Dean who was right beside him.

“Don’t worry, you’re not going to die.” Dean assured him just as the roller coaster began moving.

Adrenaline coursed through Castiel’s veins, but not in a way that he liked at all. “Oh god, I don’t like this, Dean. I don’t like this, I don’t like this at—“ Castiel was cut off by his own screams of terror when the roller coaster went down the first drop. From then on out, Castiel was screaming the entire time while Dean was whooping excitedly through every twist and turn and small drop. When the ride ended, Castiel was just thankful that it was over and that he didn’t throw up.

“Was that awesome, or what?!” Dean couldn’t stop grinning as they got out of the cart, heading out of the ride. “You want to go again?” He asked teasingly and Castiel shook his head quickly.

“No, thank you. I think once is more than enough.” Castiel ran a hand through his hair that was messed up even more from the wind that was hitting him during the ride.

Dean patted Castiel’s back before casually wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “Aw, you’re no fun.” He continued to banter. “We can take it easy and go on a slow ride if you want, don’t worry.”

Castiel tried to not be phased by the arm around his shoulder, though it was a bit difficult to ignore the butterflies flapping around annoyingly in his stomach. He opened his mouth to quip back a reply before he heard someone behind him say his name. It was an all too familiar voice that Castiel could place without even needing to look back. Gabriel.

As Castiel slowly turned around, he prayed that maybe he was just having a schizophrenic moment and had hallucinated his brother’s voice. But, of course, Castiel was unfortunate enough to see Gabriel standing there, looking confused to not only see his brother out and about at a public event, but also with Dean Winchester.

“Cassie… I didn’t know you were coming to the carnival today.” Gabriel said slowly, looking from Castiel to Dean and back at his brother, obviously confused about what he just came across. He wanted to ask why in God’s name was Castiel here with Dean Winchester, but he figured that may come across a little bit rude.

Castiel froze, knowing that this was a deep hole to dig himself out of. “I, uh… I didn’t really know I was coming here either. It was sort of just a last minute thing.” Castiel managed to get out, looking at his feet nervously, not wanting to make eye contact with his brother. God, he would be so unlucky that he just had to run into his fucking brother on his date with Dean. There was an awkward silence before Castiel realized he probably should say something. “Uhm, Gabriel this is my friend, Dean. Dean, this is my brother, Gabriel.”

Gabriel nodded and gave the pair a suspicious look. “Yeah, I know him.” Gabriel said before realization finally hit him. He remembered Castiel acting so weird the other day and how he had been talking to someone he had a crush on after he came home from hanging out with some mystery person. Now all the sudden he finds Castiel with Dean Winchester, whose arm was around his brother’s shoulder? It was all much too unlikely to be a coincidence. Which meant… Holy shit. The secret boy that Castiel was seeing was fucking Dean Winchester! Gabriel never would have guessed.

As the look on Gabriel’s face slowly went from confusion and shock to an impish grin, Castiel knew that Gabriel understood what was going on. “Gabe—“

“No, no.” Gabriel stopped him, putting a hand up. “You don’t have to explain anything, Cassie. I totally get it. I’ll just be on my way, I got to meet up with some of my friends anyways. You two enjoy your date.” He stressed the last word and took a couple steps up to Dean. “Before I go, I just want to make it very plain that if you dare to hurt my baby brother in any way, you will sincerely regret it. I will make sure of that.” Gabriel bluntly stated before patting Castiel’s back and heading off.

Castiel groaned and hid his face in his hands. That honestly could not have gone any worse. Well… It probably could have, but it didn’t change the fact that Castiel was still mortified. “I am so sorry about that.” Castiel apologized to Dean. “I had no idea he would be here and he had no right to say that to you.”

Dean waved it off, clearly not offended or rubbed the wrong way by Gabriel. “It’s cool, really. He was just being a good older brother. I would be the same way with Sammy. It’s really nothing to worry about or apologize for.”

Castiel was relieved that Dean was not put off by their encounter with Gabriel. “I’m still sorry about it… God, I am going to be grilled when I get home tonight.” Castiel complained, not even wanting to think of the teasing and all the questions he would have to go through. At least he could trust Gabriel enough to not tell Michael about all of this.

“I’m sure you will be okay. I’m not super close with Gabriel, but he always seemed like a pretty chill guy. And it’s not like he can exactly be judgmental about you going on a date.” Dean pointed out, since it was pretty well known that Gabriel was a proud man whore.

“Yeah, I know. But, the teasing is going to be unreal… Ugh, I don’t even want to imagine it.” Castiel sighed. “Let’s just find another ride to go on, okay?” He suggested, not wanting to think about that anymore.

As they walked around the carnival and went on different rides, Castiel couldn’t help but notice how there was several people from their school who were there and were giving him and Dean weird looks. Castiel had not expected so many people from their town to be here since they were pretty far away. It made him worry that these kids would begin gossiping about him and Dean and the last thing he needed was for this to get to his brothers. Plus, tomorrow was Monday, which meant that if people started gossiping, things were going to be very awkward tomorrow at school. The possibility was already making Castiel feel a bit anxious so he tried his best to just focus on Dean and the good time that they were having. And Castiel really was having a good time. Dean was funny and exciting and up for anything.

As the day went on, they managed to go on almost all the rides and play a good amount of the booth games. By the time that the sun began setting, they had finished almost everything and started walking back to the car. Castiel was beyond satisfied with his day with Dean once again. “Hey, Dean.” Castiel spoke up, looking up at the boy that was by his side. “Thank you for everything. I had an amazing time today.”

“It’s no problem, Cas. I had a great day too, and I have you to thank for that.” Dean countered. “You know, it’s still a little early… And I don’t want to take you home just yet if I don’t have to.” He told him sincerely, taking Castiel’s hand in his own.

Castiel felt tingles travel up and down his spine as their hands connected. He had no idea why he had such a strong reaction to Dean. It was indescribable how Dean made Castiel feel. With no effort at all, Dean could make Castiel feel so happy and at peace. How Dean managed to do that to him was a mystery. “Okay. What do you suggest we do?” He asked, wanting to spend more time with Dean as well. No way in hell did he want to go back home if he could stay with Dean instead.

“I don’t care.” Dean said so softly, he was basically whispering. “I’d do anything… We could dance on the street for all I care.” He laughed and then got a brilliant idea. Dean went inside his car and rolled his windows down before turning the radio on. A soft rock song started playing and Dean took Castiel’s hand, taking him to the middle of the road.

“Dean, what are you doing?” Castiel asked apprehensively as Dean dragged him to the middle of the street. “Are you crazy? We can’t just dance in the middle of the road!”

“Why not?”

“Because… Because people don’t just dance in the middle of the road!”

“Baby, I’m not people.” Dean told Castiel with that sideways grin that Castiel was slowly beginning to fall for. “And if I wanna dance in the street with a gorgeous boy to awesome music, then I’m not letting anyone stop me.”

Dean was so bold. Castiel was actually feeling inspired by him. “So, I’m a gorgeous boy then?”

“Don’t play coy. Of course you are.”

“No one has ever told me that before.”

“That’s a crime. But, I have to tell you that I am happy that I don’t have heavy competition.” Dean said as he kept his hand in Castiel’s, putting his free hand on his hip. He started slowly dancing with him, going to the beat of the song. “Not saying that I wouldn’t fight for you. And that’s saying something, because I don’t fight for no one. But, you’re not just anyone either, are you, angel?” Dean asked rhetorically, staring at Castiel as if he was the only other person in this world. “You and me are a couple of misfits who are destined for so much more than this life of conformity that everyone else is so persistent to be stuck in. You may not see it, but I know you got something exceptional inside you, Castiel Novak.”

Castiel stared at Dean as he spoke, getting lost in his voice yet hanging on to his each and every syllable all at once. “Have you ever thought that maybe we are just two weirdos compared to everyone else?”

“Yeah, we probably are. But, I’m more than okay with that. The methodical life is way too boring for me anyways.” Dean decided as he twirled Castiel around before placing both hands on his hips, letting Castiel rest his hands at his shoulders, swaying him gracefully. As they danced, everything else seemed to just get quiet, like they were the only ones who mattered right now and all the outside clutter just fizzled away. “I want to know everything about you.”

“You don’t.” Castiel disagreed, taking a small breath. Dean didn’t understand what he was getting into right now. “I have so many problems, Dean. What you saw at the café… That just scratches the surface of my issues. I’m a mess.”

“We’re all a mess.”

“You don’t get it. You do not know how screwed up I really am.”

“And you think I’m not screwed up?” Dean asked. “Castiel, I have problems too. Everyone has problems. Maybe you have more than others, but that isn’t going to stop me from wanting to know you. You can't scare me off that easy.”

Castiel sighed and stepped back, taking his hands off Dean. “I’m more trouble than I’m worth. I don’t know what you think you see in me, but… I’m not going to be worth it. And…” Castiel bit his lip, fiddling with his hands. “I don’t want to get attached to you just so you can realize being with me is a huge mistake.”

It was clear how self-conscious Castiel was, and Dean understood completely. He got why Castiel was afraid to become attached and why he kept pushing Dean away. Castiel believed that it was for their own good. But, Dean knew better. Dean wanted Castiel and despite what Castiel’s flaws and problems may be, Dean didn’t want to take the easy way out and just give up on Castiel. He hadn’t felt this way about someone in so long and he wasn’t about to miss this opportunity because it may get difficult down the road. To get the most rewarding things, you cannot always hold onto the safety bars. And though he may not know Castiel really well yet, he wanted to, because Dean was positive that he was worth the risk.

As Dean’s minds reeled with all of these thoughts, he suddenly found himself leaning into Castiel until his lips melded with the other’s. The kiss was brief, but passionate. Dean could at first feel Castiel tense in surprise, but soon relax as he kissed him back, putting meaning into the kiss that made goosebumps raise on both of their skin. When they finally parted, Castiel stared at Dean in utter disbelief. Dean just kissed him. Castiel couldn’t find any words, his mind blanking of everything except the thoughts of what just occurred. Castiel smiled timidly, heart racing at record speed in his chest. Before he knew it, Dean took his hand again. “I meant what I said. I really want you, Cas. I am more than willing to try this out. That is if you want me.”

Castiel didn’t need to think much after that. “… Oh, what the hell.” He muttered and gave him a smile that Dean returned. Castiel found Dean’s firm and strong lips back on his own for a moment much shorter than he would have liked before Dean was bringing him back to the car.

Dean drove Castiel back to his house since Castiel knew he would have to be home a little earlier than yesterday for his brothers not to be skeptical. As they drove, Dean kept one hand on the steering wheel as the other was interlocked with Castiel’s. The ride was quiet but in a peaceful way opposed to it being awkward as it once was when they first met. Upon arriving to the house, Dean insisted in walking Castiel to his front door. Typically, Castiel would be resistant, knowing it would be risky, but Castiel saw that both Michael and Lucifer’s cars that were normally in the driveway were not there, meaning they must have been out at work. He figured it would be safe for Dean to walk him to his door, so he agreed.

“Today was really something, Castiel.” Dean told him softly. “I’d love to have more of these types of days with you.”

“I would like that a lot. Thanks again for taking me out. I’ll see you tomorrow at school, okay?” Castiel said, clutching his stuffed dog Dean won for him.

Dean nodded and put his hand gently on Castiel’s cheek before giving him a soft and compassionate goodbye kiss. “See you tomorrow, angel.” Dean said before turning back around and going to the Impala.

Castiel stood at the bottom of his stairs, watching Dean as he left the house and went down the road. He hugged Little Dean to his chest, not even realizing how much he was smiling before his cheeks began to hurt. He could feel how deep he was falling for Dean already, and normally that would scare the living shit out of him. But, for some reason, Castiel wasn’t afraid. He probably should have been considering that this could go horribly wrong. Dean could hurt him, Michael could find out, and everything could all fall apart, but Castiel couldn’t find it in him to worry about that right now. Maybe some of Dean’s self-assurance was wearing off on him or maybe he was just caught up in the moment, but for once Castiel felt brave, and Dean gave him a happiness he use to only dream of. There was so many times Castiel let his doubts and worries cause him to miss out on his happiness. Castiel would be dammed to let this slip through his fingers.

Not this time.

Not today.

 


	7. Word of Mouth

_“It is always assumed by the empty-headed, who chatter about themselves for want of something better, that people who do not discuss their affairs openly must have something to hide.”_

_\- Honoré de Balzac_

 

Castiel was nothing short of terrified as he began getting himself ready for school the next morning. Despite having what he was sure was one of the best days of his life yesterday with Dean, the thought of going to school where he was sure people saw them together was almost too much to bear.

Normally, Castiel usually could go to school being completely unnoticed by anyone, but there were instances where people would pick on him and he would find himself being shoved against a locker or have his towel mysterious disappear after a shower in his physical education class. He wasn’t safe from being bullied or gossiped about, that was for sure; and something told Castiel that after he was caught hanging out with Dean at the carnival, his invisibility would wear off quick. Lord knew how a large majority of the students at Truman High loved to get into other people’s business, so Castiel was now an open target.

As Castiel got himself dressed, dread began to fill him more and more. It was times like these that he wish he could just pretend he was sick and stay home from school, but Michael wouldn’t ever hear of that. Castiel had perfect attendance throughout his entire high school career and he wouldn’t be allowed skip. There was really no avoiding it so Castiel just tried to keep a level head about everything and just try and focus on the positives that would come of today. He would be able to see Charlie and talk to her about everything that has been going on. She always had the best advice for him and Castiel seriously needed some. Then there was the fact that Dean would also be in school today. The mere thought of seeing Dean made Castiel’s heart flutter wildly in his chest. He knew that being together in class would only start more talk about them, but Castiel still felt so excited. Maybe people would mess with Castiel, but nobody would screw around with Dean, which meant nobody could do anything to Castiel while Dean was with him. Or at least he hoped. All Castiel wanted was a peaceful day where he could be ignored by everyone like he normally is.

Once dressed and ready to go, Castiel sneakily left his room and tried going down the stairs making the least amount of noise as possible. There was another big problem Castiel would inevitably have to face and that was dealing with Gabriel. Even though he knew that Gabriel wouldn’t be as harsh and judgmental as some kids in school would be, Castiel still wanted to avoid the whole cross-examination that his brother would put him through. He would have to deal with it eventually, but Castiel would rather it not be at his house, considering it wasn’t safe at all to talk about a topic like that without someone possibly eavesdropping.

Luckily, there was no one around and Castiel managed to make it to his kitchen to grab an apple for breakfast and then make a speedy getaway out of the house. It was still pretty early, so Castiel decided to walk to school instead of taking his bike. The last thing he wanted was to get to school sooner than he needed to. But, no matter how slowly Castiel walked, he did make it to school, much to his dismay. Castiel kept his head down, hoping he would go unnoticed like he normally was.

Of course, Castiel could never be so lucky. Any other day no one would have bothered to take the time out of their lives to even spare Castiel a halfhearted glance. But, today just couldn’t be like every other day now could it? Every person Castiel passed in the hallway gawked at him as if he was an alien or something. They began whispering amongst each other, not even trying to give an effort to make it seem like they weren’t talking about him. Castiel just looked towards the floor and tried to ignore all the attention he was getting. He never did like being the center of attention, it made him feel very uncomfortable. It was difficult to ignore all the eyes on him and the fact that the whole school was probably discussing him right now, but he still tried. He got to his locker quicker than ever before, nearly running down the halls. All he wanted was to get this day over with already and avoid as many people as he could, so he began putting his books in his backpack at a rapid pace before he felt an arm on his shoulder. He was startled from the unexpected contact, causing him to jump up in fright.

“Woah, woah, calm down. It’s only me.” Dean said promptly, holding his hands out in surrender.

Castiel’s body visibly relaxed at hearing Dean’s voice, happy it wasn’t anyone else. “Christ, Dean, you nearly scared the wits out of me. You don’t just sneak up on people like that, it’s awfully rude and I could have-” Castiel’s words came to a sudden halt as he turned around and got a good look at Dean. There was a large bruise on cheek bone, another under one eye and on the left side of his jaw. “Oh my god, Dean… What the hell happened?!” Castiel asked, concern leaking in his voice.

Dean sighed, knowing Castiel was going to freak out. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” Dean shrugged, acting as if his whole face wasn’t full of contusions.

“Bullshit. Dean, your face… Who did that to you?” Castiel asked before dread filled him. Oh god, what if someone did that to Dean because they saw him with Castiel yesterday. This small town in Kansas wasn’t really that accepting in homosexuals, let alone in this high school full of assholes. “… This is because of me isn’t it?”

Dean’s face scrunched up in confusion and he quickly shook his head. “What? Baby, no. No, god, how could you even say that? Of course this isn’t your fault. I just got into a fight with some guy, but it wasn’t because of you.”

Castiel didn’t believe it for a second. “People saw you with me… They did this to you and… It’s all my fault.” He was nearly on the verge of tears now.

“Cas.” Dean said his name firmly. “You listen to me right now. This is not your fault.” Dean sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. “I was coming back home from going to get food for me and Sammy and some guy jumped me. It was an older guy looking for money. I didn’t want to give it so… This happened. But, it’s really nothing. You should see the other guy.” Dean laughed breathlessly, trying to lighten the mood and calm Castiel down. “I’m fine. And it had nothing to do with you, so don’t you dare blame yourself.”

Castiel still felt awful for Dean, but he was relieved that at least it didn’t happen because of him. “You shouldn’t be going out late by yourself, Dean.” He said with worry. “You could have been seriously hurt.” Castiel said quietly, touching Dean’s hand to comfort him, without even thinking about it. He looked up at him, seeing the wounds and frowned. “You poor thing.”

“I know, you’re right. My neighborhood can get sketchy at night, I was being stupid. But, don’t go saying ‘poor thing’. I’m good, you don’t have to worry.” Dean gave Castiel his confident little grin. “I still look hot, right?”

Castiel couldn’t help but smile slightly. Of course Dean was going to keep his tough and joking attitude even after he just got beaten up and he must have been in pain, as much as he would try to hide it. “I suppose it gives you that signature bad boy look you’re always striving for.” Castiel giggled and looked down, seeing he was now holding Dean’s hand, right in the middle of the hallway. It felt so intense and liberating to be holding this boy’s hand in public, but as soon as he looked around and saw the looks they were getting he tugged his hand away nervously, cheeks bursting with a scarlet color. “Everyone is looking at us.” He whispered knowingly.

Dean looked around bravely before rolling his eyes in annoyance. “Yeah, why don’t you take a picture, it’ll last longer!” He said to the crowd of students, who all averted eye contact from them in an instant. “There. Now no one is looking.”

Castiel gave Dean a look of terror. “Dean!” He said in a hushed tone. “Have you lost your mind? What are you doing? You can’t do that…”

“Why not? They have no right staring at us like that. What we have going on is no one’s business but our own. They all deserve to be put in their place and since you weren’t going to do it, someone had to.” Dean shrugged, not thinking that this should be turned into some big thing.

Castiel sighed, his feelings conflicting about all this. He thought it was sweet of Dean for standing up for him, but at the same time, he thought that Dean’s little comment he just made was going to come back to bite Castiel in the ass. Maybe nobody would mess with Dean, but they sure as hell wouldn’t have a problem messing with Castiel. “I just don’t want to make trouble with anyone if I don’t have to.”

“I’m not causing any problems.” Dean replied, not seeing things in the same light as Castiel. He didn’t deal with people who gossiped and ran their mouths. When he saw it happening, he was more than happy to tell those people off. “But, if anyone gives you any shit, you tell me, okay?” He added, not going to stand for anyone harassing Castiel.

“Dean, if anyone gives me shit, I can deal with it. I’m not some helpless little baby.”

“I never said you were-“

“But, you’re implying it and it’s not appreciated.”

Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Cas, I’m just trying to help. Don’t bite my head off, I’m on your side here.”

Castiel swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. He didn’t want to fight with Dean. That was the very last thing that he wanted. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you or anything, I just… I get worried easily. It’s stupid, I know, but I can’t help it.”

“It’s not stupid. I get it. You don’t need to explain.” Dean did understand and he didn’t want Castiel feeling bad about all of this. “You look really good today.” He changed the topic, looking him up and down.

Castiel blushed once again, never thinking that he would get use to Dean flirting with him or checking him out. “I’m not in anything that nice.” He muttered bashfully, looking down at his outfit that was just a cerulean long sleeve shirt and khakis.

“I think that you look very handsome.” Dean insisted, leaning against the lockers and staring at Castiel longingly. “You look nice in blue. It’s definitely your color since it matches your eyes. But, I got to say, I also love you in red.” Dean cheekily remarked, alluding to Castiel’s stained red cheeks, which only became darker from the compliment.

“Shut up.” Castiel rolled his eyes, trying to play it cool as he attempted to hide his flushed cheeks. It was then that Castiel saw his only other friend, Charlie, walking down the hallway. Her eyes were wide as she passed by the two of them, giving Castiel a nefarious smile and winked at him. Castiel shook his head at her before she left down the hallway, noticing Dean giving him a look, clearly not knowing what that was all about. “Uh, that was my friend Charlie that I told you about.” Castiel explained, scratching the back of his neck.

“She seems like fun.” Dean laughed and looked back to Castiel. “You want to head outside to our usual spot?” He asked hopefully.

“We have class this period, Dean. The schedule changes every two weeks, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember, but that doesn’t stop me from going outside anyways.”

“I can’t skip, Dean.” Castiel laid down the law. He was already in the danger zone with his brothers. If he got caught for skipping Castiel didn’t even want to imagine the trouble that they would be in. “We have class together later though for English literature, remember? And we have lunch that we can spend with each other.” He said as motivation.

Dean sighed and pulled himself off the lockers. “I’ll be at our literature class, but I can’t promise I’ll go to any of my other classes.” He said honestly.

“Dean, you shouldn’t skip your classes either.”

“I’m not like you, babe. I’m not planning to go to college or anything once school is over. I don’t need to waste my time in class and it’s not like I’m going to find it enjoyable either.”

“It’s only a couple of classes. Please just try and go. For me.” Castiel didn’t want Dean getting into any trouble and he really did want what was best for him, so if there was a way that he could try and persuade him to go to his classes, he would try it.

“You are very persistent, huh?” Dean took a small breath and looked back at Castiel. “I’ll try, okay?”

“That’s a start.” Castiel smiled and nodded. They were silent for a moment after that and Dean began to lean in, obviously wanting to give Castiel a kiss. As much as Castiel wanted to feel Dean’s lips against his own, he pulled back enough so Dean would get the hint not to kiss him.

“Cas, you’re killing me.”

“I’m sorry, I want to, just not here.” Castiel sibilated, really not wanting to get caught. He felt really bad for being this way and having to act to sneaky. He knew Dean didn’t appreciate it, but Castiel really couldn’t let too many people know about this because if word got around enough, things could turn really bad.

“Okay, okay.” Dean said in defeat. He tried his best to ignore the sting that he felt after Castiel denied the kiss. But, he knew not to take it to heart. Castiel had his reasons for not wanting to make this public yet and Dean could totally respect that. It just wasn’t anything Dean was used to. Usually, he would be with who he wanted, when he wanted, and didn’t care who saw or what anyone thought. But, he didn’t want to put Castiel in an uncomfortable spot. So, he would try and relax a bit while they were at school. “You should go and head off to class then. The bell is going to ring soon and I have a feeling you don’t like being late.”

“You’re right, I don’t.” Castiel said quietly, feeling a little bad. He didn’t want Dean to get the wrong idea and think he was ashamed of him or anything like that. But, Castiel was thankful that Dean seemed to be so understanding about all of this. “I’ll see you at lunch, okay?” He smiled at him, squeezing his hand once he saw most people had cleared out of the hallway and he hurried off to his first class.

Dean stood at the lockers, watching Castiel until he took a corner and was out of sight. A minute went by and the bell for first period rang. He thought about just skipping class, since he didn’t want to go, but he would have felt bad after telling Castiel that he would try and make it to his classes. He could at least try his first class out. He took his phone out to see what class he had first, hoping it would be something that wouldn’t be completely boring.

Remedial Math. Awesome. That sounded like loads of fun.

Dean trudged off to his math class, walking in late as usual. His teacher gave him an annoyed look when he came in, but didn’t give him much else attention. Most teachers knew by now that Dean was a lost cause and there was really no point of telling Dean that he should try and arrive earlier since it wouldn’t do any good. He purposely disregarded all the looks he was getting and sat in the back of the room. It wasn’t until after he sat down that he realized that right beside him was Gabriel Novak. For anyone else, sitting next to the brother of the boy you had been seeing that had caught you on a date just the day before would be awkward. But, not Dean. So, he just nodded his head to him in greeting, not about to make this cumbersome if Gabriel didn’t.

Gabriel glanced over at Dean and leaned back in his chair as he popped a multicolored lollipop out of his mouth. Oh, this was going to be interesting. “Winchester.” He addressed him. “What happened to your face? Looks like you got into a bar fight with ten different people.”

“It’s a long story.” Dean blew off the question, never really being one to talk about things that happen in his personal life to complete strangers.

“Fair enough.” Gabriel dropped the subject. “You know, I almost forgot you were in this class you’re absent so much.”

“Yeah, well, you can’t blame me. This teacher is boring as shit.” Dean casually shrugged.

“I can’t argue with you there. Sometimes I truly think that I would rather get stabbed to death than have to sit through this class for an hour.”

Dean snorted and shook his head. “I feel you on that one. I don’t know even know how the teacher could possibly keep herself sane.”

“Dude, she doesn’t. Just look at her. She is chalk full of mental problems. That what happened when you teach math to teenagers for twenty years. It’s a wonder how she hasn’t already gone postal on us. Especially on you who is never here and me who is constantly giving her hell.”

“Yeah, any day now I’m sure it will happen.” Dean joked, more than a little surprised by Gabriel’s friendly behavior. Gabriel always seemed pretty laid back, but Dean wasn’t expecting him to act all buddy-buddy with him after yesterday. It was a pretty nice surprise.

Gabriel put his lollipop back in his mouth, sucking on it for a moment and looking back to Dean. “So, what exactly is going on with you and Cassie? Are you guys a thing or something now?”

There it was. “Yeah, I guess we are.” Dean nodded. “Cas is really cool and I like him a lot.”

“So, what I walked in on yesterday… That was a date then?”

“Yes.”

Gabriel took a deep breath, processing all of this. “How did you two even meet? It’s sort of out of nowhere, isn’t it? Castiel never mentioned you before. I didn’t even know you guys knew each other and now you’re seeing each other?”

“There isn’t any big secret behind it. I sat with Castiel during one of his free periods and we started talking. One thing led to another, and I think you can understand the rest.” Dean explained, his voice mellow and calm.

“Hmm.” Gabriel hummed and straightened himself up a bit. “Look, Dean. I don’t know any of the specifics about what is going on between you and Cassie, but I just need to tell you one thing. Cas is a good kid. And I mean a really good kid. Like… I don’t think he’s ever been with anyone before.” Gabriel informed him. “He’s not like we are. And more than that, he’s been through hell for most of his life. So, if this is all some plot to have sex with him and hit the road, we are going to have serious problems.”

Dean was beginning to get really tired of people assuming things about him already. “That isn’t my intention at all, Gabe. Yeah, maybe I haven’t been the most serious person as far as relationships go, but… I feel different with Cas. I really do like him a lot and I wouldn’t hurt him like that. If you believe me or not, that’s your problem, but that’s the truth.”

Gabriel stared a Dean for a moment. “I do believe you.” He decided finally.

“You do?”

“For now. You haven’t given me a reason not to believe you. And you better not give me one.”

“I won’t.” Dean promised. “If I do anything to hurt Castiel, you have full permission to do as you please in retaliation.”

Gabriel scoffed slightly. “Oh, if you do something, I won’t need your permission. But, I’m glad we are on the same page.” He reached into his pocket, grabbing a bag filled with gummy bears out and began eating them. He took a handful and looked back to Dean. “You want some?” He asked, handing them over as some kind of truce. Gabriel didn’t know Dean well, but he knew it would be pointless to start some kind of war with him before he even hurt Cas. Plus, it would probably be in his best interest to get closer to Dean just in case.

Dean took the gummy bears and nodded in thanks. Maybe Gabriel was still a little suspicious of Dean’s motives, but at least he was trying to be a good sport of this and at least give him some kind of chance. Dean couldn’t blame Gabriel for his suspicion anyways. Dean use to be known to fool around just like Gabriel. It was fair to think that maybe Dean wanted just a fling with Castiel, but it wasn’t that way and Dean would prove it.

 

\-----------------------

 

Concurrently, as Dean suffered through his math class, Castiel was in the library for his European History class. They were supposed to be doing research for a paper that they had due at the end of the week, but Castiel found himself too busy daydreaming to concentrate for long. He already had an ample amount of research already finished ahead of time, so he wasn’t that worried. How was he supposed to focus on famous European leaders of the nineteenth century when Dean Winchester existed? It was basically impossible. The only thing that was successful in snapping him out of his thoughts was when he felt his hair get ruffled around unexpectedly. He looked and saw that Charlie was the culprit. “Why must everyone try and make my hair look worse than it already does?”

“It’s not my fault. You just have perfect hair for ruffling around.” Charlie defended her action in a jocular fashion. “But, I did not come over here to talk about your pretty black locks and you know it.” Charlie leaned in a little and gave him a knowing look. “I saw you and your dreamboat looking pretty intimate this morning.”

“What? It didn’t look intimate… Did it?” Castiel asked nervously, hoping no one else saw and thought the same thing.

“I mean, it did to me. Don’t look so worried, will you? Now come on, you have got to spill everything that has happened this weekend! Don’t leave out a single detail.”

Castiel proceeded to tell Charlie everything just as she wanted. From going to Dean’s house and eating pizza with him, to the drive-in movie and how Dean shared his leather jacket with him, to their carnival date and their kiss, to how Lucifer got very suspicious and lied to Michael about Dean. Charlie was no less than fastidious the entire time, making sure she heard and understood every detail of Castiel’s story. By the end of it, she had a huge smile on her face and brought Castiel into an almost rib breaking hug.

“Oh, Cas! I’m so proud of you!” Charlie kissed his forehead and finally let go when he began to complain that he couldn’t breathe. “You had your first kiss! With Dean Winchester! And by the sound of it, he is so into you!”

“Charlie, be quiet.” Castiel hushed her, not wanting the whole school to know about this.

“Sorry, sorry! It’s just… Just a couple weeks ago you were the shyest kid I ever knew and now look at you. You’re blossoming and kissing boys and have a boyfriend. You have no idea how happy I am for you.” Charlie sincerely stated.

Castiel smiled and hugged her again. “Thanks, Charlie. That means a lot. I’m just really nervous, you know? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but everyone has been giving me looks and whispering about me… I don’t like it. The whole school must know that Dean and I have something with each other. What if Michael finds out?”

“He won’t. He already thinks that you’re dating some girl. I don’t think that word would even get out to him. You’re just being paranoid.”

“I am? You know Michael has eyes everywhere. It’s scary how he finds stuff out. And if he knew this…”

“Cas, he is not going to find out. You need to think positive for once. You know what they say. If you think positive, positive things will happen to you. You have always been such a worrier, it’s time to just let that go and live your life. Obviously Dean makes you happy so focus on that.” Charlie advised him, patting his back in support.

“I guess you’re right.” He agreed and rested his chin in his hand. “So… It really sounds like he likes me?” He couldn’t help but ask, smiling to himself.

“Duh! And I saw the way he was looking at you too. Like you were the prettiest thing in the world.” Charlie said with an over exaggerated sigh before giggling. “I think it’s absolutely adorable. You are so lucky, Cas. Not only do you have a boyfriend now, but you have one that obviously thinks the world of you, is chivalrous, and needless to say is a total hunk. Even I know that and I’m as gay as they come.”

Castiel chuckled at that, feeling a lot better after talking to his friend. “He is really good to me, Charlie. I think I’m really falling badly for him. I can’t even do my research paper because he’s the only think I can keep a stable thought about.”

“And you know it’s serious is you think about him rather than homework.” Charlie teased. “So, do you think you’re gonna like… You know?”

“Huh? Am I going to what?”

“C’mon, Cas, I know you’re new to all of this, but you’re not that dense. You know what I’m talking about.”

“I really don’t.”

Charlie face palmed herself and shook her head. “What I mean is are things getting serious enough that you think you’re going to… Do him?”

“What?!” Castiel nearly shrieked, causing a couple people to glance their way, including the librarian, who looked far than pleased with the small outburst. “Charlie, are you crazy? We have only went on a couple dates. We kissed for the first time yesterday. How could you even ask that?”

“Jeez, it’s not that crazy of a question. This is the twenty-first-century, Cas. Having sex as a teenager isn’t exactly a taboo.”

“I can’t… I can’t do that. I’m not ready at all. Do you think he wants to?” The question made Castiel’s stomach churn in discomfort. “God, what if he makes a move… I won’t know how to handle it and I’ll totally embarrass myself…”

“Cas, calm down.” Charlie said quickly, not meaning to freak him out. “It was just a question, okay? And if Dean is as good of a guy as you say, then he won’t rush you, so you shouldn’t worry.”

“But, what if eventually he will want to and I’m not ready? I’m sure he’s had sex before, Charlie.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he has. But, if you’re not ready, you say you’re not ready. I don’t think he would try and force you and if he does he’s an asshole and you don’t need him.” Charlie put it simply. “I didn’t mean to make you crack up. I was just wondering. And hey, maybe eventually you would want to.”

“That day isn’t going to be anytime soon.” Castiel muttered, not even wanting to think about that right now. That was seriously a lot to handle on top of everything else that was going on. “How are you and Gilda doing?” Castiel asked suddenly, wanting to focus on something else right now to calm himself down.

“Oh, uh…” Charlie faltered slightly at the question, putting on a smile that only Castiel would know was fake, though she hoped her act was good enough to hide it from him today. “We’re good.”

Castiel of course saw right through that. No matter how preoccupied Castiel’s mind was, he knew when his best friend was sad and when she was lying to him. “Yeah, right. We both know that’s not true.” He frowned and took her hand. “What’s wrong, Charlie? Did something happen with you and Gilda? Did something happen on your date this weekend?”

Charlie shrugged, laughing half-heartedly. “Maybe just the fact that she didn’t show up.” She said, having a hard time trying to keep her composure as she talked about it. “We have been planning this for six months, Cas. Six months and I find myself waiting at a restaurant for her for an hour and she doesn’t show up. The freaking waiter even brought me a piece of sympathy cake for free.”

“Oh, Charlie… I am so sorry.” Castiel hugged her tightly. “God, I’ve been so selfish just talking about myself and complaining and I didn’t even ask about you.”

“Shut up, Cas. Don’t act like it’s your fault. You’re finally happy and you deserve this. And the fact that things are working out for you and Dean makes me feel so much better. I don’t want us both to suffer. I’m happy one of us is happy.”

“But, you deserve to be happy too. Did she ever call or message you or anything afterwards?”

Charlie shook her head sadly. “I left her too many messages than I’m proud of admitting. She hasn’t answered any of them and… She isn’t going to.”

“Why do you say that? Maybe something came up last minute, like a family emergency or something?” Castiel suggested, wanting there to be some hope for his friend.

“No, it’s nothing like that. She… She been updating her profile, so she has just been ignoring my messages. And she updated her photos as well.” Charlie wiped her eyes a little and sniffled, hating that she was breaking down like this in the middle of the fucking library. “She has pictures kissing some other girl. A lot of them.”

“God, Charlie...” Castiel continued hugging her, rubbing her back to sooth her. Usually it would be Charlie comforting Castiel, she was always so strong. But, Castiel would be dammed if he let Charlie be upset and alone through this. “You deserve so much better. And you will find someone. It will be someone a lot better than some girl off the internet, I promise.”

“I don’t know… I’m sorry for acting like a whiny bitch. It all just stings right now, you know?”

“You are far from a whiny bitch, Charlie, don’t be ridiculous.” Castiel told her and pushed some of her hair out of her face and put it behind her ear. “Everyone gets heartbreak sometimes. But, I know you’re strong enough to get through it. You’re the strongest person I know.”

Charlie smiled softly and wiped her eyes. “Thanks, Cas. At least I still have you.” She said, ruffling his hair around again and laughed a bit. She really was feeling a little better after talking to Castiel. It was hard to keep all of that inside, so it was nice to vent to him. And they spent the rest of the next two periods talking and venting about everything. Soon enough, it was time for lunch, so Castiel and Charlie went together, grabbing their food and heading off to their bench together.

“So, is your lover boy joining us today?” Charlie asked Castiel, nudging his side with her elbow.

“Yes. And you have to play nice with him.”

“Like I ever would ever confront him and make it known that no matter what I will always be your first love. Please, Castiel, what do you take me for?” Charlie said sarcastically and stared snickering mischievously.

“I mean it, Charlie. And don’t say anything embarrassing either.” Castiel added as he saw Dean walk out of the school, looking around for him. Castiel smiled and waved at him to signal him to come over.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean smiled and sat beside him before looking at Charlie. “Charlie, right? Cas talks a lot about you, all good things of course.”

“I would only hope it would be good things.” Charlie said and smiled, shaking Dean’s hand. “And Castiel has said only good things about you as well. How you’re sweet and cute and how he can’t stop thinking about you.” Charlie admitted, making Castiel give her a death look and have his cheeks turn bright red. She just couldn’t help but tease Castiel a little bit.

Dean smirked at the comment and glanced back at Castiel, putting a hand on his leg under the bench and patting it gently. “Oh, really? Good to know.” He chuckled as well.

“Did you not bring any money for food?” Castiel asked Dean, trying to play it cool and not acting super embarrassed.

“Nah, but it’s no big deal, I’m not that hungry.” Dean shrugged, but Castiel just rolled his eyes at the comment and split his sandwich in half, lending some to Dean. “Aw, you’re the best babe.” He kissed his cheek and took a bite of the sandwich, not noticing Charlie smiling widely at the two of them.

The kiss caught Castiel by surprise, and though he should have been worried if anyone saw, he was too happy to even care if anyone did see. “Uh, did you go to all of your classes?” He asked, sounding like he was in some sort of daze after the kiss.

“I did. But, I got to tell you that I didn’t make it all the way through my second class. It was chemistry though and we just kept getting lectured so you can’t blame me for bailing.”

“I guess it’s better than skipping all together.”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking.” Dean agreed. “I talked to your brother in my first period class, by the way.”

Castiel nearly choked on his sandwich he was currently eating and looked at Dean with a scared expression. “You talked to Gabriel? What happened? What did he say?”

“Not a lot. He was pretty chill about everything.” Dean told him. “He was a little suspicious at first, but I told him my good intentions and he said he would take my word for it and he wouldn’t kill me unless I hurt you.”

“Right… Well, as long as everything went alright I guess that’s pretty good.”

Dean nodded, happy things seemed okay on that front. He looked around and then turned to Castiel. “Hey, is it cool if my friend sits with us today? It’s Jo, remember? From the café?”

“Oh. Yeah, of course, that’s no problem.” Castiel saw the skinny blonde girl approached the table seconds later, clearly having been told by Dean to sit with them. Honestly, Castiel felt a little intimidated by the girl, unable to help himself. It was just that she was gorgeous and apparently close with Dean. Castiel had serious self-confidence issues, he couldn’t help but feel unreasonably jealous towards this girl.

“Hi, guys!” Jo happily sat herself across from Dean and beside Charlie. “Nice to see you again, Castiel. Hope you don’t mind an extra guest at your table today. Dean invited me and I thought it would be best to make sure he keeps himself behaved.” She joked.

“It’s no problem at all.” Castiel assured her. God, she seemed so down to earth and nice, Castiel actually felt terrible for being so apprehensive toward her. She was making it very hard to dislike her.

Jo began eating a salad that she had brought with her and made eye contact back to Castiel. “I heard you and Dean went on a cute little date this weekend. You must be special if you got this lug to actually be romantic with you.”

“Oh, uh…” Castiel smiled shyly, really feeling special, especially after he saw Dean’s cheek turned the smallest shade of pink. Dean Winchester was blushing. That certainly was a sight to see. “It was a really nice date. Dean planned a lot of cool things, it was a lot of fun. Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Nope. Haven’t exactly found the right person for me, I guess. But, it’s all cool, I like being single. I’ve always been pretty independent by nature.” Jo then looked over to Charlie next. “What about you? You got a special someone?”

Charlie looked surprised when Jo asked, not expecting her to talk to her. “Who me? No, I don’t anymore. But, hey, single and ready to mingle.” Charlie laughed. “I guess we will be dealing with enough romantic relationship gooeyness with these two.”

“I totally agree.” Jo agreed, the two of them winking at Dean and Cas, who rolled their eyes at both girls. “Oh, watch out. Crazy prankster coming, two o’clock.” Jo warned them and Castiel looked over, seeing Gabriel making their way over.

“Oh no…” Castiel muttered, not knowing what his brother could have wanted. “This can’t be good.”

“Hello, everyone. Sorry to interrupt the party here.” Gabriel said smoothly, ignoring the way Castiel was glaring at him. “I just have one thing to say to Dean.”

Castiel crossed his arms over his chest. “What exactly do you have to say to Dean, Gabriel?”

“Chill, Cassie. I was just going to ask Dean to dinner tonight.” Gabriel said, making everyone at the table seem a little shocked.

“Dinner?” Castiel repeated slowly.

“Dinner. I decided that if you and Dean are going to start sharing spit with each other on a daily basis then I want to get to know Dean a little bit better. What better way to do that but to have dinner.”

“Gabriel, no. Are you crazy? You want Dean to come have dinner where Michael is going to be? No way in hell.” Castiel shook his head, not knowing where this was coming from.

Gabriel sat himself down in between Castiel and Dean intrusively. “Cassie, Cassie, Cassie. I wouldn’t be so stupid to suggest this if our brothers were going to be home. Michael is going to be late from the hospital and Lucifer is currently working a case so knowing him, he won’t even be home in a few days to a week. As far as Anna goes, she is never home anyways, and Alfie will be staying at the neighbor’s house for some birthday party for the kids down the street.”

Castiel looked unsure, though he supposed that Gabriel wouldn’t take no for an answer. “Fine.” Castiel murmured, thinking it would be the most awkward dinner ever. “As long as Dean wants to that is.”

“Sure.” Dean agreed, not seeing why not. “But, is it cool if my little brother comes as well? I don’t want him to have to eat alone tonight.”

Gabriel shrugged nonchalantly. “Yeah, that’s fine. So, I will be seeing you and your brother tonight.” He said before the lunch ended. He patted both Dean and Castiel’s back before heading over to his other friends he was with previously.

Charlie and Jo got up from the table then. “I guess I’ll see you two lovebirds later.” Jo said and waved to them.

“Yeah, I’ll text you later Castiel.” Charlie said and looked over at Dean. “Take care of him.” He told her and Dean nodded and laughed.

“That was interesting.” Dean smiled a bit at Castiel. “Your friend Charlie is cool. I like her. And she seemed to get along good with Jo as well, which is also good.”

“Hmm? Yeah, I guess so.” Castiel said absently and tugged Dean’s sleeve slightly. “We should go to our class now. And hey, thanks for agreeing on dinner. Gabriel would have made a big drama if you didn’t agree.”

“It’s no problem, Cas. I’d like to have to dinner. It’s totally reasonable.” Dean said as they headed back into the school together.

Dean and Castiel sat together during their Literature class. People were whispering more than ever, but Dean once again didn’t pay it any mind. He had a very hard time paying attention to anything that the teacher was saying. Rather than that, Dean found himself staring at Castiel as well, smiling at him from time to time. Castiel smiled back, but just took notes and read the sections in their book that they were assigned. As much as he would like to just sit in the back and talk to Dean, he had to pay attention to what was going on, not wanting his grades to start slipping. He could only imagine how Michael would react if he thought that now that Castiel was dating, a girl or guy, and his grades began dropping, Castiel would never be able to go out ever again.

It wasn’t long before the class ended and school was over all together. “Hey, do you need a ride home, Cas?” Dean asked as they walked out of the classroom. “Because I’d be more than happy to drive you.”

“Oh, Dean, it’s okay. I don’t live too far and I can walk-“

“So, it’s settled, I’m driving you home.” Dean interrupted, not about to let Castiel walk home if he could help it. “Just get your things and we can head out to the car.”

Castiel smiled gratefully. “Thank you, Dean.” They went over to his locker and got his backpack and jacket. Castiel took his time, not really wanting everybody to see them going out to Dean’s car together. It would just stir up more talk. Before he needed to say something for them to stall, Sam came up to them.

“What’s up, kiddo?” Dean smiled at his little brother.

“Not much.” Sam looked at Dean, staring at his bruises. “How are you feeling?” He asked slowly.

Dean saw the way Sam was looking at him and he gave him a look. “I’m fine, Sammy.” He told him shortly, which Castiel noticed and found very odd, but didn’t comment on. “I’m going to drop Cas off at his house before we head home and we are going to be having dinner at his house today.”

Sam smiled at Castiel and nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good.” He agreed, biting his lip a little. “Uh, but didn’t you say that you didn’t want your family knowing about Dean? Did you change your mind?”

“Uh, no not really.” Castiel laughed lightly and shook his head. “But, it will only be with me and my brother Gabriel, who is actually the one who suggested you guys come for dinner.”

“Gabriel? He wanted Dean and I to come to dinner?” Sam asked with wide eyes. Sam knew Castiel’s brother. Gabriel Novak. He was basically famous at the school, not that he ever talked to Sam before or anything. It just came as a shock to Sam that Gabriel would want them to go to his house for dinner.

“Yeah, but I promise we will have some good food.” Castiel assured Sam as they made their way to the Impala. Castiel really did like Sam, and he was happy he would be coming to dinner. That would probably make it a lot less awkward.

“As long as it isn’t something microwavable, I’ll be happy.”

“It won’t be, trust me.” Castiel said just as a few kids came running through the hallway, knocking Sam over and almost taking Castiel down as well, clearly bumping into them on purpose.

“Later, faggots!” One of the guys called out and the others all laughed.

Dean clenched his fist, his facial expression being completely bellicose. He took a few steps forward and Castiel knew he wanted to go after the guys. “Dean, just stop.” Castiel nearly begged him, not wanting to make this situation worse. “They’re already gone.” He said and kneeled down, grabbing some books that flung out of Sam’s hands. As Castiel and Sam grabbed a couple of books, Castiel saw Sam’s jacket sleeve rise a bit, revealing a horribly dark bruise that matched the ones on Dean’s face. “Oh my god, Sam, are you okay?!”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It happens a lot, it’s not a big deal.” Sam muttered, figuring that Castiel was talking about how he just got knocked down. But, when Castiel came over and lifted his jacket sleeve, Sam felt a little panicked. The purple and green bruise was exposed completely and Sam jerked his arm back nervously and looked to Dean as if wondering what to do.

“Sam, that’s a serious bruise. How did that happen?” Castiel asked in worry before looking to Dean. Both Dean and Sam had dark, fresh bruises on them. That was more than a little suspicious. Sam wasn’t answering, just looking at Dean and Castiel felt like he knew what was going on, and the thought made him feel sick. “Dean-“

“Sam fell.” Dean said quickly, his expression stoic. “He fell this morning and hurt himself.”

Castiel knew it was a lie. He knew it, but he didn’t know what to say. Obviously Dean wasn’t going to tell him the truth. He just looked at the two brothers, not knowing what to say. “Dean…” He tried again.

“We should go to the car.” Dean interrupted once again, not looking Castiel in the eye. “Sam and I have a few things to do before we come for dinner.” He rushed out before walking towards the exit of the school to go to the parking lot. Sam gave Castiel a helpless look before following Dean outside.

The car ride to Castiel’s place was needless to say a quiet one. Castiel wanted to say something, but maybe now just wasn’t the right time. He was always bad with situations like this. Though he didn’t exactly have many situations like this often. He swallowed thickly when they arrived to the front of his house. “You guys are still coming to dinner, right?” Castiel had to ask. After the awkwardness they just experienced, he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean didn’t want to come over anymore. Or even talk to Castiel anymore.

Dean took a deep breath and finally looked at Castiel. “Yeah, I wouldn’t miss it for anything.” Dean told him and leaned over, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

Castiel bit the inside of his cheek and nodded, too cowardly to say anything right now. He got out of the car and waved at the two Winchesters before they left down the road. Castiel hurried inside his house and closed the door, sliding down it and running a hand through his hair. Castiel needed to talk to Dean about all of this. Maybe after dinner or something, when he and Dean could be alone. But, Castiel would need to say something today. If his suspicions were right… Castiel needed to take a stand. He didn’t want to see Dean or Sam with anymore bruises. Castiel cared too much about the both of them to just act like nothing happened. He absolutely refused to.

 


	8. Undisclosed Misery

_“This is for the kids who know that the worst kind of fear isn't the thing that makes you scream, but the one that steals your voice and keeps you silent.”_

_― Abby Norman_

 

The evening came quickly, maybe even too quickly for Castiel’s liking. As Gabriel had said before, all of their siblings were gone and most likely not coming back for enough time for Dean and Sam to come over for dinner. Gabriel had left to go to the store to buy some fresh bread and some dessert as Castiel stayed home alone, making the dinner. As important as this dinner was for Castiel, he just couldn’t keep his mind focused on the food he was cooking. All that he could think about was Dean and Sam and the appalling bruises they had. The bruises that Dean had lied to Castiel about.

As Castiel’s began thinking more about it, he didn’t even realize that the water that he sent to boil was bubbling over until he heard a loud hissing sizzle from behind him. He gasped and frantically turned the heat down and moved the pot off of the burner before he managed to set the whole house on fire. God, there was just too much on his mind right now. From worrying about the Winchesters to worrying about how this dinner would go, praying that Gabriel wouldn’t embarrass him in front of his new boyfriend or be so weird and loud mouthed that he would leave Dean wanting to head for the hills. Also, the fact that one of his other siblings could possibly come home unexpectedly and then Castiel would have to find some way to explain all of this mess.

There was so much on Castiel’s plate. He needed to find a way to balance everything and just relax. This was not going to be easy.

Not much longer, Castiel snapped out of all of his thoughts instantly when he heard the doorbell ring. He took a deep breath, knowing he had to just be cool and cordial and laid back. It was just Dean and Sam after all, there wasn’t anything to worry about. But, Castiel knew that deep down it wasn’t so much the dinner he was concerned about. He had no idea how he was going to talk to Dean about the serious issues that were the bruises that not only Dean wore, but Sam did as well.

He had to ignore the worry for now though, as he dropped some pasta into the boiling water and went to get the front door.

“Hi, guys. Please, come in.” Castiel welcomed the two brothers who were standing at the front of his porch. Both Dean and Sam were in button ups and jeans, not exactly formal, but it was obvious that they gave their best effort to look good for tonight. The fact that they gave that initiative at all was touching to Castiel. “You both look handsome.”

“Thanks.” Sam spoke up and smiled at Castiel as he walked in. “Your house is so awesome, Cas! It’s huge… I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a big house in my life. It’s even nicer on the inside.” Sam wasn’t use to being inside of large, beautiful homes such as the Novak residence. He truly was amazed.

“Oh, it’s really nothing too special.” Castiel replied modestly, truly never thinking much of his house and he certainly didn’t want to brag or come off pretentious or anything. “The kitchen is down the hall to your left. Dinner is almost done, I’m making fettucine Alfredo; I hope that’s okay with you guys.”

“That sounds great!” Sam assured him as he looked around Castiel’s hallway at some of the art that hung on the wall. “This is a Monet, right? It’s so cool.”

Castiel glanced at the painting and nodded. “Yeah, my parents bought it a while ago, it’s been up there ever since I can remember.”

“We don’t have any art in our house. You’re lucky.”

“I suppose.” Castiel never really considered having paintings being lucky, but he supposed that if he looked at it from Sam’s perspective, he could understand what he meant. “Anyways, Gabriel went to the grocery store to pick up a few things, but he should be back soon. I’m almost done cooking as well, so you guys can head to the kitchen if you want.”

Sam nodded absently, continuing to look around the house with interest, slowly making his way out of the hallway, walking towards the kitchen.

Castiel turned to Dean, who was still standing by the door. “You really do look charming.” Castiel said softly, taking a few steps over to him. Normally, he would be afraid that maybe his heart was beating so loud that Dean could hear it. But, he wasn’t afraid this time. He didn’t think he would ever be afraid again.

“I could say the same for you.” Dean gave Castiel a grin, his wheedling nature coming out of him as it always did. He looked Cas up and down, unable to help a small chuckle that came out when he saw Castiel in a little _Kiss the Cook_ apron. “Cute.” He pointed at the apron. “I guess I can’t deny the apron, can I?”

“I guess not.” Castiel said a little bravely. He didn’t know where his sudden confidence was coming from, but he liked it.

Dean had an amused look on his face, though when he started coming in closer to Castiel’s lips, his expression changed into one that was much more adoring. Their lips connected, Dean’s hand wandering around Castiel’s waist to pull him closer. The kiss lingered for a moment, leaving Castiel inevitably breathless. Castiel’s eyes met Dean’s and sure enough, Dean was smiling down at Castiel, as if the awkwardness that had happened earlier today never happened. But, it wasn’t like Dean was trying to be fake right now, or play it off like he was fine when he wasn’t. Castiel knew from the expression that Dean was just genuinely happy. The crazy part that was hard to fathom was that, Dean was happy because he was with Castiel. Never in his life, did Castiel ever think he could be the cause of someone to smile the way Dean was smiling right now. It was honestly beautiful.

“We should probably get back to the kitchen before your food burns.” Dean whispered after a brief period of time of silence that felt like seconds to Castiel, but was probably a solid minute of two.

Castiel nodded and grabbed Dean’s hand, walking to the kitchen with him. He walked over to the stove, checking over the pasta that was still cooking and then working on his Alfredo sauce for the meal.

“Can I help at all?” Dean asked as he sat at a stool that was at the counter.

“Don’t let him!” Sam said from the kitchen table, giving Castiel pleading eyes. This was supposed to be a good meal, and as much as Sam loved his older brother, he was not going to let him screw up the one dinner he could have that wasn’t from a frozen package or a delivery man.

“I won’t let him ruin any of the food, Sam, don’t worry.” Castiel laughed, patting Dean’s hand when he saw that offended pout he had on his face. “You can stir it all in once I put the ingredients in, okay?” Castiel offered the simple job. It was cute that Dean wanted to help, Castiel couldn’t just say no to him.

“That sounds good to me.” Dean agreed. “I won’t mess it up, you can trust me.”

“I believe you. You know, if you want to learn how to cook, I wouldn’t mind teaching you.” Castiel said as he let the cream simmer for a few minutes. “I’m no chef, but I know how to cook a few things. It would be fun, and I’m sure Sam would be highly appreciative of some good home-cooked meals from time to time.”

Dean thought about for a minute before a smile came to his face. “That would be nice. I could totally serve Sam something delicious and then he wouldn’t believe it was me.” He predicted. “Just think… Chef Dean. God, that sounds good. That does it, you’re definitely making me into your little culinary protégé.”

Dean was the most adorable boy alive. Castiel was only confirmed of that now. “I like the sound of it too. I’d love for you to be my sous chef.” He leaned over to give Dean a peck on the lips before adding in some garlic and cheese. “Alright, here you go.” He handed Dean a large wooden stirring spoon. “Time to show me what you got.”

“No problem. You just watch the magic happen baby.” Dean scoffed, completely hubristic as he swaggered over to the stove, clearly having a little bit too much confidence from someone who has never made it through cooking anything without a smoke detector going off.

He began stirring the sauce pot, making sure he would do a good job so he could stick it in Sam’s face that he was able to actually cook something that was edible. Castiel stood close and watched just to make sure everything was going smoothly.

“You’re doing great so far, Dean.”

“I know. I’m a natural at this, aren’t I?”

“Oh, definitely. I don’t think I could have ever stirred that sauce so well.” Castiel giggled at how confident Dean was about his stirring ability.

“You just wait until it’s done and you taste it. It’s going to be awesome all thanks to me.”

Castiel just smiled, not wanting to spoil Dean’s mood since he was so proud of himself for not blowing up the sauce as soon as he touched it. As Dean continued working on the sauce, Castiel rested his head on Dean’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist affectionately. It was so nice to see Dean happy like this. How could anyone ever want to hurt Dean? The thought of someone ever abusing Dean just disgusted Castiel to no end.

Just as Dean finished up the sauce, Castiel heard the front door open. He looked back anxiously, knowing it was probably Gabriel, but it didn’t stop his paranoia of thinking it could have been any of his other siblings. Sure enough, it was only Gabriel though, holding two paper grocery bags that looked quite heavy.

“You guys wouldn’t believe what a fucking nightmare it was at the store. Like, is it Christmas Eve and I forgot or something? I actually almost had to wrestle an old lady to the floor to get the last loaf of French bread. It seriously almost got bloody.” Gabriel explained dramatically as he put the bags down, sticking his hand in one and pulling out bag after bag of candies. “But, I managed to get everything, because I’m such a pro. You’re welcome, Cassie.”

“Thanks, Gabe. You’re truly my hero. I don’t know what I would ever do without you.” Castiel sardonically jabbed, laughed a bit and shaking his head as he helped unload the bags.

“I’m going to pretend that was not as sarcastic as you made it seem.” Gabriel shrugged and then turned to Dean. “Winchester. Wow, you surprisingly clean up nice.” He said and patted it shoulder. “I thought you were bringing your little bro with you?”

“I did.” Dean nodded over to Sam, who was still sitting at the kitchen table quietly.

Gabriel pivoted and his eyes widened as he saw the boy casually sitting at the table. “Now how did you slip through my vision?” Gabriel puckishly asked, giving Sam a sly smile.

Sam stared at Gabriel, straightening his posture and looking skeptically at Gabriel. “I’m sorry?” He questioned, raising an eyebrow at him.

“You should be sorry. But, don’t fret, kiddo. I forgive you.” Gabriel interjected and sat across from him and crossing his arms across his chest, seeming to try and figure Sam out just by looking at him. “So, you gonna tell me your name or am I going to have to steal your wallet and find out for myself?”

“Excuse me?” Sam said in shock. What the hell? Sam gave a distasteful look at Gabriel, thinking the comment was rude and inappropriate for someone you just met.

“You’re excused.”

Sam furrowed his eyebrows, already beginning to feel annoyed. Everyone always said that Gabriel Novak was one of the coolest people you could meet at Truman High, but so far, he couldn’t really see why.

Gabriel snapped his fingers in Sam’s face. “Hello? Are you going to me your name or just sit there with that sour look on your face?”

“Don’t snap your fingers at me. I’m not a dog.” Sam said defensively. “I’m Sam, okay? Will you quit it now?”

Gabriel could already tell he was going to have a lot of fun with this one. “Sam, huh? You’re a feisty little one, aren’t you Sammy? So biting. I like it.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“What?”

“Don’t call me Sammy. My name is Sam.” The only person that was allowed to call him Sammy was Dean, and even then, Sam didn’t like it. There was no way that he was going to let Gabriel call him that as well.

Gabriel leaned back in his chair, making the front two legs of the chair come off the ground so he was balancing. “No need to get your panties in a bunch, kiddo.” He winked at Sam, which only made Sam angrier.

This guy was definitely not cool. Obnoxious and irksome, yeah, but not cool. “My name is Sam.” He repeated, glaring at Gabriel, not appreciating the nicknames he was giving him.

“I know, Sammy. Trust me, I won’t be forgetting that.”

Sam opened his mouth to give a snarky reply, but was interrupted when Castiel and Dean came to the table, putting down the plates of food and beverages.

“Dinner is served!” Castiel said and sat himself down beside Gabriel and across from Dean. “Are you two getting along?” He asked, not having noticed the conversation Gabriel and Sam were having, but just saw that they were talking a lot.

Gabriel nodded, a faux innocent look on his face. “Oh yeah. Sammy and I are going to be best friends, I can already tell.” He saw the disturbed look on Sam’s face but only winked at him again before digging into his food. “Fuck, this shit is good!” Gabriel said animatedly with a mouth full of food.

“That’s because I made it.” Dean spoke up, taking the credit for the whole meal even though he just did the sauce.

Sam shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Please, Dean. You stirred for two minutes, you didn’t make the entire dish.”

“Hey, I stirred for four minutes and I put in the parsley!”

“Dean, did a wonderful job on the sauce.” Castiel defended his boyfriend and patted his hand from across the table. He was perfectly happy with giving Dean the credit for the meal. “I’m very proud of him, and without him this meal wouldn’t be half as good.”

“God, you two are so sweet you’re gonna make me vomit all over the table.” Gabriel muffled out as he simultaneously ate a large chunk of bread.

Sam gave Gabriel a disgusted look. “That’s a lovely image to think of while we are eating. And will you please chew with your mouth closed? You’re going to get your spit all over my food.”

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t enjoy having my spit in your mouth.” Gabriel laughed, though he did swallow the bread before speaking. He liked getting Sam all riled up. It was entertaining to say the least.

“Sam’s right, Gabriel. Don’t be gross.” Castiel added before bringing his attention back to Dean. “You like the food then?”

“Of course I do, how could I not like my own creation?” Dean said and wiped his mouth when Castiel gave him a look. “I mean, _our_ creation.” He amended, holding Castiel’s hand and squeezing it lightly.

Gabriel looked between the two of them and chuckled. “Shit, Dean. I never would have imagined the supposed badass of the school spewing out sappy lines like that and giving someone googly eyes.”

“Maybe he is just really happy with Castiel and likes him a lot.” Sam replied before Dean could, seeming to want to jump in to argue with Gabriel whenever he had the chance. “You should be happy for him, not make fun of him because he has something you don’t.” Sam actually had no idea what Gabriel’s relationship status was, nor did he care. Of course he didn’t care.

Gabriel looked amused rather than bothered by Sam’s comment, seeming to only get happier whenever Sam made a snide comment to him. “Hey, I’m not tearing your brother down or anything. If he wants to be all gooey and doe eyed with Cassie, that’s cool. I’m actually happy for these two love birds. Rather have a sap with Cas then some jerk. I was just surprised is all. Now the real question is are you just saying that to jump to your brother’s defense or are you a sap in a relationship of your own as well?” Gabriel asked smoothly.

That seemed to get Sam to falter. “W-What? I… I’m not seeing anyone.”

“Shocker.”

“Gabriel!” Castiel scolded, unable to believe how rude his brother was being.

“I’m being genuine!” Gabriel said quickly. “Sam is a little genius, that’s what you said right, Cassie? And he’s charming and has that cute long hair going on. Geez, you think I was being insincere? What do you take me for, a jerk?”

“Basically.” Sam muttered under his breath and started piercing his pasta aggressively with his fork.

Gabriel seemed elated by getting a reaction out of Sam, but figured he would cool it for now. “So, you two seem pretty serious.” He told Dean and Cas. It was painfully clear that this wasn’t just some small fling and that these two clearly liked each other a lot.

“We are.” Castiel said and nodded, sighing contently. “Dean is… He’s wonderful. I’m planning to make sure he is in my life for a while. So, I could only hope that we all get along.”

“I’m sure we won’t have a problem with that. As long as Dean is good to you, I’m cool with him.” Gabriel decided. “But, I have to ask. If you two are a serious thing, does that mean you are going to let the rest of the family know about him?”

Castiel nearly choked on his food at the suggestion, looking at Gabriel as if he just said the craziest thing in the world. “Is that a joke?”

“I think it’s a pretty reasonable question.”

“Gabe, no. You know how Michael would react.”

“Take this from someone who has kept plenty of secrets from Michael, you are not going to be able to hide this forever.” Gabriel warned him. “If it was some small one-time thing, maybe. But, if you two are going to be in a serious relationship, that is going to eventually come out one way or another.”

“He doesn’t have to.” Castiel knew that Gabriel was right, but he was desperate for his brother not to find out, so he rather just be in denial about all of this.

Gabriel gave him a look. “Are you seriously doubting Michael’s snooping skills? Cas, come on, you out of anyone should know that there is no hiding things from him. Especially not something this huge. You think he’s going to believe you are dating a girl forever?”

“Dating a girl?” Dean repeated slowly, not knowing what that meant.

Castiel sighed and slouched a bit in defeat. “My other brother Lucifer overheard me talking on the phone with you the other day. He has suspicions we are dating but told Michael that I was talking to a girl… Named Deanna.”

Dean snorted, thinking it was a little amusing. “Why would he say that?”

“I have no idea why Lucifer does anything. But, I doubt he had good intentions.” Castiel now was beginning to feel a little worried again. He knew deep down that Michael would find out and it would be cause a huge blowout. “I am going to keep this private for as long as I can. And I can only hope you will help me with that.” He told Gabriel.

“Dude, of course I’m not going to say anything.” Gabriel assured him. “I’m just telling you that maybe you should tell him before he finds out some other way. At least then you won’t have to worry about secretly seeing Dean and worrying someone will see you at any corner you turn.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t have to worry about it because Michael would forbid me for ever leaving my room ever again and I would never be able to see Dean.” Castiel countered, really getting stressed out at the thought of Michael finding out. He didn’t even want to explore the idea of not being able to see Dean anymore. “Can we just… Not talk about that right now?” He asked quietly, having been so happy before and feeling like the mood was dying.

“Of course, yeah.” Gabriel shrugged as he finished up his pasta and went for another slice of bread. “How about instead we talk about how you two are never going to be allowed to have sex in your room because my room is right across and I don’t want to have nightmares for the rest of my life.” He joked, smirking at his little brother.

“Oh my god, shut up!” Castiel blushed and threw some bread at him, though he couldn’t help but chuckle a little. Gabriel might be a man whore and an annoying prick to some people, but he was always a good brother to Castiel and knew how to cheer him up in a matter of seconds.

After that, the dinner went a lot smoother. They talked and laughed and joked, all of them having a pretty good time. Sam and Gabriel even managed to not argue as much either. When they finished their meal, Castiel started stacking everyone’s plates to go clean the dishes, but Gabriel took them from him.

“I got it, Cassie. You already slaved away in the kitchen, the least I could do is clean this up for you.” Gabriel offered. “Plus, I’m sure you would like some time with Fabio over there.” He added and gestured to Dean who was staring at Castiel, stars basically glistening in his eyes. “Go on, before he has a fit from being without your physical contact for more than a three minutes.”

Castiel blushed lightly and looked back, smiling at Dean. “Thanks for being so cool, Gabriel.” He said and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Ah, c’mon, don’t get all gushy with me.” Gabriel said and smirked. He looked back at Sam, who was just standing around. “Hey, Sammy. How about you help me dry some of these dishes?” Gabriel asked in a way that was telling him that Cas and Dean clearly wanted some alone time and it would be awkward if Sam was just standing in the background and they were intimately talking or more likely making out.

Sam made a face, not wanting to spend more alone time with Gabriel, but he looked at Dean and saw he had a look on his face that he would like some privacy with his boyfriend. Sam sighed loudly, knowing he didn’t exactly have a choice. “Fine.” He grumbled, begrudgingly going over to the sink with Gabriel.

Castiel gave Gabriel an appreciative smile and turned around, taking Dean’s hand. “I can give you a little tour of the house, if you want.” Castiel offered, happy to have some alone time with Dean.

“That sounds good to me.” Dean agreed, not really caring where they went as long as he got some extra time in with his boyfriend.

Castiel held Dean’s hand and brought him upstairs. He opened his bedroom door and brought him inside. “This is my room.”

“First time in your house and you already take me to your bedroom? That’s a little naughty, Cas.” Dean teased and gave him a kiss, making Castiel’s cheeks burn up and he hit him lightly on the arm.

“Shut up.” He murmured and looked around. Castiel’s room was actually pretty boring. There wasn’t much in there that was personalized like how Dean’s was. It was just a simple room that was painted blue with striped bed sheets that were all neat and in order, a bookcase, a dresser, and a desk. The only exciting thing in there was the giant dog Dean won him that was in the corner. “It’s not much to see.” He said and then spotted a plushy of a bee that was on his bed. He had the toy since he was a baby, and slept with it every night, though he would never admit to it. But, it was the last thing he wanted to see. Castiel quickly went to the bed as Dean looked around and held the toy behind his back.

“Nah, it’s cool. You can actually see the floor. Impressive.” Dean laughed and sat down on Castiel’s bed. He saw the toy Castiel was trying to hide and snatched it out of his hands. “Cute.” Dean said with a chuckle. “You like bees?”

Castiel was sure that his face was permanently going to be stained red. God, this was so embarrassing. “Uh, yeah… I had it since I was little. I’ve been meaning to put that away.”

“You shouldn’t.” Dean told him, setting it back on the bed in place. “I think it’s nice that you have something from when you were a kid. Personally, I have baby blankets that I still sleep with every night.” He said honestly, thinking it would make Castiel feel better. He really didn’t have anything to be ashamed of.

“Oh… Really?” Castiel sat down and gave Dean a grateful smile. “That’s sweet. You know, Gabriel’s right. You’re pretty sappy for a tough guy.” He giggled.

“Oh, be quiet already.” Dean rolled his eyes and put his hand on Castiel’s cheek, pulling him in for a deep passionate kiss.

Castiel moaned softly into the kiss, overwhelmed by how nice this felt. When their lips parted, Castiel took a breath and looked at Dean who was about to go in again, but he moved his head away a bit. As much as Castiel would love to just continue making out, he knew that he couldn’t he had to talk to Dean and not let himself get distracted by a kissing session, as amazing as it would be.

“What’s wrong?”

“Dean… You know what’s wrong.”

“Cas, come on.”

“Dean.” Castiel said seriously. “You didn’t have to lie to me, you know? About the bruises” He was talking so quietly he was almost whispering.

“Cas… You wouldn’t understand.”

“So, you lied?”

“It’s not that simple.” Dean sighed deeply, not wanting to talk about this. “I didn’t want to lie. I just didn’t want you worrying when you didn’t have to. It’s not a big deal.”

That comment alone was enough to break Castiel’s heart. “How could you say that? Not a big deal? Dean, of course it is. You were hurt. Sam was hurt. That’s a huge deal and it’s despicable. And don’t you tell me that you were mugged or that Sam fell. You can be real with me, Dean. I’ve told you things about me that I haven’t told anyone.” Castiel reminded him, looking down at his covered arms and bit his lip. “You can trust me.”

Dean was quiet for a moment, not seeing a point in even trying to hide this. He ran his hands over his face nervously. “Do I have to say it out loud?” Dean muttered. “You already know the truth. I can see it on your face…”

Castiel took Dean’s hand and squeezed it, letting him know that he was there for him. “It’s your dad, isn’t it?” He whispered, a sad look on his face. “Your dad hurt you and Sam… Didn’t he?”

Dean just nodded wordlessly, looking down at Castiel’s carpet. “He’s an angry drunk. And even angrier when he doesn’t have booze.” Dean said dryly. “Usually he isn’t home. Sometimes he’s gone for two to three works at a time. But, when he is home, it’s just a fucking nightmare.” He leaned back against the wall beside Castiel’s bed. “I usually make sure that Sam is locked in his room when dad comes home angry. I take the most of the heat, but this time… I was coming home and dad got their before me. He needed someone to take his anger on and...” Dean stopped and swallowed thickly. “It was my fault Sam got hurt.”

“Dean, no. Don’t you dare say that. You are such a good brother to Sam. It’s not your fault that your dad is a monster.” Castiel said quickly, almost unable to believe that Dean could possibly blame himself for this. “You shouldn’t have to take that shit. You don’t deserve it.”

“There isn’t anything that I can do about it.” Dean shrugged.

“You know… You could always do one thing.” Castiel said quietly.

Dean looked at Castiel and shook his head. “What? Call the cops? Even If he is the biggest asshole in the world, I can’t do that. It’s my dad, Cas.”

“Yeah, it’s your dad who is abusing you and Sam!”

“Cas, just stop.” Dean stopped him. “I’ll figure this out, okay? It’s my battle to figure out. If he touches Sam again then I’ll do something. Please don’t try and meddle in this, Cas. I’m trusting you.” Dean told him seriously.

Castiel really was tempted to do something. But, he didn’t want to make Dean angry at him. “I can’t sit back and just let this happen.”

“I told you that I would handle it, Cas. Just, please don’t worry.” Dean told him and patted his leg softly.

Castiel gulped and nodded, feeling so helpless right now. “Okay. But, if you ever need a place to stay, you or Sam… You can come here.”

“What?” Dean looked at Castiel in shock. “But… What about you wanting to keep it secret from your brothers?”

“I could always just tell them that you’re a friend. They couldn’t deny you guys. I won’t let you stay in a house where you and your brother are being hurt.”

Dean took a deep breath and kissed Castiel softly. “You are way too good for me, baby.”

“I could never be good enough.”

“That is completely false.” Dean disagreed and kissed him again. “Thank you for the offer, but I’m sure that it won’t come to that. But, again, thank you for the support. But, you do not need to worry. I’ll handle it. I always do.” He whispered against his lips before pecking them again.

Castiel knew that he wouldn’t be able to just let this go. He knew it was technically none of his business, but he wasn’t going to let Dean and Sam get hurt and do nothing if he could do something. But, for now he would let Dean deal with it the way he wanted first. “I don’t want you to be hurt.”

“It’ll be oaky. I promise it will be alright.”

Castiel looked to Dean, nodding softly and holding him close. It felt so nice to just sit here in his room and hold him and kiss him and just be with Dean. That’s what he liked so much about what they had together. His relationship with Dean was so effortless. He didn’t ever have to overthink things. Maybe that’s what he liked about Dean. That he was so raw and pure. There was nothing superficial about him and in return, he didn’t need anything superficial from Castiel. For once, Castiel felt like being himself was just enough for someone.

“I wish you could just stay here for the night. But, I think my brother will be back soon.” Castiel said as he absently rubbed Dean’s upper thigh and leaned his head against him.

“I’ll sneak over one day.” Dean promised and wrapped his arm around his shoulder.

“That is pretty risky.”

“Risky is what I do, babe. It’s what I am. Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Castiel had to admit, he loved that about Dean as well. He loved the edginess and the fact that he had the rough exterior but warm hearted interior. It was something Castiel always been attracted to, but didn’t think he would ever be able to end up with someone like that. Let alone someone as incredible as Dean Winchester.

“One day.” Castiel agreed and stood up, pulling Dean up with him as well. Castiel wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him in for a passionate kiss, not wanting to pull away. They kissed until Castiel was breathless and he had to bring him downstairs. When they got back to the kitchen, they found Gabriel chatting away in what seemed like a one sided conversation with Sam who looked annoyed as he was putting away the remainder of the dishes.

“Sam, it’s time to go.” Dean told his little brother who couldn’t be happier to get away from Gabriel.

“Thanks for having us, Cas.” Sam said politely as Gabriel crossed his arms.

“What? No goodbye for little ole me?”

Sam rolled his eyes at Gabriel. “Bye. Happy now?”

“Very.” Gabriel smiled broadly despite how Sam clearly did not like him at all. “I’ll see you around, Sammy. Dean, I’ll see you in math class.”

“If I show up.”

“He will.” Castiel said quickly and laughed. “Bye, guys.” Castiel hugged Sam and gave Dean a goodbye kiss. “Drive safe.”

Dean and Sam waved before walking out of the house to go back to the car. Castiel waited by the front window, staying there before he saw them drive off. He turned back to Gabriel who looked pleased with himself. “You weren’t too bad with Sam were you? Because he is a really good kid and if you were teasing him or something-“

“Please, Cassie. I would never.” Gabriel sat on the arm of the living room couch and fell back on the cushion. “I like Sam! He was entertaining. You know I always liked the ones who give me a good challenge.”

“Just don’t harass the poor kid.”

“I won’t, I won’t… But, a harmless prank here and there wouldn’t hurt.”

“Gabriel.” Castiel warned, making Gabriel laugh. “So, what did you think of Dean? He’s great, right?”

Gabriel looked thoughtful and then nodded. “Yeah, he’s okay. I mean, he clearly really likes you and I don’t see him being a total dick to you. So, congratulations! Big brother number one approves, and let’s be honest, my opinion is the only one that really matters.

“Well, it’s the only one I want at the moment.” Castiel nodded and sat on the couch next to his brother. “It would be cool if we could just all be good friends, you know, me, you, Dean, and Sam.”

“Yeah, it’d be cool. But, we would probably all kill each other eventually. Though I would probably just die from disgust when I see you and Dean swapping spit every five minutes.” Gabriel quipped, and Castiel flicked the top of his head and laugh.

Finally, it felt like Cas and Gabriel were like real brothers. He could have one family member who he could count on, and that was all Castiel really needed.

 

\-----------------------

 

Going back to their apartment after having dinner at the Novak residence was a somber event. Dean always wished that he and Sam could live in a nice neighborhood, and not because he was ashamed of where he lived or anything like that. He just wanted to live somewhere safe. Somewhere that didn’t have heroin addicts who would break into your apartment and loot for drug money. Or where right outside homeless people would wait outside to badger you for money and follow you around if you deny or ignore them. Of course it didn’t matter where they lived at the end of the day though. As long as their father was there with them, their life would be a living hell. As much as Dean tried to keep Sam out of the fights and violence, he was still there, in the line of fire. At the very least, he heard everything from his room. That’s how it always was too. Ever since their mom died and their father completely lost it. It was no place for children to be raised. Castiel was right, it was despicable, but there wasn’t much Dean could do right now but try his best to protect Sam, no matter what that meant. Though usually it meant taking all the abuse. But, if it meant Sam wasn’t the one being hurt, Dean could live with that.

“Do you think he’s here?” Sam asked quietly as Dean parked the car. The look on Sam’s face was painful. He was obviously scared.

“I doubt it. You know how he drops by, goes on one of his rampages and then take some money and leaves. We probably won’t see him for another week.” Dean assured Sam, only hoping that what he said was true.

Sam took a shaky breath and got out of the car, walking into the apartment complex hesitantly, making sure to stay close behind Dean. He looked around warily, as if he was expecting to see his father around any corner.

When they finally got to their door and Dean unlocked it, they were both hoping that it was empty like they had left it.

They were not so lucky.

There was shit all over the floor. At first Dean thought that maybe someone broke in and raided their stuff to steal. But, when Dean took a few steps in, he could smell the heavy stench of hard liquor and he knew that this was the work of their father’s drunken rage. It didn’t take long before Dean heard unsteady footsteps and then their father appeared, an empty beer liquor bottle in his hand.

“Where the hell have you been?” John Winchester slurred out, glaring at the two boys with an expression that could make anyone get chills.

“We were out. What does it matter to you?” Dean retorted, not trying to be respectful at all. Their father didn’t deserve any respect. That was something someone had to earn.

“I’ve been here for over an hour, boy! Waiting for you to give me the rest of my money. You think you were gonna get away with what you left yesterday? That’s less than half than I need. You think you were gonna pull the wool over my have? You take me for a fool?”

“You have no right getting any money from me!” Dean nearly blew up, feeling extremely pissed. How dare he come here demanding more money? “That is my hard earned cash. My cash that I use to actually pay bills and feed Sam and I. For me to do the job that you are supposed to do but can’t because you’re a lousy fucking excuse of a father.”

“What did you just say to me?!”

“You fucking heard me. You steal my money for what? To go to strip clubs and bars to drink yourself to oblivion while Sam and I suffer.” Dean accused as Sam hid behind him quietly, terrified.

“You better watch your mouth if you know what’s good for you.” John warned him, taking a few clumsy steps forward. “You think what I did last time was bad? You just wait, you little bastard.”

“Sam, go to your room. Now.” Dean ordered Sam quietly.

“Dean, no…” Sam whimpered, unshed tears stinging in his eyes. He didn’t want to just hide like a scared little kid. He couldn’t let Dean take the abuse for him again. He couldn’t.

“I am not asking you. I said go to your room.” Dean told Sam sternly. “I’ll be right there. Just go.”

Sam was crying now, not knowing what to do. He didn’t have much time to think as their father suddenly smashed the alcohol bottle against the wall, causing it to shatter, and now creating a sharp and dangerous weapon with the neck of the bottle.

“Ain’t nobody goin’ anywhere, you hear me?” John laughed darkly. “Think you’re gonna actually get away with this? I am not a damn fool! Now give me my money or you and your brother are really going to regret it.” John looked at Sam and sneered. “What are you crying about? You little pansy piece of shit. What do you have to cry about?! You’re the one who caused all of this! You’re the reason everything turned to shit! We could have all been happy… Mary could have been alive if it wasn’t for you! Now you’re gonna cry? I’ll give you a real reason to cry, you fucking little-“

“Don’t you dare fucking touch him!” Dean growled, taking a threatening step forward. “Not over my dead body.”

“You keep it up, and that won’t even be a problem. Just try me, boy.”

“God, just look at yourself… If mom could see you now… She would be so disgusted. So ashamed.”

The words struck a nerve in John and all his rage couldn’t be bottled anymore. He ran at Dean with the broken bottle in his hand, thrusting his arm in Dean’s direction, trying to cut him. Dean pushed Sam out of the way and ducked as he saw the bottle coming from him. He dodged the glass, attempting to get it out of his father’s hands, though not once making a move on the offensive. “Let it go!” Dean shouted, though John made no move to stop. He punched Dean with his free arm, hitting him right on the jaw, causing him to fall over. Dean groaned in pain, but it only got worse when he started getting kicked over and over again in the stomach. He coughed and begged for him to stop, but it didn’t end until Dean was nearly seeing white, thinking he was about to pass out. He looked up at his father, expecting the worst.

John gave Dean a look of pure hatred. “It should have been you.” He said finally. “It should have been you instead of her. She never even wanted you, you know? Was going to abort you like the abomination you are.” John reached down and snatched Dean’s wallet out of his pocket and put it in his own. “Don’t you dare try hiding money on me again.” He warned him before walking out the door and leaving Dean on the floor.

He laid there, in so much pain, inside and out. He tried to ignore what John just said to him, but he found it difficult to just dismiss. But, Dean couldn’t just let him get away with this. He couldn’t let him do all of this damage and then let him walk away. He wouldn’t. So, Dean quickly tried getting to his feet, almost limping just to get outside. When he exited the apartment complex, he felt his blood begin to boil all over again. His father was in the parking lot, standing next to the Impala as he keyed it.

“Hey! Get the fuck away from my car!” Dean screamed, running to the Impala despite all the pain he felt.

“That’s what you get!” John yelled back. “You pull this shit on me again and it won’t just be the fucking car that gets it.” John too the broken liquor bottle and threw it towards the driver’s seat window, causing it to shatter. John then went to his own truck and drove off before Dean could do anything about it.

Dean just stood there in shock. “You son of a bitch!” He ran a hand through his hair and punched the side of the building that his car was next to in pure anger. Dean was livid. He wanted to get his hands around John’s neck right now he was so incredibly pissed. But, Dean knew he couldn’t do that. The damage was already done. He knew he couldn’t follow John, it wouldn’t do any good. There was only one thing he could do. Find Sam.

Dean went back inside, rushing up to his door and looking around. “Sammy?! Sam!” Dean called out. He found his brother on the floor in a corner, bawling his eyes out. “Oh god, Sammy… Are you hurt?” Dean frantically started checking over Sam, though he seemed to not be in any physical pain. Sam was hurt alright, but it was all on the inside from wounds that he already had, but had become even deeper a few moments ago. “God, Sam, I’m so sorry. So, so, sorry. He’s not coming back. He’s not going to hurt you.” Dean whispered, hugging Sam and kissing the top of his head, trying to calm his little brother down. “It’s okay… I’m here. Nothing he said was true, Sam, none of it. It was all lies. You have to believe me, you know I wouldn’t ever lie to you.” Dean knew very well Sam felt guilty over what happened to their mother. But, Dean wasn’t going to let Sam blame himself. He just wouldn’t.

“D-Dean…” Was all Sam managed to get out, hiccupping from crying so hard, feeling so scared and hurt and weak.

“I know.” Dean muttered, rubbing Sam’s back. They had been in this situation so many times, it was almost routine. But, it never got easier. Dean didn’t think it ever would. But, he would always be there for Sam. Every single time. “I know.”

 


	9. Chasing Solace

_“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”_

_― Charles Dickens_

 

The night seemed everlasting to Dean, who laid flat on his bed with his eyes glued open, staring blankly at the ceiling above him. It took a few hours to calm Sam down from his panic attack, having him eventually fall asleep in Dean’s arms before he had to carry his younger brother to his bed. Dean knew he wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight, even if he wanted to. His stomach was in knots, head throbbing, heart nearly pounding out of his chest with nerves that his father may come back at any moment with intent to cause even more harm than he already did. Usually, there would be one big blow out and then the tension would eventually fizzle away, but this time seemed so much worse than before and Dean just had this bad feeling like it wasn’t over with. Like any minute he would hear the front door slam back open, leaving Dean and Sam back on the line of fire.

No, Dean was not going to get any sleep tonight.

He tossed and turned occasionally, an anxious feeling filling his being up uncomfortably. He simply just waited until the sun eventually rose up, just barely lighting the bedroom through the sides of the window shade. Dean got up from his bed and changed into the first pair of jeans and t-shirt he found on the floor before headif to the kitchen to wait for Sam so he could take him to school. Despite the trauma that the two boys had to endure the day before, Dean knew that Sam would still want to go to school. He didn’t skip class for anything, and they have had worse situations than yesterday, so Dean knew it would be pointless to even ask him to take a day off. Dean, on the other hand, needed a day out of school to just clear his head and calm himself down from the hectic events currently happening in his life. It wasn’t like he could be any further behind in his classes anyways. His education and attendance were the very last things he cared about at the moment.

Sam soon trudged out of his room, eyes baggy and bloodshot as he came out to the kitchen, a clear indicator that he too did not sleep much if at all. “Hey.” Sam’s voice cracked slightly as he threw his book bag carelessly over his shoulder and wiped his eyes.

“Hey, Sammy.” Dean’s heart felt like it was being put through a shredder as he looked at his little brother. Sam was clearly in a lot of emotional pain that Dean didn’t know how to heal. “Uhm, you know, you don’t have to go to school today, kiddo. I can tell you didn’t sleep much; you won’t be able to really focus anyways. I’m going to be skipping and I can call in for you if you want me to.” Dean offered, though he was sure he already knew what Sam’s response was going to be. But, it was at least worth a try. Sam deserved a day off at the very least.

“No, thanks. I’m pretty sure I have a quiz today that I need to take and a paper I need to work on. I don’t want to get behind on my school work on top of everything else.” Sam decided without needing any time to even consider the offer he was given. He looked to his brother, who was basically dripping with worry over him, and sighed, going over to Dean and hugging him tight. “Thank you, but I will be okay. If I really don’t feel good, I will go to the nurse and you can pick me up.”

Dean knew very well that Sam wouldn’t be going to the nurse, but he was appreciative that Sam at least tried to work to his benefit. “Okay, if you’re really sure.” Dean nodded, not wanting to push Sam to stay if he really didn’t want to. After all of the years of living with Sam and going through this typical dysfunction family drama, Dean figured out that Sam’s way of coping with his stress was by doing homework and focusing on school to distract himself from his problems. It was just the way he dealt with things and Dean was in no position to stop Sam from dealing with things in his own way. “Do you at least want to eat some breakfast?”

“I’m not really hungry.” Sam shook his head.

“Sam, it won’t be good for you to go to school with no sleep and an empty stomach. Just eat something, we still have time, you won’t be late.”

“I can’t even look at food right now, Dean. My stomach hurts.”

Dean ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath before going to the kitchen cabinets and grabbing a couple granola bars and a water bottle, putting it in Sam’s backpack for him. “Just in case you change your mind and get hungry before lunch.” Dean said and gave Sam a small smile.

Sam gave Dean a thankful look, happy that Dean cared about his well-being so much. Honestly, it was almost unable to believe how Dean could stay so strong for the two of them in a time like this. He really was the best brother in the whole world. He always looked out for him, even when Sam could tell that he was seriously hurting on the inside. Dean never wore his pain. Sometimes Sam just wished he could be half the brother Dean was sometimes. “Thanks.” He said and hugged Dean again, forcing back tears that were fighting to come out.

Dean hugged him back, one hand absently rubbing Sam’s back soothingly. “It’s no problem.” He assured him before pulling back. “We should probably get going.”

Sam nodded, following Dean outside to the car, secretly feeling a lot safer to be out of the house. He was quiet for the most part during the drive to school, just looking out the window as Dean played one of five tapes that he had in the car. By the time that they arrived at Truman high, Sam did feel much more relaxed and thought that the day could possibly not be as bad as he was initially thought it would be.

“Have a good day, kiddo.” Dean told Sam, leaning back a little bit in his seat to face his brother. “Remember to call me if you change your mind, okay? I can be back here in a few minutes.”

“I’ll be okay, Dean. But, thanks again.” Sam smiled at his older brother before getting out of the car. He caught a glimpse of Castiel, who was waiting at the front steps of the school, most likely for Dean. “Your boyfriend is waiting for you.” He informed Dean, leaning down to be eye level with Dean, pointing back at Cas. “I’ll go tell him you’re here.”

Dean looked over and sure enough, he saw Castiel at a distance. He quickly pulled out his phone, only now seeing the numerous texts and missed calls he had from his boyfriend. Fuck, he totally forgot to talk to him after everything that had happened. Castiel probably thought he was ignoring him or something. Dean only hoped that wasn’t the case when he saw Sam talk to Castiel, too far away to make out any dialogue. But, soon Dean saw Castiel look directly at him after Sam pointed him out, and Castiel began walking over to the car as Sam walked in the opposite direction, towards the entrance of the school. Dean unlocked the car door and Castiel got in, a worried expression arising on his face in an instant.

“Dean, what’s going on? Sam said you’re skipping today because you don’t feel well.” Castiel checked over Dean, putting a hand to his forehead to estimate his temperature. “

“Yeah, well, about that—“Dean tried to get in, but was only interrupted by Castiel, who looked even more panicked.

“Oh god, did you get food poisoning from last night? You did, didn’t you?”

“What? Cas, no—“

“I knew that I should have double checked to see all the expiration dates. I am so sorry, Dean! This is all my fault—“

“Cas, stop!” Dean raised his voice, spooking Cas a bit. He sighed and ran his hands over his face, knowing this would not be easy to explain. “I didn’t get food poisoning. This has nothing to do with you, so please don’t say it’s your fault.” Dean hated how Castiel was always so quick to blame himself in any situation. “It was my dad, okay?” He wasn’t even sure Castiel could hear him with how quietly he was speaking. “He was home after we came back from your house last night. It didn’t end well, to say the least.”

Castiel’s eyes were wide, his panicked face changing into sad slowly. “Dean…” He muttered and put his hand on top of his boyfriend’s, knowing he had to do something to support him right now. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” It was the last thing Dean wanted to talk about, honestly.

Castiel gnawed on his bottom lip, trying to figure out what to do and say. “He hurt you.” It was a statement, not a question. Castiel could tell easily by the look in Dean’s eyes.

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Shut up, Dean.” Castiel said firmly, his sudden harshness making Dean look up at him in surprise.

“What?”

“I said shut up.” Castiel repeated. “Don’t say it’s not a big deal. Your father is abusing you and Sam. Physically, emotionally, and psychologically. God knows how long this has been going on for. Obviously long enough for you to think that it’s ‘ _not_ _a_ _big_ _deal_ ’.” Castiel was in outrage at the mere thought of it. “How can you even say that? You don’t deserve that. Sam doesn’t deserve it. Your father is terrorizing both of you and you’re both hurting from it. I can see it. I can see the pain you’re in. So, don’t sit here and tell me it’s no big deal. Maybe you can lie to yourself, but you cannot lie to me, Dean Winchester.”

Dean froze as Castiel went off at him, just staring at him in shock. “I’m sorry.” Dean whimpered out, looking at Castiel with a face that was so injured and fragile, like he could fall apart at any second.

Castiel squeezed his hand, sliding closer to him. “You don’t have to apologize.” He whispered. “You don’t ever have to apologize. Not to me, okay?” It was so hard to watch Dean go through this right now. Castiel felt so helpless ever since he found out about what Dean had to deal with at home, but he was going to do something about it now. He had to help Dean any way that he could. “You want to go out somewhere? Anywhere you want. We can just relax and forget about all of this.”

“What about your classes? Cas, you can’t just skip on account of me.” Dean knew that Castiel wasn’t like him when it came to school. Castiel was a good student, just like Sam was. He shouldn’t be skipping because of him.

“I want to be with you. No one is forcing me. It’s what I want.” Castiel shrugged and smiled at Dean, leaning close to kiss him tenderly on the lips. “Where do you wanna go? Anywhere you want, I’m game.”

A quiet, thoughtful moment passed before Dean decided on the perfect place to take them. “There is this place I use to go to when I was a kid… It’s not too far from here. It’s quiet and secluded.”

“Sounds perfect. Let’s go.” Castiel didn’t care where it was they were going. If it was a place that would help ease Dean, then he was more than happy to go with him. Today was going to be all about pleasing and helping Dean. It was the very least that he deserved after all.

 

\-----------------------

 

School was usually a safe haven for Sam. A place where he could avoid his issues and his problems and just focus on learning new and interesting new things in each of his classes. He never really found school to be a bore or a nuisance, unlike many of his fellow classmates. He liked to learn and discover and become wiser. On days where he had a lot bothering him, like toady, school was his favorite place to be because he didn’t have time to worry about his at home life. But, for some reason, today was different. His classes were going by slower than normal and he couldn’t focus as much on his in class material, but on everything that happened yesterday and his fear of what would happen the next time his father came back home. The more he tried to distract himself, the more he just kept thinking about it and he hated it.

During Sam’s lunch period, he decided that he would just go to the library and read for a while to keep his mind off things. Reading was very therapeutic for Sam, usually being able to get completely lost in his books, slipping off into whatever new and exciting world that was in his book. For a while, it was working. Sam was captured in his latest book, reading intently before the book was suddenly swiped right from his hands. Sam nearly jumped out of his skin at first, not expecting that at all. But, then he looked up at the book stealing culprit, already feeling annoyed when he saw who it was.

“Heya, Sammich.” Gabriel smirked at the younger Winchester before glancing back down at the book in his hands. “Now, what exactly are you doing reading some dumb boring old book in the library when you can be eating outside on this beautiful sunny day during your lunch period?”

Sam narrowed his eyes at Gabriel, not appreciating being taunted right now. “First and foremost, it is cloudy and depressing outside so I would not want to be eating out there anyways. And also, why does it matter what I do during my free time? It’s absolutely none of your business whatsoever, so can you please give me my book back and leave me be?”

Gabriel pretended to think about it for a second before hopping up onto the table that Sam was sitting at. “Nope, no can do, kiddo.” He decided, throwing Sam’s book over his shoulder haphazardly. “Trust me, Sammy, I’m trying to help you. No one would want to be friends with the weird kid who spends lunch in the library jerking off to twentieth century literature.”

Okay, now Sam was pissed. “Just because you’re some smart ass that everyone thinks is funny but is actually mean, doesn’t mean that you get to tell me what I can and can’t do.” Sam hissed out at him. “Maybe I don’t have a lot of friends, but I don’t need you to come over here and tell me that. You’re not funny and you’re impressing no one.” Sam got up and grabbed his book that now had a few loose pages from being thrown.

Gabriel just sat there, speechless. He didn’t mean for Sam to get so pissed off. “Hey, I was just playing around with you. There is no reason to freak out or anything, I was just having fun.”

“Having fun by taking my things from me and breaking them and then saying I have no friends? You’re not playing around, you’re being a bully.”

“What?!” Gabriel exclaimed, standing up and looking at Sam in shock. “I’m not being a bully, Sammy.”

“Don’t call me Sammy!”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry, Sam.” Gabriel said sincerely, not meaning to get Sam so angry with him. He really was just fooling around. He had no idea why Sam was taking this so personally. “Are you alright?” Sam seemed a little annoyed with Gabriel yesterday, but he wasn’t acting like this. Maybe something happened to Sam that Gabriel didn’t know about. “Do you want to talk or something?”

Sam scoffed, laughing at the suggestion. “Talk? To who? You? Is that a joke?”

Gabriel scrunched his eyebrows together, not knowing what was so funny about that. “No, it’s not a joke. I was just wondering if you were alright because you seem upset… Look, I honestly didn’t mean any harm just now. I just came to say hi, you didn’t need to make a scene over it.”

Sam rolled his eyes, so done with this conversation. “If that’s the new way to say hi to people, I hope no one ever says hi to me again.” Sam said and put his book to his chest after gathering the rest of his things.

Gabriel sighed, giving up with Sam right now. “Okay, fine. I said I was sorry, you don’t have to be a dick about it now, alright? I was offering to be someone to talk to but if you don’t want to talk to me, that’s cool too. Be mad, whatever, that’s totally your choice.”

“I don’t care about your opinion of me, so just leave me the hell alone.” Sam said defensively, standing his ground.

Gabriel ran a hand through his hair, looking a bit defeated. “Fine. I’ll see you around then, I guess. I hope whatever is going on with you gets better. And if you ever do want to stop shutting yourself out from everyone, I've been told that I’m a great listener and advice giver. Just saying.” Gabriel put out there before leaving Sam alone, figuring if he stayed for a little while longer, he would probably get a punch to the nose or something.

Sam watched as Gabriel left and he groaned as he plopped back on his chair. Why was Gabriel so freaking annoying? Why would he even come up to him right now just to talk shit to him? Even if maybe he wasn’t exactly talking shit… And maybe he was just trying to be funny in his own not-funny-at-all Gabriel way. It still made no sense why he would approach Sam. Or why he would offer to listen to his problems and talk to him. Sam didn’t even really know Gabriel! And it wasn’t like Gabriel liked Sam at all. He didn’t like him, that’s why he was so annoying towards him, right? That had to be it. Or at least that’s what Sam needed to believe right now because it was the only thing that could make sense in his head right now and not make things more complicated and confusing. Ugh, Sam just needed to get back to reading. He picked up his book and began to reread the same few lines over and over again, now finding it hard to concentrate on the words in front of him, now for more reason than one.

Dammit, Gabriel.

 

\-----------------------

 

Castiel kept his hand in Dean’s as he drove them to wherever it was that they were going. He looked around and saw that they were heading near the woods when they finally parked. “Dean, where are we?” He asked, not recognizing the area.

“We’re almost there. We just have to walk a little bit from here.” Dean explained as he turned the car off and got out to meet Castiel outside, connecting his hand back with Castiel’s before heading further into the woods. “I use to live near here when I was little. I would come here a lot.”

“Really?” Castiel didn’t realize that Dean had moved. The neighborhoods that they passed by on the way over here seemed pretty nice compared to where Dean lived now. It made him wonder why they would move to such a worse part of town. “What happened?” He asked, unable to keep his curiosity in.

Dean seemed to tense a little bit, not saying anything at first. “There was a fire.” He finally said, staring blankly ahead of him. “We don’t know how it started. Bad wiring or something I guess.”

“God, Dean, I am so sorry. That’s horrible.”

“Yeah… I try not to think about it if I can help it.” Every time that Dean looked back into those memories he just felt like he was going to have some kind of break down or something. No one ever discussed it at home and things were better that way.

Castiel sighed, feeling terribly guilty for pushing the topic. “We don’t have to talk about it anymore if you don’t want to. I didn’t mean to pry.”

“It’s fine.” Dean shrugged casually, giving Castiel a smile, hoping that it would make things seem like they were fine for Castiel’s benefit. “We’re here.” He stopped walking, looking around at the area around them. Dean brought them to a secluded lake that was surrounded by the old trees of the woods that Dean recognized from the last time he had been here a few years ago. There was a tire swing and a small tree house, both built by Dean when he was younger. “I found this place when I was four when I was hiking with my mom.” He explained, sitting down on a large rock near the shallow water. “It was just me and her. We had so much fun that day, I can still remember it. She said it was our place...” Dean explained, grabbing a few pebbles off the ground and skipping them. “I never got to come back here with her. But, I would ride my bike here whenever I was sad or in a fight with my dad or when I just wanted to be alone. I would stay here for hours and just skip rocks or think about stuff. I always loved it here because it was like, I don’t know, my place to get away. And it was the last secret I had with mom and… It’s still our secret, you know?” Dean smiled to himself, eyes watering though not one tear fell. “I’ve never brought anyone here before. Not even Sammy.”

Castiel listened to Dean, his heart aching both for Dean, knowing very well how hard it was to deal with the loss of a parent. He felt a little honored that Dean brought him here, but at the same time confused. “Why did you bring me here then?” He didn’t want to ruin this special place that was just for Dean and his mother.

“I don’t know.” Dean’s voice was soft, looking back up at Castiel. “I trust you. And I feel safe and happy with you and… I just feel like my mom would have wanted me to finally start to move on and be happy.” Dean reached his hand out to Castiel who took it and sat close to Dean, nuzzling against his shoulder. “She would have loved you.” He spoke up after a moment. “I know she would have. She always said I needed a good sweet kid to balance out what a troublemaker I was.”

Castiel chuckled breathlessly, leaning up to peck the corner of Dean’s lips. “I’m sure she was a great woman, Dean. She’s still looking after you, don’t worry. And she would have been very proud of you as well. You’re such a caring and sweet boyfriend and an even more amazing brother.” Castiel sucked in a small intake of breath. “I could only wish to have one of my brother take care of me and look out for me the way you do with Sam. It’s inspiring.” He said quietly, wrapping his arm around Dean’s waist, not only to support Dean, but looking for some support for himself. “We weren’t always so distant, you know? There was a time when we were actually a fully functioning, happy family. But, when my parents got into that accident… I guess it just drove a hole through all of us. Deaths seem to have a good way in distancing family from each other.”

“Trust me, I understand.” Dean knew all too well how a family could be turned upside down due to a tragic death. “I remember when my dad actually loved me and Sam and didn’t think of us as the scum of the earth. The good ole days.”

Castiel took a shaky breath, frowning deeply. “I feel bad for blaming Michael and Lucifer, you know? They had to become the parents. Stop everything they were doing and get jobs to support us. They were so busy and under so much pressure… It makes me feel bad that I would blame them for how hurt and alone I felt. But… I took it so hard. I know that my brothers and sister had it bad too, but they never showed it. They all were able to keep living, even if they still hurt. I couldn’t. I barely talked for two years after they passed and none of them even batted an eye at it. They just ignored me because I went quiet and it would be one less person to deal with.” Castiel choked out, silent tears falling from his eyes.

Dean noticed him crying and he held him close against him, strong arms supporting Castiel’s small frame. “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that, Cas. It’s not your fault. We all deal with loss in different ways and I’m sorry no one was there for you when you needed them. I’m so sorry.” He whispered, wishing that he could have known Castiel back then to be able to help him and be his friend.

Castiel clutched onto Dean’s leather jacket, trying to stop himself from crying but failing miserably. “I just wanted them to notice that I was hurting… I would have done anything just to have one of them give me a hug and tell me that things were going to be okay. When I started…. Started hurting myself… I just wanted someone to look at me for one second and notice I was there and I was hurting. But, no one cared enough to even notice how much pain I was in, Dean. No one cared.”

Seeing Castiel break down like this was heart wrenching. Dean hushed him softly, trying his best to make Castiel feel secure. “You have me now, okay? I care and I will always be there for you. No matter what happens, alright? I’m here. If you ever need me, I’m there. I don’t care if I’m one hundred miles away and it’s two in the morning, I will find a way to get to you. I care about you so much… I’m not going to let you go through anything alone. I don’t want you to feel like you ever have to hurt yourself again.” Dean whispered, holding Castiel’s face in his hands gently.

The sweet things that Dean was saying soon became so clear and so evident in Castiel’s mind. He stared at him, looking right into those beautiful green eyes, and Castiel kissed him passionately, not letting their lips separate until he needed to catch his breath. “Dean… I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t you say that.” Dean replied instantaneously.

“It’s true. Here I am crying my eyes out when you were the one who was upset and needing someone. What help I am… Making it all about me.”

“Cas, stop it.” Dean stopped him and shook his head. “You’re not making it all about you. You’re telling me how you feel and being real with me. Clearly this stuff has been weighing you down and… I’m happy that we are close enough that we can trust each other with these things that are scary to talk about.”

Castiel leaned heavily against Dean, wiping his puffy eyes to clear his tears. “I feel like I can tell you anything. I’ve never felt like that with anyone before. Not even Charlie, and she’s been my best friend since forever.”

“It’s a new feeling, isn’t it?” Dean agreed, getting a nod as a response from Castiel. “Do you have anything else you want to get off your chest while we’re at it?” He wondered, gently stroking Castiel’s arm as he leaned his head gently on top of his boyfriend’s.

“I don’t think I’m going to come up with anything more intense and tear jerking if that’s what you’re looking for.”

“Just tell me anything.” Dean smiled lightly at him. “I won’t judge you or anything.”

It was truly unbelievable how Castiel just knew that he could tell Dean anything right now and he wouldn’t judge him. “I’m scared about college.”

“Yeah, I don’t exactly think you’re alone on that.” Dean assured Castiel, figuring anyone who was going to college would be nervous about it.

Castiel scratched the back of his neck and shook his head. “No, but it’s not for the reasons why most people are.” He explained. “I mean, yeah, the pressure of getting into a good school and doing well in my major of choice and having my whole adult life in front of me, as well as all those student loans is an idea that is a bit stressful to ponder.”

“You think?” Dean chuckled lightly.

“But, I’m not scared of that stuff.”

“Then what is it?”

Castiel’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink and he looked down shyly. “I’m scared about the partying.”

Now that, Dean had to hold in his laugh for. “What? What do you mean you’re scared of the partying? Isn’t that like… The fun part of college?”

“It is supposed to be. But, I don’t party. And I know that whatever roommate I get stuck with and whatever friends I make, they will most likely want to experience a college party at least once. And… I will look stupid because I’ve never been to a real party and then I won’t have any friends again and everyone will just think I’m some lame freak.” Castiel muttered, the color in his cheeks turning more vibrant the more he went on.

Dean couldn’t help but smile, pulling Castiel closer. “Baby, that is the last thing you should be worrying about.” Dean told him, kissing the top of his head.

“I know, I know, it’s a stupid fear.”

“Nah, it’s not stupid. But, look, you don’t need to be some party animal to make friends. I’m friends with you and I know you’re not like that; and if it really bothers you that much than you could always try and go to a high school party so you would have some idea what you’re doing.” He suggested.

Castiel looked at Dean as if he had completely lost his mind. “Dean, how do you expect me to get into a high school party? I have one other friend beside you and last time I checked, people in the AV club and math team don’t get invited to parties unless they are birthday parties for their four year old cousins.”

“Well, I get invited to parties.”

“No kidding? I would have never guessed.” Castiel muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “Of course you get invited, Dean. People think you’re cool.”

“But, if I get invited to parties than you can come as my date.” Dean clarified slowly.

That made Castiel pause momentarily. “I can’t go as your date, Dean.”

“And why not?”

“Because then… People would know that we are dating.” Castiel said as if it was obvious before he realized how that came off. “I mean, not that I’m ashamed that you’re my boyfriend or anything! That’s not the case at all. It’s just that once people realize that we are dating, they are going to be mean to you and treat you like shit and I don’t want you to go through that all because of me.” Castiel would hate himself forever if Dean started getting treated badly thanks to him.

Dean took a deep breath, trying to process his thoughts on everything Castiel just told him. “I don’t care what other people think of me or of us, Castiel.” He started. “Fuck everyone else’s opinions. I can’t spend my life worrying about what other people will think. You’re my boyfriend and I don’t want to hide you like you’re my dirty secret or something. Everyone else gets to hold hands with their boyfriend or girlfriend and kiss them in the hallways and go to parties with them. Why not us? Because we’re two guys? Because we have different personalities? Because of what other people think?” Dean stroked Castiel’s cheek softly. “I’m going to take you to a party this weekend. We are going to go there and you are going to have your arm looped around mine and if we want to make-out on the table or on the couch or on the front porch, we’re going to do it. And I could give a rat’s ass if someone has a problem with it.”

Castiel couldn’t believe how brave Dean was. The way he didn’t care about other’s opinions and just lived his life the way he wanted to made Castiel want to be more like him. “You would do all of that for me?” He asked quietly.

Dean looked off towards the other side of the familiar lake, squeezing Castiel closer to him, feeling so relaxed and truly happy, just like before. Except it wasn’t like before. It was better. “No.” He replied shorty, looking from the lake to the bluest oceans he ever seen.

“I would do all of that for us.”

 


	10. Pushing Boundaries

_“One can begin so many things with a new person! - even begin to be a better man.”_

_― George Eliot_

The rest of the week breezed by for Castiel and Dean. They spent most of their time together, and when they were not physically with each other, they were either calling each other or texting for hours on end. It was a little difficult in school for them. Trying to be with each other without anybody getting to suspicious or asking any questions. But, before they knew it, the bell to their last class on Friday rang and they had the whole entire weekend ahead of them.

Castiel gathered his things from his desk and happily rushed out to the parking lot, waiting for Dean at his Impala. They had not made any plans yet, but Castiel knew that Michael and Lucifer were not going to be home all weekend which meant that Dean would probably be able to sneak into the house without either of them getting into any trouble. It was a thrilling feeling to be spending the entire weekend with a boy who he was not even supposed to be seeing. Castiel had never really thought he would be the rebellious type, but he supposed anything was possible at this point. He was soon taken out of his train of thought when he saw Dean come out of the building and walk over to him and the car.

“Wow. Someone looks happy to be out of school.” Dean commented when he was close enough for Castiel to hear him. “I thought a cute little nerd like you would hate for school to be over.”

“You know, just because you put the words ‘cute’ and ‘little’ in front of nerd, doesn’t make it any less derogatory.” Castiel scolded him lightly.

Dena rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, you know very well that I like that you’re a nerd. So, don’t get all offended on me now.”

“How could I possibly be offended by you? You can call me the worst name in the book and I would still be happy that you’re just speaking to me.” Castiel told him, his hand sneakily intertwining with Dean’s.

When their hands met, Dean couldn’t help the smile that crept onto his face. “I don’t think that’s very healthy.” He whispered.

“I never said that how I feel about you was healthy.” He replied before pressing his lips gently against Dean’s, knowing they were safe from getting caught since Dean parked his car so far away from everyone else. But, even if he didn’t, Castiel couldn’t find himself to care right now. He missed Dean and he missed Dean’s lips. All he wanted to do today was make-out with his boyfriend; and he fully intended to do that right now.

As much Dean was enjoying the kiss as well, he was the first to pull back, causing Castiel to whine in the process, his lips moving forward, seeking out Dean’s. “We can go back to kissing in a second, baby.” Dean assured him. “I just have some news that I wanted to tell you.”

“News?” Castiel repeated, looking up at Dean curiously. “Well, can’t it wait?” He asked, hand going to Dean’s shirt and fisting at it, really wanting to hold his boyfriend close and kiss him some more.

Dean chuckled lightly at Castiel’s attempts, and he leaned in for one more peck on the lips before moving back again. “We are going to a party tonight.” Dean told Castiel with a bright smile on his face.

That made Castiel stop dead in his tracks.

“What?” Castiel nearly squeaked out, not looking nearly as excited as Dean did. “What do you mean we are going to a party? I didn’t get invited to anything. I don’t go to parties.”

“Well, there is a first for everything, isn’t there? And it doesn’t matter that you didn’t get an invite because I told some people I would go and you’re going to come with me, so I say you are invited.”

“But, Dean…”

“But, what?” Dean asked, not sure why Castiel looked so freaked out right now. “Cas, babe, you don’t need to panic. It’s going to be fun. Plus, it’s not like you’re going to be alone. I’m going to be there with you the whole time.”

Castiel didn’t really have a valid excuse to get out of this, which honestly just made him even more nervous. He knew that he was talking about how he always wanted to go to a real high school party before, but now that he was actually able to go, he was totally bitching out. “Dean, no one is going to want me there.” He told him quietly.

“I’m going to want you there.”

“Wouldn’t you rather we just stay in and watch movies and maybe go out for some frozen yogurt instead or something?”

Dean gave Castiel a small smile and kissed him again for a moment in an attempt to calm him down. “How about this.” He began to negotiate. “We can check out the party and if it’s lame we can get frozen yogurt and spend the night together. Does that sound alright?”

Castiel took an unsteady breath, nodding wordlessly. He knew that he probably looked extremely lame right now, but he couldn’t help but be nervous about it. Castiel just wasn’t a partier and he was worried already about all the bad stuff that might happen there.

Dean could obviously tell that Castiel was nervous, and he knew he had no reason to be. He held his hand tightly to show him that he was there for him and he pecked his lips. “I promise you that I will be by your side the whole time, baby. And if you ever don’t feel comfortable just tell me and we can go.”

Castiel looked up into Dean’s eyes, able to tell that he was telling the truth. Dean never lied to him. Castiel knew that if he could trust anyone, it was his boyfriend. Maybe he was just over-exaggerating all of this. “Okay.” He said in agreement and squeezed his hand back. “Can we make-out now?”

“Yes, yes, we can make-out now.” Dean took his hand and brought him to the backseat of the car. Dean was honestly craving Castiel just as much, if not more, so a make-out session sounded absolutely perfect as of now. When they got in the back, Dean pulled Castiel close and connected their lips in a wet, hot kiss. Oh yeah. This was definitely what Dean needed right now. Their tongues tangled together, almost in a desperate way. Dean didn’t want it to ever end. But, of course, they could never be so lucky.

Just when things started getting heated, there was a knock on the back window that caused Castiel to nearly jump out of his skin, unsure of who could be the one who knocked on the door. He visibly relaxed when he saw it was only Sam, but then was a little disappointed that his and Dean’s fooling around was put to an end so soon.

“Can you guys please stop being gross for a minute? I need a ride home.” Sam told them, opening the backseat door, basically kicking them out from there.

Dean groaned dramatically, but got out of the backseat anyways. “You are such a cock block, Sammy.” He told him and playfully pushed him to the side.

“Surprisingly, I can live with that.” Sam assured Dean and laughed a little before turning to Castiel. “Sorry, Cas.”

“It’s alright, Sam.”

“So, he gets an apology but I don’t? How is that fair?” Dean asked Sam in mock offense. “I see how it is. But, it’s cool, I get it. Got to play nice with Castiel since he’s Gabriel’s brother.” He joked, though Sam didn’t seem to find it very funny at all.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Sam asked, looking very defensive.

Dean shrugged as he started the car. “It doesn’t mean anything. I’m just saying that it makes sense that you want to make nice with Castiel since he’s your boyfriend’s brother an all.”

Sam’s eyes nearly popped out of his head at that comment. “ _My what?!_ ” Sam shook his head and laughed humorlessly. “Gabriel is _not_ my boyfriend. He’s probably the farthest thing from my boyfriend that there is. Why would you even say something like that? That’s not funny at all, Dean.”

“Jeez, Sammy, no need to get so defensive about it. Man, I wasn’t expecting that reaction out of you. That must mean you really like him.” Dean teased his little brother, honestly finding it pretty hilarious.

“Shut up, Dean.” Sam said, sounding kind of angry now. “You’re not funny. I don’t even know why you would say something so stupid.”

“Alright, alright.” Dean surrendered, really not knowing why that got such a reaction out of Sam. It was just a harmless joke after all. “Calm down, will you? I’m just playing around; there is no need to get all defensive.”

Sam rolled his eyes, feeling aggravated now “Whatever, Dean. I’m just stressed out, right now, alright? I have a big test coming up on Monday which means I’m going to have to spend the entire weekend studying and it’s worth a quarter of my grade, so I need to do well on it to get an A in the class.”

Dean nodded understandingly. “Sounds like the day in the life of Sam Winchester.” Dean told him reasonably. Sam always seemed to have some big test or assignment or project he had to work on that stressed him out. He was a hardworking kid who took all the advanced level classes and only accepted perfection out of himself. It must have been pretty hard for him. “But, you know, you cannot spend the entire weekend just studying, right? That is just going to tire you out and get you overwhelmed and then when it comes time to actually take the test, your mind is going to be on overload and you’re going to bomb it.” Dean said realistically. “Remember that biology exam that you spent all day and all night studying for and then you ended up getting so overwhelmed that you needed to beg the teacher for extra credit? Do you really want that happening again?”

Sam sighed heavily, knowing that Dean was probably right. “Well, what do you suggest that I do then? Not study? You know that isn’t an option, Dean.”

“I never said don’t study. Just take a day to let your brain relax and take it easy. Like, why don’t you just take tonight off since it’s Friday and then tomorrow you can study so on Sunday you can just look things over again.” Dean advised him before smiling to himself. “Wow. I give good studying advise for a guy who has never studied a day in his life.”

Sam thought about it for a moment, weighing out his options. He always felt like skipping a whole day of studying that he could have utilized was such a waste, but at the same time, he knew if he overdid himself, that wouldn’t be good either. “I… I suppose I can take today off.” He decided, looking very hesitant about his decision, still debating it.

“Awesome! Because I know exactly what you are going to be doing tonight, and it sure as hell is not going to be studying.”

Sam raised an eyebrow at Dean from the rearview mirror. “Oh really? And what exactly did you have in mind.”

“Well….” Dean started, a smirk on his face. “Cas and I are going to a party tonight. It’s an open house party, which means anyone can show up, so I was thinking-“

“No.”

Dean furrowed his brow slightly and glanced back at Sam. “No? What do you mean no? I didn’t even get to finish what I was saying.”

“You don’t need to finish, I know exactly what you were going to say, and the answer is no.”

“Why?!”

“Dean, you know why.” Sam huffed and shook his head in disbelief. “You want me to go to a party instead of studying? Really? That’s a horrible idea.”

“How is that a horrible idea? Having fun isn’t against the law, you know?”

“But, drinking, doing drugs, vandalizing, and getting into fights is. And that is all the stuff that happens at those house parties. Then the cops come and I’m going to be arrested or something and I cannot risk getting a criminal record just because you want me to let loose for a night.” Sam explained, his voice stern and unwavering. “I’ve seen teenage movies before, Dean. I know what happens.”

Dean was the next to roll his eyes, scoffing lightly. “Sam, please. That is not going to happen. And unless you are the one doing all that illegal stuff, you are not going to get in trouble. Look, you have never been to a party before, and I do not mean a birthday party before you say it, and you need to experience it once.” He persisted. “Cas is going! You know that Cas wouldn’t ever do something if he knew it would get him in any shit.”

“Cas is going because you’re a bad influence on him.”

“I can be a bad influence on more than one person at a time, you know?”

“Dean…”

“Sam, come on.” Dean’s voice was softer now, sounding more sincere. “It’s just one party.”

“And who am I supposed to hang out with at this party? You’re going to be with Cas the whole time and I’m going to end up just being alone in the corner, completely out of place.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way.” He interjected. “Parties are all about meeting new people. But, hey, I bet that girl from your class you like is going to be there. What was her name? Jess? This could be your night to make the move on her! And if that doesn’t work out I bet Gabriel will be around.” Dean joked again, receiving a kick in the back of his chair from Sam. “Hey! Watch it, Sam, don’t screw around with the seats.”

“Oh, shut it about your car already, will you?” Sam huffed and leaned back in his seat.

“So, are you going to go?” Dean was not going to give this up so easily. He really did want Sam to be able to actually experience the fun side to high school and not just study his brains out. Sam deserved to have fun from time to time.

Sam groaned and put his face in his hands. “If I say yes will you shut up about it already?” He muttered, starting to cave. As much as Sam wanted to act like this was the worst idea in the history of the world, he admittedly did think that going to a party would be kind of cool. Maybe even fun. He didn’t know if he would fit in, but… He always did secretly want to go to one.

Dean’s eyes widened a little bit at that. “Wait… You’re serious?”

“Don’t make me change my mind, Dean.”

“Okay, okay, I won’t. Wow, that’s awesome, Sammy.” He was actually proud of Sam’s decision to go. It was about time Sam went past his comfort zone and loosened up a bit. A party was exactly what this kid needed. “It’s going to be great, don’t worry. If anything does go wrong, which I highly doubt, you can always just find me.”

“Fine.” Sam nodded, taking a deep breath. He was admittedly nervous about this, but he knew he couldn’t back out now. There was a chance that this could be an awesome experience, after all. Sam just had to stop worrying so much. Everything was going to be fine. Maybe even great.

 

\-----------------------

 

Dean was pumped to say the least. Not that he was some party animal or anything. He would go to parties, have a few drinks and chill for the most part, maybe hook up with someone occasionally. But, this time was different. He was going to a party with a date, and his date was Castiel. He was honestly excited about taking him out to his very first party. It would be an interesting experience to say the least, and Dean just had very good vibes right now about all of this.

After he dropped Castiel off at his place, Dean headed home with Sam, relaxing and having dinner for a while before taking a shower and getting ready for the party. He was dressed in dark jeans, a plain white t-shirt, a simple green button down that he left open and his trademarked leather jacket. To finish off the look, Dean spent a little time fixing his hair around to make sure it looked good. Tonight was going to be a special night and he wanted to look good for his boyfriend.

When he was all finished making himself presentable for the night, he grabbed his phone and knocked on Sam’s door. “You almost ready, kiddo?” He called out from the other side of the door. He tried to door handle but it was locked, so he wiggled it around in a worthless attempt to open the door.

“Just a second, Dean!” Sam replied, his voice cracking a bit at the end, which always happened when he was nervous; and man, was he nervous. He had taken about an hour just to figure out what to wear. After a while, he had finally decided to just go with light jeans, a black and gray plaid shirt and his kind of new Converse that he tried to keep in good condition. It was a casual look that still looked like he tried a little, which was what he was initially aiming for. He gave himself one last look in the mirror, deciding that this was as good as it was going to get before finally opening the door, that Dean was still trying to get into. “You are honestly such a child.” He muttered, tugging at his shirt a bit.

“What can I say, I’m young at heart.” Dean smiled and looked Sam over. “You look fine, stop fussing like a girl will you?”

“I’m not!” Sam began to argue, but Dean just waved it off.

“Okay, so we are going to get Cas and then head to the party. Just remember to play it cool, talk to people, relax, and please at least try to have a good time, okay Sammy?” Dean slapped his back encouragingly and smiled before taking his keys from the kitchen counter and leading the way to the Impala.

Sam took a deep breath, trying to keep himself calm. Everything was going to be alright. There was nothing to stress about. Dean was right. If anyone should know anything about parties, it’s Dean because he went to parties a lot. There was nothing to be nervous about. He followed Dean to the car, focusing on keeping his cool as they drove to Castiel’s house.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Dean told Sam as he parked on the side of the street across from Castiel’s house and got out. Cas had previously said that his older brothers were out of the house for the weekend, so he just went to the front door and rang the doorbell, figuring he wouldn’t have to worry about who answered. The bell rang for a moment, the tone being a little musical tone and then Dean heard footsteps rushing from the stairs before the door opened. Dean was a bit surprised though when he saw that instead of seeing his boyfriend, there was a girl there.

“Oh my god… Dean Winchester?” The girl said in awe and nearly squealed. She was dressed in a forest green dress that was probably just long enough to cover up her goods, definitely short enough to be considered skimpy. She had a great deal of makeup on and her hair was freshly curled, giving Dean the obvious impression that this girl was going out somewhere as well.

“Uhm… Sorry, is Cas here?” Dean asked the girl slowly, thinking that maybe he went to the wrong house by mistake.

“Cas?” She repeated, jaw dropping. “You’re here to see Cas?!”

Before Dean could answer, Castiel rushed to the door and pushed the girl out of the way. “I said I was going to get the door Anna.” He muttered, glaring at his sister. He looked back at Dean, cheeks turning pink both from the situation before them and because holy shit did Dean look fine. “Uhm, sorry. Dean, this is my little sister, Anna.”

“I’m not that little, Castiel.” Anna rolled her eyes and smirked at Dean. “It’s so nice to meet you. I’ve seen you around school a lot. You look so good tonight, may I add.” She giggled, running a hand on Dean’s arm flirtatiously, not even trying to hide how she was feeling up his muscles.

Castiel felt his blood boil slightly at how Anna was feeling up his boyfriend and he pushed her arm away. “Will you stop acting so desperate? Dean is my friend and I don’t think he appreciates you touching him like that.”

“I don’t think he minds it at all.” Anna retorted and fluttered her lashes at Dean. “Isn’t that right?”

Dean looked from Anna to Castiel, unsure of what to do with himself. “Well… Uh…”

“See!” Anna piped up before he could finish, taking his awkward stuttering as him liking what she was doing. “And since when are you friends with Dean Winchester anyways?”

“Since now. Can we just go?” Castiel asked before looking back at Dean. “Oh, uhm, Anna is going to the party as well. I figured that since we were going that you wouldn’t mind giving her a ride.”

Dean nodded in agreement. “Yeah, that’s fine with me, I don’t care. Is Gabriel not coming?”

“No, he is, but he already left to pregame with his friends, I believe he said.”

“Cool. Well, we should probably get going.” Dean said and Anna happily went to Dean’s car, marveling at how beautiful it was. Dean quickly kissed Castiel’s cheek and looked at him with a slightly confused expression. “Does she know that we…”

“No.” Castiel said quietly. “I told her that a friend was taking me to a party tonight. I didn’t even say it was you. But, I can trust that she won’t go blabbing to Michael or Lucifer. As long as she thinks that we are just friends.”

“Alright, well, I can keep it on the down-low, don’t worry.” Dean commented before smirking a bit at Castiel. “You look hot, by the way.” He added, seeing Castiel was in black jeans, and a blue button up. “I’m going to have to fight all the girls off of you.”

Castiel scoffed. “Yeah, right, Dean.” He said in a way that was supposed to come off sarcastic, but the smile on his face ruined it, as well as the dark red cheeks that he was sporting.

Dean smiled to himself and got in the car. He looked back at Sam and Anna who were in the back, seeing that Anna was sitting in the middle seat rather on the farther side, getting very close to Sam. He could see through the rearview mirror that Sam looked a little uncomfortable as Anna quite obviously flirted with him for the whole car ride to the party.

Sam was honestly a little uneasy when Castiel’s sister got in the car and started blatantly flirting with him. Sam had never been smooth when it came to talking to girls, like how Dean was. He just clamed up and got super nervous, losing all train of thought. It didn’t exactly help that Anna was very pretty as well. If he couldn’t even talk to her though, he didn’t know how he would ever get the nerve to talk to Jess. She was probably the most gorgeous girl Sam had ever seen. He had the perfect chance to talk to her every day since she sat right next to him in one of his classes, but Sam never could work up the courage to talk to her. Jess was intimidatingly beautiful. Plus, from what Sam had seen, she was the nice one in her little group of mean girl friends who basically ruled school. Sam knew very well, he had no chance, and even if he did have a chance, he doubted he would ever find out.

Soon enough, Dean parked the car alongside a lengthy strip of cars in a small neighborhood. There were teenagers scattered around, either going to the party or coming from it. Dean got out of the car and walked towards the party house with Castiel by his side. “Are you excited?”

“Yes… And nervous. But, I am more excited than anything.” Castiel told him with a small smile.

“Everything is going to be fine. Just stick by me and I promise we will have a good time.” He said just as they got to the front door, a girl running out of the house whooping and laughing with a guy following behind her, the couple clearly drunk. “You see? They’re having a good time!” Dean laughed before stepping into the house.

The house was illuminated by colorful lights and smelled like a mixture of booze, sweat, and marijuana. House music filled the air, and there were people everywhere, either grinding on each other, chatting loudly, drinking, or making out. Anna had already found some of her friends and went off with them, leaving Sam following Dean, looking very out of place. “You want me to help you find someone to hang out with?” Dean asked Sam loudly so he could hear him over the music. Sam said something incoherent, and Dean just grabbed him by the sleeve of his shirt, taking Castiel’s hand with his free one and headed to the kitchen where the drinks were. It was a bit quieter there, so Dean didn’t have to yell anymore. “Now, both of you listen to me carefully. You are not to drink anything that anyone else gives you if it’s not me, or if you are opening it yourself. Places like this can get real sketchy really fast. I don’t want either of you getting drugged or something, do you hear me?” He told them, his voice serious.

Sam nodded, not really planning on drinking anything here just in case. He opened his mouth to tell Dean something before he felt a hand go to his shoulder, looking back and seeing Gabriel there.

“Well, well. Praise the powers that be! Little Castiel is finally at a party! Have I dropped into an alternate dimension or something?” Gabriel chuckled, honestly quite proud of his little brother for finally acting like a normal teenager.

Castiel shoved Gabriel’s arm playfully and shook his head. “Oh, shut up. You don’t have to go and make some big deal out of this.”

“Are you kidding? Cas, you’re finally spending the weekend doing something that is completely nerdy. We should be thanking the heavens!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Castiel looked to Gabriel and then got an idea. “Hey, are you doing anything right now?”

Gabriel pretended to think about it for a moment. “Besides living the good life with my friends Jack Daniel’s and Mary Jane? No, I’m not busy. Why do you ask?”

“Well, Sam needs someone to hang out with…”

Sam shot Castiel a look, definitely not wanting to spend his time being annoyed and harassed by Gabriel. That was the last thing that he wanted, honestly. “No, really, I’m fine.” He assured them, but Gabriel then wrapped his arm around Sam and an impish grin appeared on his face.

“I can take care of little Sammich.” Gabriel said mischievously. “Who else would be better to spend the night with anyways?” He flirted lightly, only getting an eye roll and a groan from Sam, but Dean and Castiel both ignored it.

“Great!” Dean said quickly, eager to go and spend the night with Castiel. “Well, you two have fun, okay? Be safe, and Gabriel, please watch over him.”

“Aye-aye.” Gabriel nodded and winked at them. “Don’t get little Cassie into too much trouble.” He called out to them before they were submerged in the crowed of people around them.

“What do we do now?” Castiel asked Dean, squeezing his hand tight so he would not lose Dean in the sea of people around them.

“Now we start having fun.” Dean told Castiel, going through some cabinets in the house, searching around until he found an unopened bottle of rum. “Here we go.” He said to himself before showing Castiel. He grabbed to glasses and went to the fridge, grabbing a liter of coke and putting it under his arm before taking Castiel’s hand again. “Just got to find somewhere quiet to go.”

Honestly, as soon as Dean showed Castiel the liquor bottle, he felt his heart race nervously. He had never had alcohol before, and he had heard so many stories of how drinking lead to some really bad things and this was a lot to take in right now. Dean brought him to a bedroom that wasn’t being occupied and locked the door. Castiel just stood there awkwardly as Dean started pouring drinks for the two of them. “Dean, I don’t know about this.” Castiel told him shyly, feeling so lame right now, but he couldn’t help it.

Dean glanced over at Castiel and saw the worry on his face. “Aw, Cas, there is nothing to be nervous about, sweetheart. Look, this is going to be fun, I promise you. Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you, Dean, but… I’ve never drank before. Plus, how are we going to get back home if we are both drunk? It won’t be safe.” Castiel reasoned with him.

Dean shrugged, continuing to pour the drink. “We can just call a cab to pick us up and I can get my car in the morning.” He said and handed Castiel his drink before taking his own. “Come on, baby. A little rum never killed anyone. Plus, it tastes awesome with Coke.” Dean encouraged him, knowing he was adding a bit of peer pressure on Castiel, but it was the only way to get Castiel to go past his comfort zone and let himself be free for once. “We don’t have to drink a lot. Just a little bit and if you don’t want to anymore, we can stop.”

As nervous as Castiel was about this, and how much he knew he had been told in school and by his brothers that drinking underage was wrong and could cause a lot of life threatening issues, Dean gave him that look that he could never say no to and he gave in. It was kind of funny how Dean could have that effect on him. “Okay… I’ll just have a little bit.” Castiel agreed and took the glass in his hand.

“That’s what I like to hear.” Dean smiled brightly and lightly clinked his glass with Castiel’s. “To…. Pushing our boundaries and living life on the edge.”

“Cheers.” Castiel said softly and took a small sip of his drink. It tasted like coke, but a lot stronger, able to taste the alcohol inside of it. He made a small face, unsure about how he felt about it just yet.

“What do you think?”

“It’s weird.”

“It’s always a bit different at first.” Dean nodded and took a large sip of his, seeming unaffected by it.

“Do you do this a lot?” Castiel asked him, taking another sip, a little bigger this time.

Dean tilted his head a bit and sat on the bed in the room, pulling Castiel onto his lap with him. “Why do you ask that?”

Castiel shrugged, wrapping one arm around Dean’s neck, feeling comfortable on his lap. “You just seem use to it, I suppose. At least compared to me.”

Dean nodded and pecked Castiel’s lips. “Yeah, I guess that I do drink regularly. I use to drink a lot about a year ago.” He admitted, frowning bit. “Like, almost every single day, and not to just have fun.”

Castiel frowned a little at that and looked at Dean with a gentle expression on his face. “I’m sorry, Dean.” He whispered and kissed his lips tenderly, trying to show his love and affection for him.

“Nah, don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault or anything. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but my own.” Dean explained and ran his hand gently over Castiel’s side. “I was just in a very bad place. Almost got myself killed by drinking so much. It was really horrible and selfish of me.” He said and sighed before smiling lightly at Castiel. “Thankfully, I’m not in that position anymore.”

Castiel pecked his cheeks and down his jaw before kissing his lips again. “It’s okay.” He whispered and kissed him again before taking another sip of his drink, starting to get over the initial bad flavor it left in his mouth.

Dean happily took in all the kisses, drinking casually until they both finished their first glass. Dean then refilled their drinks and refilled them again until he started becoming a bit tipsy and Castiel looked more than a little drunk. It was honestly kind of interesting to see Castiel drunk, in Dean’s opinion. He was all giggly and smiling the whole time over virtually nothing.

“Mm, this was such a good idea.” Castiel slurred out and hiccupped a bit, kissing Dean along his jawline, tongue tracing his defined outlines. “We need to do this more often.” He muttered, straddling Dean’s lap and spilling some of his drink on the bed. “Oopsies!” He giggled and wrapped his arms around Dean.

Dean laughed a bit himself, staring up at Castiel with an amused expression on his face. “What are you doing, silly?”

“What does it look like?” Castiel whispered, trying his hardest to seem seductive. “I want you.” He told him quietly, hips slowly grinding against Dean as he sucked lightly on his neck, tasting the saltiness of his sweat.

Dean paused for a second, not really sure what to do. Would he love to take Castiel completely right now? Hell yes. But, under these circumstances… Dean knew that Castiel hadn’t ever had sex before and he didn’t want his first time to be in some random person’s bed while he was drunk and may not even remember it all. Castiel deserved so much better than that. “Let’s just take it slow, baby.” He suggested.

“But, Dean….” Castiel whined, licking his lips. “I want you so bad. So badly… Remember when we were in your car earlier? Before Sam walked in? I want to try that over again.”

“Okay.” Dean whispered and nodded. “Let’s do that again.” He muttered before pulling Castiel close and connecting their lips. Dean let all of his passion for Castiel flow through him as he kissed him, feeling needy for his boyfriend’s touch. He leaned back on the bed, letting Castiel hover over him as they made out, each second getting more and more intense.

Castiel was totally overcome with bliss and lust as he made out with Dean. The alcohol definitely helped him become braver about kissing and touching the perfect boy underneath him. Castiel pulled Dean up a little so he could shrug off his jacket and toss it aside, along with Dean’s button up so he was now just in his t-shirt. He looked absolutely amazing in that tight white shirt, too. Dean’s muscles were well defined and it drove Castiel mad with lust to see him like that. He connected their lips again and Castiel allowed himself to run his hands over Dean’s chest, under his shirt, a small moan escaping him. Dean’s skin was warm and hard and he just wanted it closer.

Dean could see that Castiel wanted more of him, so he pulled back for a second and took off his shirt, carelessly throwing it to the floor. He saw Castiel’s eyes widen and he couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. “You like that, babe?” He asked him knowingly before he started unbuttoning Castiel’s shirt, as well. Soon enough, they were both shirtless and things were getting heated quickly. Dean didn’t realize how quickly though until he felt Castiel put his hands on Dean’s pants, beginning to unbutton them. “Cas….” He murmured, taking his hand to stop him. “You don’t have to do that. It’s okay.”

“I want too.”

“You’re drunk. You don’t know if you want to or not.”

“Dean, I want you so badly. I need you. Please, just let me…” Castiel insisted.

Dean thought about it for a minute, trying to decide what the right thing to do was. And he really did want Castiel too. But, now wasn’t the right time. “I will take you and please you another time. When I can make you feel really good and treat you well and have it be perfect. You don’t deserve any less than that, baby. I’m not about to take advantage of you or give you your first time when you’re drunk. I care about you too much.” Dean told him sincerely, kissing his lips gently.

Castiel smiled lightly at that, honestly touched by the sentiment. “You are so sweet, Dean.” He muttered and kissed Dean a bit sloppily and smiled in content. “Another time.” He repeated and held his pinky out for a promise.

Dean took his pinky in Castiel’s and smiled. “It’s going to be perfect, I promise you.” He said and sighed happily. He sat up, holding Castiel close and grabbing the bottle they had, noticing that it went forgotten and had spilled on the ground. “I’ll go get us some more, okay?” He suggested and Castiel nodded. “You stay here. I’ll be right back.” Dean said and kissed his cheek before putting his shirt back on and heading out of the room. He did feel a little wobbly on his feet as he started walking back to where the drinks were, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. On his way over there, he saw Sam and Gabriel on the couch together, Gabriel chatting with a drink in his hand as Sam looked completely miserable. “Hey, guys. How’s it going?”

“Hi, Dean-o!” Gabriel exclaimed and grinned widely. “Things are just dandy with me and your baby bro, right Sammich?” He asked, as Sam made a sarcastic look and mouthed ‘ _help me_ ' to Dean.

Dean didn’t seem to realize how tortured Sam looked though, so he just smiled and gave them a thumbs up. “Awesome! Well, I’m getting some more booze. I’ll catch you guys later.”

“You and Cassie behave yourselves!” Gabriel said before turning back to Sam. “C’mon, Sammy! Stop looking like someone ran over your puppy. We’re at a party! You’re supposed to be having fun.”

“I don’t see what’s so fun about this.” Sam said bitterly.

Gabriel sat up and slapped Sam’s knee lightly. “You’re not having any fun because you’re completely sober right now. Now come with me and we can start having a good time, alright?”

Sam shook his head firmly. “I’m not going to go get drunk with you, Gabriel. Just forget it.”

“I’m not taking you to go get drunk. We’re going to do something else. I know you hate me, but just trust me this once.” Gabriel said and pulled Sam up a bit forcefully before taking him to the bathroom and closed the door.

Sam looked around before crossing his arms over his chest. “This is your idea of a good time? Standing around in a dirty bathroom?” He asked just before he saw Gabriel pull out something from his pocket, along with a small bag. “What the hell is that?!”

“A bowl.” Gabriel said with a smirk and started filling it.

“That’s… That’s marijuana!” Sam exclaimed in horror as Gabriel took out his lighter.

“You bet your sweet ass it is. And this is the good shit too. I get nothing but the best.” Gabriel explained as he went to the bathroom window and took a hit. He exhaled the smoke and smiled to himself before looking to Sam. “Your turn.”

Sam looked at Gabriel as if he just asked him to shoot him in the leg. “Are you crazy?”

“Duh. That’s what makes me the life of the party after all.”

“I’m not doing drugs, Gabriel. No, thank you.”

Gabriel sighed and leaned against the window sill. “Weed is hardly a real drug. This will just relax you and trust me, if either of us need some, it’s you. I swear, I’ve never seen someone so tense before and I was in the room when my mom was giving birth to my youngest brother. Talk about a rigid atmosphere.” He tried to lighten the mood, but saw Sam still looked as stern as ever. “Just try it. What could it really hurt?”

Sam didn’t know why, but he suddenly found himself unfolding his arms and sighing in defeat. He really was having a shitty time at this party and if a little weed would make this better… Well, what the hell, right? He took the bowl, holding it awkwardly. “How do I do this?”

“Wait, really?!” Gabriel asked in excitement. “I knew you didn’t always have a stick up your ass, Winchester.” He patted him on the back before getting his lighter out again. “Just hold it and put your finger over the hole on the side, okay?” He said, helping Sam to show him what to do. “Now put your lips up to it and when I light it, you’re going to suck in and then blow out the smoke.”

Sam pushed back his fear and nodded. When instructed, he sucked in for a moment, blowing out and starting to cough a bit violently, his throat feeling like it was on fire.

“It’s alright, that usually happens the first time. Try not to cough too much or you won’t be able to stop.” Gabriel advised, taking another hit for himself. When Sam stopped coughing, Gabriel gave him the bowl again. “You want another?”

Sam initially got over cough attack and nodded. He continued to take hit after hit, slowly starting to relax just like Gabriel said he would. “This isn’t so bad.” He declared and smiled at the floor. “I definitely feel a lot better.”

“The joys of getting high, my friend. It’s truly majestic.” Gabriel laughed and sat on the edge of the bathtub, Sam sitting beside him.

“I don’t hate you.” Sam spoke up suddenly.

“What?”

“You said that I hated you before. I don’t.”

“Oh. Awesome.” Gabriel smiled and nudged him lightly. “I don’t hate you either, Sammich. You’re just fun to tease.” He said and was quiet for another moment. “So, why were you so upset earlier? If it wasn’t because you were spending so much time with me.”

Sam shrugged and sighed. “There is this girl-“

“Say no more.” Gabriel held his hand out to stop him and he nodded. “It’s always a girl, isn’t it? Females are sexy divine creatures, but fuck, if they don’t know how to rip your heart out, am I right?”

“Yeah… I mean, it’s mostly my fault for being such a coward and not being able to talk to her.” Sam said softly. “I was hoping tonight I could talk to her but I saw her with someone else and… I have no chance. Or maybe I did have a chance and I just totally missed it.”

“Aw, well… You live and you learn. Don’t be too hard on yourself, kiddo. There will always be more girls. Or guys, if you swing that way.”

Sam scratched the back of his neck and nodded. “I guess you’re right… What about you? Why are you not with your girlfriend right now?”

“Ah, my girlfriend.” Gabriel smiled lazily. “The hoodie I have stuffed with pillows and heating pad to keep me warm at night when we cuddle. Great snuggle mate, but she is terrible at remembering our anniversary. Guess it serves me right for dating an inanimate object.”

Sam raised an eyebrow at Gabriel. “Oh… So, you aren’t seeing anyone then?”

“I just told you about my girlfriend. Listen, Sam.”

“Shut up.” Sam pushed him halfheartedly and laughed a bit.

Gabriel smiled and wrapped his arm around Sam’s shoulder. “Don’t get too down in the dumps, Sammich. The single life ain’t too bad. You have no one holding you down, at least.”

“And no one holding me up either.”

“It’s all in how you look at it. Don’t be negative, that isn’t going to get you anywhere.” Gabriel advised. “It’s her loss anyways. You’re cool when you take the stick out of your ass.”

“And you’re cool when you stop being an annoying jokester twenty-four-seven.” Sam replied and leaned a little closer to Gabriel.

“I’m honored.” Gabriel smirked at that. “And hey, I bet there are plenty of people who like you and you just don’t know it. Honestly, I feel like you’re the type of person that wouldn’t be able to tell if someone likes them if they literally told you that the sun shines out of your ass, which it does, by the way.”

“I don’t know.” Sam said and shrugged. “I guess I am not good at the whole self-confidence thing.”

“We can work on it.” Gabriel sighed and ruffled Sam’s hair around playfully, feeling like finally this party was getting good.

 

\-----------------------

 

Once Dean left Sam and Gabriel, he took a while on his search for some alcohol that he could honestly know wasn’t tampered with. He found himself asking around, wanting to just bring something back to Castiel instead of taking so long just to come back empty handed. As he was looking around, he heard his name get called and he turned around, seeing the one person he really was not in the mood to talk to.

Lisa Braeden.

Lisa was Dean’s ex-girlfriend from the year before. Dean never really had many relationships, but Lisa was an on and off relationship that Dean use to have for a while. She was honestly a beautiful girl, and she was great at sex and Dean actually had opened up to her many times about things he didn’t tell many people. Even about things that Castiel didn’t know as of the moment. But, all of that was flushed down the tubes when Dean caught Lisa in the janitor’s closet, getting pounded into the wall by some other guy. After that, saying that he and Lisa had a rocky relationship was an understatement. Lisa had moved on from guy to guy, but for some reason, whenever they would run into each other when they were drunk, they would end up hooking up. The last time that happened was a while ago.

“Dean. Just the guy I was hoping to see.” Lisa smiled in false innocence, striding up to Dean and wrapping an arm around him. “God, you look good right now… You get all sexy just for me?”

Dean stepped away from her, not wanting to start this right now. “Lisa, leave me alone. You’re making yourself look pathetic.” He told her blatantly, wanting to get as far away as possible from her right now.

“Excuse me?” She raised an eyebrow at him, looking positively offended. “You’re calling me pathetic? Really, Dean? You’re the one who can never help but come crawling back to me all the time.”

“Well, not this time. And not ever again. I’m over you, Lisa. I’ve been over you. And by the looks of how many guys you’re with, it seems like you’re over me too, so what exactly are you doing right now?”

“I could give a shit about those other guys.” Lisa said casually. “You know we have always had something special. Something we couldn’t help but always come back to… You know how much I love you. And you love me too. So, just admit it.”

Dean was about to reply before he looked and saw Castiel, just standing there watching, tears in his eyes. “No, Lisa.” Dean said sternly and nearly pushed her off of him. “I don’t fucking love you. After you cheated and humiliated me? No. Fuck no. Every time that I got with you was a mistake. I’m over it and I’m over you. I’ve moved on and you know what, I am in love now. But, with someone else.”

Lisa scoffed, clearly not believing him. “Oh, is that so?”

“That’s so, sweetheart. Believe it or not, you’re not the last Coke of the fucking dessert.”

“And who exactly do you think is better than I am that you so suddenly fell in love with, hmm?”

Dean walked past her and took Castiel’s hand. “He is.” He said firmly. So, much for this being a secret.

Lisa stared at Dean in shock before she burst out laughing. “Is that a joke? Him?! Isn’t he like, the biggest nerd of the school? And apparently a fag also?” She bit out. “If you rather be with him instead of me then you are fucking crazy, Dean.”

“You know why I rather be with him? Because he is the kindest, sweetest, most warm-hearted person I ever met.” Dean told her. “He cares about me and about his future and he is funny and honest and gorgeous and the best person I ever met. He wouldn’t ever hurt me like you did because he cares about me too much, unlike you. You’re a bitter, lying, skank with no respect for yourself or anyone else. So, you can laugh all you want, but let’s just see who will be truly happy at the end; and I can tell you one thing for sure, it isn’t going to be you.” Dean said, not even noticing that he was talking loud and sort of developed a crowd as he said his little speech. He didn’t care though. He just took Castiel’s hand and dragged him out of there.

“Dean…” Castiel said quietly, so many things on his mind right now.

Dean didn’t answer, he just took him back to the room they were at. He looked around and opened the window, seeing there was a little roof outside of there. “Come on, I need air.” He muttered, going out the window onto the roof and sat down.

Castiel followed him out to the roof and sat beside Dean in silence. He had so many things to say but at the same time couldn’t find any words.

“I’m sorry.” Dean muttered before Castiel could get a word out. “I just ruined everything, didn’t I?” He asked quietly, hating himself right now for letting out their secret.

Castiel sighed and wrapped his arms around Dean. “You could never ruin anything, Dean.” Castiel assured him, not really finding it in himself to care that their secret was out at the moment. “Did you… Did you mean all that back there?”

“Every word.” Dean whispered and looked to Castiel, giving him a gentle kiss. He stared into his big blue eyes, getting lost in them. He squeezed his hand, his heart racing rapidly in his chest. A sense of calm took over him. It just felt like right here and now was all that mattered. Like it was just him and Castiel on the roof top and nothing could touch them or destroy the beauty of this moment, where two souls were so connected. “I love you, Castiel.” He said, as if it was the easiest thing he ever said in his life.

Castiel had waited a while for the words, unsure if he would ever even hear them. Ever since he was little he dreamed about the day that someone would confess their love for him. Many situations of how it would happen came to his mind, but none could match how perfect it really was. Castiel felt so special and so lucky. Dean loved him and he felt like that’s all he needed. He leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder, feeling sobered up as he looked up at the twinkling stars that were looking down on him.

“I love you, too.”

 


	11. Out with the Old

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it has been a while! I would firstly just like to apologize for the excessively long wait for this chapter. I have been very busy over the last several months along with having some bad writer's block. But, I have finally got a new chapter out for you all! I can assure you that there will be more chapters to come. For all my previous readers, thank you for sticking with me, and for my new readers, thank you for choosing to read my work!

_“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”_

_-Eleanor Roosevelt_

About a week passed since the eventful party that took place, seeming to become a turning point in both Dean and Castiel’s lives. Their relationship flourished, but as they fell into a deeper sense of yearning for one another, not everyone was so accepting and elated by the knowledge of the boys’ relationship with each other.

While Castiel was afraid that everyone in school would start to be both verbally and physically abusive towards them in retaliation to the discovery that the two were dating, that was not exactly what occurred. In some ways, Castiel wished that things were that simple. Sure, some people had snide comments to jab at Castiel when he was walking through the hallway, but he was used to that. He expected nothing less than that. But, the majority of the people actually didn’t shame or slander him. In fact, they wouldn’t say anything at all. Not that he had a desire to be constantly harassed by his peers, but because what was actually happening was in a whole new realm that Castiel was not sure how to deal with.

If Castiel walked into a class or down a crowded hallway, people would just stare at him, giving him a mixture between a look of disgust and uncertainty before turning to whoever was closest to them and whispering things that Castiel could only imagine were not cordial. It was as if they were aghast at the revelation that Castiel was not only openly homosexual now, but also currently in a committed relationship with Dean Winchester. The funniest thing about it was that, Castiel could not even blame them. If it was him looking on the outside, he would probably be just as confused.

On this particular day, Castiel also had the utmost pleasure into running into Lisa, who greeted him by sneering and calling him a string of derogatory words that seemed to all tangle together in a jumbled heap of hatred. It was nerve-wracking to say the least. Castiel was in constant fear that at any moment, Lisa was going to unleash hell upon him and everyone would then really begin to turn on both him and Dean. Castiel was not in the least bit guileless. He knew that the torment to come was inevitable. But the wait to see when exactly Lisa was going to bring it upon them was what killed Castiel the most. No doubt, that was most likely part of Lisa’s villainous plan.

For now though, Castiel knew that there was not much that he could do, so he decided to try and ignore it while he still was able to. He was filled with zealous when school ended, another thing that was foreign to him, since he used to find a lot of serenity in being in school and learning. It was disheartening to no longer feel that way.

He quickly collected all his belongs he needed to bring home before going out to the far end of the parking lot where the Impala was parked. Sure enough, Dean was already there waiting for him, probably having cut out on the last part of his class, if not skipped the whole thing all together. Castiel did not bother to ask though, having been too excited to just spend the rest of the day with his boyfriend and away from all the stressful madness that was all too prevalent in school.

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s middle and looked up at him, a warm and dreamy smile appearing on his face. It was truly miraculous how just being embraced by Dean could change his attitude instantaneously. “Hi, stranger.” Castiel muttered, getting on his tip toes to give Dean a light peck on the lips.

“Hey, angel face.” Dean hummed in response and gladly kissed him back.

“Angel face?” Castiel raised his eyebrow. “Really? That’s the pet name you’re going with?”  
  
Dean shrugged. “You cannot tell me it is not fitting.”  
  
“You are astoundingly cheesy.”

“Don’t act as if you don’t love it.” Dean chuckled and kissed the top of Castiel’s head. “You have a good day?”

Castiel groaned and leaned impossibly closer to him. “I don’t want to talk about it.”  
  
“That bad?”

“Going through the same bullshit everyday does get tiring, Dean.” Castiel sighed in defeat. “I bumped into Lisa. Literally, we kind of crashed against each other.” He informed him. “You know, for being on the smaller side, she is incredibly ungraceful.”

Dean’s eyes widened slightly and he crossed his arms over his chest. “Did she do anything? Or say anything to you?” He asked him, already getting into a bellicose stance that made Castiel feel bothered.

“It was not a big deal. She acted bitchy, but what can you honestly expect? She is a bitch after all.” As much as Castiel did not want to defend Lisa or her actions that were more than a little uncalled for, he did not want Dean to get into an argument with Lisa, or anyone else for that matter. “Can we just forget it? I just want to spend time with you and forget about everything else. Please, Dean?”

As tempted as Dean was to becoming heated from all of this, he compelled himself to stay as calm as he possibly could. For Castiel’s sake only though. “Fine. I can forget it for now.” Dean gave in, resulting in Castiel physically relaxing and hugging Dean tighter. “I hate the thought of anyone treating you badly. You cannot blame me for being upset about all of this.”  
  
“I understand, Dean. But, I really don’t want to start more problems. Not right now. I just want to forget about all of this drama and be with you.”  
  
There really was no possible way that Dean could ever deny Castiel’s wishes, so he nodded in agreement. “Well, if that’s what you want then that is what we will do.”

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, pulling him down so their foreheads touched. “Thank you.” He whispered and kissed him again. “So, are we waiting for Sam today?”

“Yeah, he should be out any second.” Dean looked around and spotted his brother heading over in their direction. “Damn. I was hoping he would take a bit longer.” He admitted. “I wouldn’t hate some alone time with you.” He smirked at Castiel, winking at him amorously.

“Oh, stop it, you.” Castiel chuckled and swatted Dean’s arm in a teasing manner as Sam approached the car. “Heya, Sam.” Castiel turned around in Dean’s arms and smiled widely at the younger Winchester.

Sam looked between the two boys and rolled his eyes. “You guys can’t go a minute without hanging off of each other, can you?” He laughed, shaking his head half-heartedly before looking to Dean. “I just came by to tell you that I do not need a ride home. I am going to be staying after for a little bit.”  
  
“Staying after again?” Dean questioned him. “I thought you told me this morning that you had already finished all the work you had to do for the week. Did you get laid with another project or something?”

“Nah, nothing like that.” Sam paused, looking to his feet and kicking a pebble that was close to his shoe. “I am actually staying after with Gabriel.”  
  
Both Dean and Castiel were dumbstruck from the news.  “Wait, what?” They spoke simultaneously.

“Since when does Gabriel ever stay after school except if it is for detention?” Castiel asked and then huffed. “Don’t tell me that he got detention again. If he keeps it up he will be suspended and that is the last thing that he needs on his permanent record.” He said like a true worried mother.

“He doesn’t have detention.” Sam said, anxiously running a hand through his hair, as if he was committing a criminal act and trying to hide it.  
  
“Then why is he staying after school?”  
  
“He wanted to hangout.”

“Hangout?” Dean chimed in, in equally as much confusion as Castiel was. “Why would Gabriel want to hang out at school with you?”

Sam’s eyebrows furrowed together in annoyance. “Is it that hard to believe somebody would want to hang out with me, Dean?”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” Dean stated firmly.

“Gabriel told me that he needs to meet with some teachers and asked if I would wait for him so we could spend some time together and then he would drive me home. I don’t see why that has to be made into such a big deal.”

Dean smirked a bit as he watched Sam get so worked up over this. “You are the only one who is making this a big deal, Sammy.” He said and leaned back against his car. “Go ahead. Just make sure that you tell me when you’re coming home or if you are coming home late so I can know when to expect you. Unless you are not coming home tonight…” Dean nudged Sam’s shoulder and laughed softly.

“Of course I’m coming home, you weirdo!” Sam blushed and pushed Dean lightly.  
  
“No need to get so defensive, Sammy! Have fun with Gabriel, but not too much fun. Don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do!”

Sam gave Dean a coarse look, filled with teenage hormonal attitude before turning on his heel and heading back inside the building. He supposed he could not blame Dean and Castiel for being surprised about Gabriel and him spending time together. Sam had never shown anything but animosity towards Gabriel before the night at that party. But, ever since then, things really seemed to have changed. Despite Sam being less than enthusiastic about having to be stuck with Gabriel at that party at first, they did seem to bond there. Sam supposed he consider them friends. Or at least acquaintances that were able to be civil around each other. Gabriel was not too bad of a guy. He did get severely irritating at times, there was no denying that at all. But, he was okay.

While Sam was caught up in thought, Gabriel exited the classroom, gazing at him in a spirited demeanor. “Gotta hand it to you, Sammich. For a second there I thought maybe you were gonna just ditch me. Nice to see you stuck around for me.”

Sam looked impassive at best at Gabriel’s words, just laughing absently at them. “You don’t have a lot of faith in me, do you?” He accused, though he kept his tone poised.

“Oh, please, Sammy. Of course I have the utmost faith in you. I just know that you must have many more important things to do. It is an honor in the truest form to have some of your time.” Gabriel replied courteously.

Sam hummed and though he tried, he just could not hold in his smile. “You’re an odd little thing, Gabriel Novak.”  
  
“Hey, is that supposed to be a short joke or something?” Gabriel pouted, receiving a small shove from Sam. “Who knew you could be such a bully?”  
  
Sam snorted. “Me? A bully? That’s a new one.”

“Would you prefer the term overly arbitrary?”  
  
“Big word. I’m proud.”

Now it was Gabriel’s turn to snort in response. “Just because I’m a druggie who does not do well in school does not mean that I don’t know a big word or two.”

“I see.” Sam nodded before he began walking down the hallway. “So, what did you have to talk to your teacher about anyways?” He asked curiously.

Gabriel’s smile faded a bit and he clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth. “I may or not be failing my history class.” He said indifferently.

“What?” Sam could not believe how casual Gabriel seemed about that statement. If Sam was ever failing a class, he would most likely get a small stroke at the very least. “Why are you failing? Are you going to do any extra credit? You’re a senior, aren’t you? You do not want to fail, what if you have to stay back?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Gabriel raised his hands up and shook them to get Sam to stop asking so many questions. “Yes, I’m a senior and obviously failing would not exactly be ideal. But, it’s whatever. I mean, I’ll figure it out somehow. Don’t stress out on account of me. Stressing out doesn’t help anyone. I need to just relax and go with the flow. It’s how I work, kiddo.”

Sam did not understand that one bit, in complete honesty. But, he didn’t press the issue. It really was not any of his business, he supposed. “Well, if you have it in control that is all that matters, I guess.” Sam said as they headed out the back door to the track field. “So, uh, did you bring the stuff?” He asked in a whisper, looking around nervously. Maybe Sam left out the minor detail to Dean that while he was going to hangout with Gabriel, he was also going to engage in doing some illegal drugs with him. If anyone would be most surprised about Sam doing such an uncharacteristic thing, it would have to be himself. A couple weeks ago, he would never even think twice about saying no to drugs. But, when he did it with Gabriel before it was so relaxing and it did seem pretty harmless. He liked it and he was not hurting anyone, so he didn’t see why he should not do it. Plus, it gave him a small rush which he would never openly admit to. He was doing something bad for once. It gave him an addicting sense of both thrill and anxiety that he could not get enough of. Though Sam knew that chances were that Dean wouldn’t completely freak out about it because it was not like Dean had not ever done it before, sometimes Dean could be a bit hypocritical and overprotective when it came to things like this. He was kind of a fickle person when it came to these kind of situations.

Gabriel grinned at the comment. “As if I could forget.” He moved his backpack to the side, opening it up and getting out a rolled up paper bag with the questionable contents inside.

“Gabriel! Not here! There are people around…” Sam said nervously, seeing there were people practicing on the track field and there were a few onlookers on the bleachers as well. He did not want to be caught with drugs on him and get into any trouble.

Gabriel just looked amused at Sam’s worry. “Aww, Sam. You’re adorable.” He said and wrapped an arm around his shoulder casually. “You’re not going to get in trouble, okay? I’m an expert at this. Trust me, we will be okay. I wouldn’t ever get you in no trouble.” He said and sat himself down on the grass beside a large tree far from the field, positioned so no one would be able to see them. He proceeded to get the marijuana out of the bag, along with some rolling paper and his lighter.

Sam watched Gabriel closely as he started to roll the joints. “You really are some kind of expert at this, huh? How long have you been smoking for?”

“Since I was thirteen.”  
  
“Where did you get drugs from that young?” Sam asked, almost not believing it

“My older brother, Lucifer. He was an enabler, in more ways than one. Not that I’m really complaining. He does his thing, I kind of respect him for it.”

The fact that Gabriel’s own brother would be the one to supply him with drugs was almost too foreign of an idea to grasp. He hummed a bit in thought and took the joint that Gabriel first rolled. “He does not sound like a good influence.”  
  
“Guess not. But, I’m not exactly one to talk either, now am I?” Gabriel raised a brow at Sam, that little grin he always had on, still planted on his face.

Sam could not argue with that, so he didn’t bother. “Light this for me, will you?” He asked, changing the subject.

“Not such a good boy either, are you, Sammy?” Gabriel teased. “Put it to your mouth first, sweetheart.”

Sam made a face both at the comment and at the nickname. He put the joint to his lips, inhaling once it was lit and slowly exhaling. He coughed a bit, still not really used to all of this though he was able to control himself a lot better than the last time. He took a small hit before blowing the smoke out and taking a soft breath.

“Good.” Gabriel praised him. “You’re starting to get a hang of it, I think.” Gabriel said as he rolled his own joint. “I’m proud, Sammich.”

“Don’t call me—“ Sam started to protest before pausing completely, staring off in a different direction.  
  
Gabriel raised an eyebrow, not really sure what just happened. “Hello?! Earth to Samsquatch!” Gabriel knocked on the younger boy’s head and laughed as Sam gave him a face and pushed him away carelessly. “Who are you staring at with those big puppy dog eyes?” He asked, looking in the same direction, trying to gauge who may have caught Sam’s attention.

“No one.” Sam murmured, looking away suspiciously.

“You think I was born yesterday, Sam? C’mon, let me know! We are friends now, are we not?”  
  
“Well…”  
  
“Tell me!” Gabriel insisted, shaking his arm childishly, knowing Sam wouldn’t have tolerance to hold out much longer.  
  
Sure enough, Gabriel was correct. “Oh my gosh, fine! God, I don’t know how anyone ever dealt with you as a child. You are so damn annoying, it’s unreal.”  
  
Gabriel lifted his chin proudly and smiled. “I was born gifted, what can I say? Now spill. Who is it?”  
  
Sam pointed gingerly towards the group of cheerleaders that were on the field, starting to get ready for practice. “Her. The blonde petite one that is sitting on the bench.” He said as he stared at her dreamily. “It’s that girl I told you about at the party. Jess, remember?”

Gabriel hummed and nodded. “Ah, I see.” He said and took a large hit from his joint. “Well, what are you doing then?”  
  
“Pardon me?”  
  
“What are you doing? Go talk to her.”

Sam’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head at that. “Are you insane?!”  
  
“Of course I am insane, that much is pretty obvious. But, for once I think what I’m saying is pretty reasonable, if I do say so myself.” Gabriel said and nodded in agreement with himself. “Get up, go over there, and woo that girl like it’s nobody’s business.”  
  
Sam shook his head and scoffed in disbelief. “No way.”  
  
“You like her, don’t you?”  
  
“Yes, Gabriel.” Sam said through his teeth, thoroughly annoyed. “But, I just… I can’t. She wouldn’t want to talk to me anyways.”  
  
“Oh, shut up.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Why are you so self-deprecating, Sam? Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe she has just been waiting for you to talk to her first all this time because she is also nervous to talk to you?”  
  
“Why would she be nervous to talk to me?”  
  
“Well, why should you be nervous to talk to her?” Gabriel countered. After a pause of thought on Sam’s part, Gabriel got up and took Sam with him. “Yup, that’s what I thought.” He said and started pulling Sam over to where Jess was.

As Sam began getting pulled closer to where his crush was, he felt himself start to seriously begin to stress out. “What are you doing?!” He panicked. “Let go of me! Gabriel!” He desperately tried pulling away, but could not get free.

“Just follow my lead.” Gabriel insisted, taking Sam’s joint despite his protests. “Now stop pulling away or then you’re really going to look like a weirdo.” Gabriel advised him before approaching the cheerleaders with confidence. “Hello, ladies.” He smiled charmingly at the lot of them, the girls all turning, looking delighted to see Gabriel.

“Hi, Gabriel.” A brunette cheerleaders spoke up and giggled. “You come to watch us practice?” She asked, taking a few steps closer and giving him a cute smile as she played with the end of her skirt flirtatiously.

“Ah, ladies, you know I couldn’t resist a good cheerleading practice. Especially with all you beauties.” Gabriel flirted right back, winking at the girl who spoke to him, causing her to erupt into giggles, looking to one of her friends beside her and squeezing her arm lightly.  
  
Sam just stared from Gabriel to the girls, looking confused as to how Gabriel not only had such confidence but was able to get all these girls to be simultaneously fawning for him. Gabriel looked to Sam, expecting him to speak up next. But, when his moment passed, Gabriel knew he was just going to have to do it for him. “This is my friend, Sam, by the way.” He said and patted Sam’s shoulder firmly. “You girls know Sam, right?”  
  
Some of the girls looked to each other, not sure who he was. “Aren’t you Dean Winchester’s brother?” One spoke up, making Sam have to hold in a groan. Of course the only ones who would know him would just know him as Dean’s baby brother. “I think it was so sweet that he is dating Castiel and he stood up to Lisa for him. He’s so brave.” She said and sighed dreamily.

  
Sam resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Yeah, he is just great.” He muttered.  
  
Gabriel saw Sam start to lose it and he swooped in once again to save his bacon. “Yup, Dean is a swell guy, alright. But, if you think Dean is a stand-up guy, you should see Sammy here in action.”

“Hey, wait a minute, I know you.” Jess spoke up from where she was on the bench, making Sam’s heart nearly stop. “You’re in one of my classes, aren’t you?” She asked, giving Sam a warm smile.  
  
Sam stood there, opening his mouth to answer Jess, but absolutely nothing coming out. He knew he was making himself look like an idiot right now, but he just couldn’t come up with anything to say for the life of him. He was totally blowing it! Jess was right there talking to him and smiling at him with that beautiful smile of her…

“—Yeah?” Gabriel interjected since Sam was just standing there like a deer in the headlights. “You guys friends?” He asked.

Jess shrugged, her smile not dissipating. “I don’t really know him. Just seen him in class.”

“Huh. Well, anyhow, you girls have some time before practice don’t you?” Gabriel asked and took the hand of the brunette cheerleader who initially flirted with him. “How about we take a break together before you get back out there, sweetheart?” He asked, his tone nothing less than seductive. He got an excited nod of acceptance from the girl before wrapping his arm around her waist. “I’ll catch you all in a little bit.” Gabriel said and looked to Sam pointedly, letting him know nonverbally that this was his chance with Jess and he better not screw it up.

When Gabriel started walking away with the girl, Sam swore he was going to have a panic attack. He just stared after him, swallowing thickly before he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and saw it was Jess, giving him a sweet look that only Sam could ever find intimidating.    
  
“You want to sit with me until your friend comes back?” She asked him, scooting over a little on the bench to make room for him.

Though Sam was scared, he knew that if he didn’t say yes, he would lose any chance he ever could have with Jess forever. So, he held in his nerves for as long as he could and he nodded, giving her a small smile. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure. That would be nice. Thank you.” He sat beside the petite blonde girl, looking down at his shoes before glancing up at her. “So, uh…” What was Sam supposed to say now? This was so hard, he had no clue how in the hell Gabriel could be so damn casual and smooth with girls. “… Did you go that go to that party last weekend?” He asked slowly, hoping that would be a good starter conversation, even if he already knew the answer.

“Oh, yeah, I did!” Jess exclaimed. “Were you there too? It was pretty fun, wasn’t it?” She asked him conversationally.

Sam was surprised by how bubbly and open to conversation Jess was with him. He always knew that she was nice, but to actually be having a conversation with her and seeing how friendly she acted was relieving for Sam to say the least. “Yeah, I was there. I was with Gabriel mostly. I guess it was more fun than I had expected it would be.” He shrugged. “I’m uhm… I’m not really a party person. But, I’m sure that much is kind of obvious already.” He said quietly, knowing that Jess was probably well aware that Sam was not that great at socializing, thus not having been to many parties.

Jess tilted her head slightly in confusion. “I’m not sure what you mean by that.” She told him, furrowing her eyebrows a bit. She thought Sam seemed nice. A little shy, maybe. But, that did not mean anything. “So, you are good friends with Gabriel then?” She asked him.

“Uh, I don’t know about good friends…” Sam said slowly. “I mean, he is cool, I suppose."

“Oh? I just assumed you were close since Gabriel seemed pretty buddy-buddy with you.” She said thoughtfully and hummed, not knowing that Gabriel had gone over there to try and help Sam out with her.

Sam shrugged, hoping he was not externalizing how extremely nervous he really was. “I am still getting to know him, I guess. I met him not too long ago. I had dinner at his place with my brother and his boyfriend, since Cas is Gabriel’s brother and all. I actually kind of hated him at first. But, I guess he is not that bad of a guy once you get over how initially unbearable he is.”

Jess giggled at that, shaking her head. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I never officially talked to him before, but he does seem… Overly outgoing.” She admitted. “He seems to like you though! So, that’s always good, you know?” Jess said positively.

Okay, Sam was starting to feel like an idiot for having been so nervous to talk to Jess before. She was actually so approachable and nice. It just made Sam like her even more. “Yeah, you’re right, it is.” He smiled back at Jess, gaining a little more confidence. As he looked at her, he noticed her staring back, looking just as happy and interested as he was. It caught him off guard, honestly. But, he liked it.

After a quick moment of just staring at each other, they were interrupted by Jess’ squad member, telling her they had to start practice. She broke eye contact and nodded at the girl before directing her attention back to Sam. “I got to go out there. You going to stay here and watch?”

“Uh…” Sam wanted to stay, he really did; but he knew that he had studying and homework to do and he probably should be heading back home soon. “I would, but I can’t… Maybe another time, okay?” He asked, hoping he wasn’t losing his shot right now.

“That’s totally fine.” Jess guaranteed him. “It was really nice talking to you. You seem really sweet.” And if that didn’t make Sam’s day, he didn’t know if anything could. “I’ll see you in class, Sam.” With a small wave, Jess was heading over to the field where the squad was beginning to stretch.

Sam smiled to himself, feeling euphoric. Jess Moore, one of the most beautiful and apparently also one of the kindest girls he ever met not only wanted him to stick around, but she also thought he was _sweet_. This was a big step for Sam, and he honestly could not be happier in the moment.

Just then, Gabriel came back over to where the others were. “Thanks for the good time, sweets.” Gabriel said to the cheerleader he had spent time with and winked at her before patting her ass lightly. She smiled cutely and waved at him like an infatuated preteen would with a crush before saying goodbye and running off to practice. Gabriel chuckled and shook his head. “Peppy girls are great, Sammy. I gotta tell you.”

“Yeah, you got some lipstick on your upper lip.” Sam pointed out and rolled his eyes, laughing a bit.

Gabriel wiped his mouth to clean the remainder of the lipstick off before looking at Sam pointedly. “So? How did it go with blondie? You get her number? Make out? Go to third base?”

“Oh yeah, we went all the way on the bench in front of everyone in the past five minutes.” Sam jeered. “I just talked to her. She told me that she thought I was sweet and asked if I was staying to watch them practice but I said maybe another time.”  
  
“And why in the hell would you say that?!”  
  
“I have something called homework to do, Gabriel! I cannot drop my GPA to creepily sit here and watch Jess cheerlead.”

“Sammy, Sammy, Sammy…” Gabriel tsked. “Just so you know for future reference, if a girl ever asks if you want to stay and watch her cheerlead, you always say yes. Always.” Gabriel said seriously. “But, hey! At least she thinks that you’re sweet or whatever. That’s a good sign. You should talk to her in class, get to know her more, learn how to make her loins burn for you and all that jazz.”

“Remind me why we are hanging out again?” Sam joked.

“Because I’m irresistibly adorable and hilarious. Not to mention I’ve just proved myself to be an awesome wingman. You’re welcome.”

Sam had to admit, he would have never even dared to talk to Jess if it wasn’t for Gabriel. He did owe him for that. “Okay, fine, you’re right. On the wingman part only that is. The hilarious and adorable thing though… You need some work, my friend.”

“Zip it, Sammy. There is no point in projecting.” Gabriel teased right back, earning a light punch in the arm. “Ow! Okay, I kid, I kid.” Gabriel laughed and shoved Sam back before heading back to his car. Sam was just too easy of a target to not joke around with. Plus, Gabriel did admittedly like getting a reaction from him. Even though Sam had a front that he didn’t really like Gabriel that much, Gabriel knew better. He could tell Sam had a soft spot for him, even if he didn’t like showing it; and Gabriel did have a bit of a soft spot for Sam as well. He may have been a huge nerd and didn’t take jokes well, but Sam was still pretty cool. He knew that with a little time and some more confidence, he would be able to get Jess to like him too. Jess was going to be a lucky girl… A very lucky girl. Gabriel knew that he should be happy for Sam, and he really was. Hell, he set it all up so Sam could get closer with Jess after all. But, for some reason Gabriel felt a little weird about it all. He was not exactly sure why… Well, maybe he was sure why, and he just did not want to admit to it. In fact, that was exactly what was happening. But, Gabriel sucked it up, because this was not about him right now. This was about Sam, and Sam liked Jess a lot and wanted to date her. So, Gabriel would help him because under all the witty sarcasm and teasing Gabriel constantly smothered Sam with, he actually did care about him.

Maybe a little too much…

\-----------------------

The drive back to Castiel’s house was playful, filled with music and light hearted conversation as Dean casually drove with one hand on the wheel and the other on his boyfriend’s thigh. It was just a simple drive, but Dean really adored them. This precious time he shared with Castiel were moments that he cherished, even if it was just a ride to his house, or a conventional talk about their lives. Dean sometimes even liked these little times more than anything. It may look insignificant to outsiders, but not to Dean.

“We should go out together again sometime soon.” Castiel said as he looked out the window absently before turning back to Dean. “Wouldn’t that be fun, baby?”  
  
“Every time I’m with you it is fun, babe.” Dean told him and squeezed his thigh gently as he kept his eyes on the road.

“Now you’re just trying to butter me up.” Castiel giggled and shook his head.

“I am doing no such thing.”  
  
“Mhm, sure, Winchester.” Castiel scooted over in his seat and leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder. “If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?” He asked curiously.

“Anywhere? Hmm, that’s hard. I’m not really sure. Where would you go?” Dean asked him, glancing over to Cas.

“I want to go to Egypt.” Castiel said thoughtfully. “I think it would be so cool to see the pyramids and all the ruins.” He explained. “I like places that you can explore that have a lot if historical significance.”  
  
Dean hummed as he listened to him. “Well, then that is where I would want to go.”

“You cannot choose Egypt just because I did. Isn’t there another place that you just really want to travel to?”

“Not off the top of my head.” He said honestly. “I just want to be wherever you are.” Dean sweet-talked him.

“You are such a freaking teddy bear, Dean. It’s official, you are no longer the badass you once were.” Castiel bantered and kissed Dean’s cheek. “You sure are lucky that I like how cheesy you are.” He said just as Dean parked in front of Castiel’s house. The conversation had entranced Castiel to such a degree, he didn’t bother telling Dean to just leave him at the end of the street since his brothers were home. When Castiel looked out to his house, he felt his stomach drop. Michael was right outside of the house mowing the lawn. “Shit, shit, shit…” Castiel just could not get lucky could he? Before Castiel could tell Dean to just keep driving, he made direct eye contact with his older brother.

Yeah, Cas was screwed.

Michael was confused at first as to why this car just pulled up in front of their house, but as soon as he saw Castiel there, he just became suspicious. He remembered Castiel telling him that he had a friend, and apparently a girlfriend as well. He wanted to meet just who exactly these people he has been hanging out with were. So, he approached the car and looked to Castiel, raising one eyebrow at him in curiosity.

Castiel knew there was absolutely no way around this, so he would just have to pray to God that this worked out. He gave Dean a look that was a crossover between terrified and desperate. After a moment of prolonging, Castiel got out of the car and looked to his brother. “Hi… What are you doing home?”  
  
“I work the night shift tonight.” Michael told him as if he was already supposed to know. “Are you not happy to see me or something, Castiel?” He asked, narrowing his eyes slightly.

“N-No, of course not…” Before Castiel could say much more, Dean got out of the car and went over to Michael.  
  
“And just who may you be?” Michael questioned Dean, not looking that friendly at all. “You know, I like to know who drives home my brother.”

Dean just gave Michael a smile, not seeming that affected by the near death stare Michael had locked on him at the moment. “Hi, sorry, I should have probably met you earlier. I’m De—“

“Sam.” Castiel blurted out suddenly. He remembered that Lucifer had already told Michael that he was with a girl named Deanna, and if Dean said his real name, Castiel knew that Michael would figure out that something was going on here.

“Uh… Right.” Dean nodded, going along with it. “I’m Sam. It’s really nice to meet you. You must be Michael, correct?”

“Yes.” Michael nodded, not seeming to notice the lie that was being told to him. “How do you know that exactly?”  
  
“Lucky guess.” Dean shrugged lightly. “Cas has told me about his siblings and I just figured. Anyways, it is very nice to meet you.” He said politely and put his hand out to Michael.

Michael looked down at Dean’s hand that he was offering him for a long moment, as if thinking if he should accept it or not. He ended up taking it, giving Dean a firm handshake that Dean returned, still looking very confident. “So, Sam. How exactly did you meet my little brother?” He smirked as he spoke, watching Dean like a hawk as if just waiting for him to mess up somehow so he could tear him apart.

“I sat with him one day during a free period.” Dean said and chuckled softly. “Well, during his free period. Not mine.”  
  
“So, you met him while you were skipping a class?” Michael asked and scoffed. “Interesting. I did not imagine Castiel would be making friends with people who seem to not care about their education.”

“Michael.” Castiel muttered, giving him a stoic look. He did not want to stand here while Michael tried to berate his boyfriend. It just was not right.

“Besides skipping class and wasting your opportunities at school, what else do you do?” Michael continued, ignoring Castiel completely. “Do you have a job?”  
  
“Yes.” Dean replied slowly and nodded. “I work at an auto shop in town.”  
  
“An auto shop?”

“Yes, sir.” Dean wasn’t sure why Michael was trying to find something wrong with him right now. He supposed that he was beginning to understand just what Castiel was talking about when he said that it was difficult to deal with his siblings most of the time. “I actually plan on being a full time mechanic there once I finish with high school.”  
  
Michael shook his head, looking repulsed at Dean’s words. “You want to be a full time mechanic?” He repeated. “I mean, with you skipping classes and presenting yourself like… Well, how should I put it? Inadequately? Maybe being a mechanic is probably your best choice.” He grimaced.

Dean was quiet for a moment, really taking in what Michael just said. He hummed thoughtfully and nodded. “I really enjoy what I do and I am happy with myself. No disrespect, but I think that matters more than getting some big fancy job or going to med school and feeling utterly unfulfilled with my life to the point that I have to drag others down with me.” He retorted. Dean could sense the look of horror on Castiel’s face and of loathing on Michael’s, but he was not going to just stand there and get abused by someone who did not know the very first thing about him, but felt obligated to judge him.

“Is that so?” If this boy thought that he was going to be able to talk to him like that and get away with it, he had another thing coming. “I think that it is time that you head home, Sam.” Michael said simply. “Just to let you know, I do not want to see either you or your trashy gas guzzling piece of junk in front of my house again. It really is an eyesore to the neighborhood.”

“Michael!” Castiel exclaimed, in shock that Michael was being so incredibly rude to Dean. “He is my friend, you cannot talk to him like that.” He said, trying to keep his cool, but feeling totally outraged and embarrassed that Michael had to cause such a scene.

“Castiel, instead of whining to me you should go inside. I am sure that you have homework to do or something to work on before supper.” Michael gestured for Castiel to go inside, staying very stubborn.

Castiel shook his head, furious with his older brother. He looked to Dean apologetically and sighed. “I’m sorry… I’ll text you later.” He muttered before putting his head down and just walking inside, knowing that fighting Michael would get him absolutely nowhere. It just made him feel like shit that not only did Michael have to be an asshole to Dean for no reason, but he also had to humiliate Castiel in the process when Michael knew very well that Castiel did not have many friends.

When Castiel went inside, Dean just sighed heavily and crossed his arms, glaring at Michael. “You know, if you keep acting like that you’re going to find yourself very alone very fast. There really is only so much that a person can take.” He advised Michael.  
  
“And who are you to tell me that? Some punk who is trying to drag my little brother down the same sad, miserable path you are on?”

“No. I’m Castiel’s friend and I care about him and I know that he really does not appreciate the way you treat him. It is sad that you are his brother and you treat him in such a way that makes him nothing but sadder at the end of the day. You don’t want to him to be ‘dragged down’? Then how about you bring him up once in a while?” Dean told him firmly. Castiel deserved a brother that truly cared about him and wanted the best for him. What Michael just did was not be protective or caring and they both knew it. Castiel deserved a hell of a lot better than that. With that, Dean got back into his car and drove away with full intentions of calling Castiel when he got home to make sure that he was okay. Dean really cared about Castiel, even if members of his own family didn’t. Dean would always be there for him.

Michael just stared at Dean, feeling like there was a fire starting inside him with how much he disliked Castiel’s new friend. He was arrogant and disrespectful. He was not going to stand for Castiel to be spending time with such an insincere person. It would be bad influence for sure and that was the last thing that Castiel needed.  He headed inside the house, seeing Castiel in the living room and he just shook his head. “You decide to finally make friends and you pick that?” He asked distastefully. “Surely you could do better.”  
  
“I cannot believe you, Michael!” Castiel nearly exploded at him. “You know it is hard for me to make friends and you have to go and try and ruin it?! You don’t know anything about him and he was nothing but polite with you even after you were rude to him, and you have to be so mean! It’s uncalled for!”

“You think that what he said was polite? Did you not hear that comment he made about me? You want to be friends with someone who speaks against your own family? Really? I personally think you need to have a better choice in friends. That boy is nothing but a going nowhere delinquent. That is the company you want to have? People treat you depending on who you are around with, you do realize that, right?”  
  
“ _A delinquent_?! Michael, you cannot just say that kind of stuff about him! He is probably one of the nicest, most sincere people that I have ever met. I’m not going to stop being friends with him.” Castiel stood his ground, not wanting to back down about this. He was sick of being quiet and letting Michael dictate him. It was not right and Castiel wasn’t going to let him control his life and who he hung out with. He had always been so afraid of upsetting Michael and doing what he could so that he wouldn’t displease him, but he had enough. It was about time that he stood up for himself for once in his life. “I can associate myself with whoever I want. I can make decisions on my own. Plus, if you’re going to be this way, how about we say what this is actually about, because it is not about how he would make me look that you are concerned with. It’s about how you would look, right?” Castiel called him out. “You don’t want me to hangout with him because you can tell he is not on the same economic level we are on, right? He wants to be a mechanic and doesn’t have the most expensive clothes, so you don’t want me to be around him because then people will think less of the Novak name, right?” Castiel spat out knowingly. “You are ridiculous, Michael. It’s sad how concerned you are with the image that people have of you. Get a life.”

Michael was just about done with the disrespect he was getting today. “You have no right to speak to me in that manner, Castiel.”  
  
“You’re not dad! You’re never going to be him so stop trying to be!” Castiel yelled at him without even thinking. He knew it was uncalled for and he probably took this way too far, but Castiel was so upset and overwhelmed that he could not help it.

With tears in his eyes, he stormed to his room and slammed the door, locked it behind him. He got in his bed and wiped his eyes, angry at himself for crying. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. Castiel knew soon he would feel guilty for what he said to Michael, but for now he was still livid. If that was what happened when Michael just met Dean, Castiel did not want to imagine if he ever found out that Dean was his boyfriend and Castiel had been lying to him all this time about it. All hell would surely break loose. Castiel felt sick just at the thought, so he just hugged his stuffed dog that Dean got him to his chest and blocked it all out of his mind.

He needed to focus on the fact that soon Castiel would graduate and he would be free of all of this. He could live his own life however he wanted and be with Dean. It just hurt that his brother could not accept him for who he was. Castiel knew that if his parents were alive, things would be different. Even though they were very religious, he remembered his mom telling him that she would always love him no matter what. She was so accepting and kind and caring. All Castiel wanted right now was to hear that. He wanted his mom and dad back. But, he knew that couldn’t happen. Of course it couldn’t. So, Castiel just closed his eyes, soon lulling himself off to sleep, dreaming of better days and a better life with the man he loved. One day it would come. He would be have Dean and he would be happy, maybe with a little family of his own, and though he didn’t know much about the future now, he did know one thing for sure. If he ever had kids of his own, he would love and accept them no matter what, too. He would be dammed if he ever let his own children ever feel the way that he did right now.

 


	12. Neither Here, Nor There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's been forever! But, I couldn't let this die. I feel terrible because I never wanted to be that author that took such long breaks between chapters and leave all my readers waiting, and I am very sorry for that. I hope you all like the new chapter, I've been working hard on it. I'll do my best to try and get chapters out maybe once a month or so. Thank you to those who have stuck with me and my story and welcome to my new readers. Enjoy.

“ _The problem, simply put, is that we cannot choose everything simultaneously. So we live in danger of becoming paralyzed by indecision, terrified that every choice might be the wrong choice.”_

 

_―Elizabeth Gilbert_

 

Castiel locked himself in his room for the rest of the night, not bothering to go downstairs for family dinner. The last thing he needed right now was to have to have to listen to his siblings bicker about every insignificant detail in each other’s lives. Cas just could not put up with it right now. Plus, he didn’t want to face Michael once again. He knew he would just persist on arguing with him about Castiel’s _poor choices of friends_ in his boorish demeanor. If Castiel had to go through that same lecture again, he thought he may punch his older brother in the mouth.

 

It was too much to take in. Castiel was constantly being pushed by his siblings, and Michael was starting take things way too far. He could feel his anxiety and stress welling up inside him. Suffocating him. It was moment like this that made Castiel feel like there was a weight on his chest, pushing him down and making it hard for him to breathe. Before he even knew it, he found himself in his bathroom, his arm dripping in crimson claret, making a watercolor stain in his porcelain skin. Somewhere inside him he knew he was making a huge mistake. There were so many other ways to handle this situation, but Castiel was so used to this outlet that he did not even think twice before doing it. It was unnerving to think that he could let himself go so far so quickly. It barely even hurt anymore. It was almost relieving to open his old scars, in a twisted kind of way. But, Castiel paid it no mind. He supposed when it all came down to it, he was a twisted kind of person.

 

He let his razor blade glide on his pale forearm three times. The blood was paint and the sink was his wet canvas, creating both unparalleled and tragically beautiful artwork. It was easily mesmerizing. But, Castiel’s hypnotic state was promptly disrupted by the sound of someone knocking on the bathroom door, his serene mindset being hindered, heart jumping to his throat.

 

“I’m kind of busy in here!”

 

“Well, hurry up, will you?” Anna impatiently replied from the other side of the door. “I need to take a shower, if you don’t mind.”

 

Panic surged inside of Castiel, not sure what to do. “Just wait a second!” He croaked as he began washing his arms feverishly. Despite the amount of water he tried to rinse it off with, the blood continued to flow down his arm and dye his skin. In a quick attempt of trying to stop the bleeding, he grabbed some gauze wrap from under the sink and began wrapping his arm up frantically before tightening it and pulling his sweatshirt sleeve down. He did his best to clean the sink, hoping Anna would not notice the small pinkish stain that was left on the once immaculate porcelain. As he opened the door, he did not look her in the eye, not wanting to try and initiate any conversation with his sister.

 

Of course, he could never be so lucky though.

 

“Where are you off to in such a hurry?” Anna asked him curiously, looking from him to the bathroom as if expecting some suspicious activity.

 

“Nowhere” Castiel grumbled as he continued walking, hoping Anna would just leave at that.

 

But, Anna could easily tell something was up. Castiel was an open book, and wore his emotions on his sleeve despite how he always tried to keep things bottled up for the most part. “Yeah, right.” She scoffed, pulling him back by the hood of his sweatshirt. “What’s with you? And why were you not at dinner? It’s not fair that I have to suffer through that bullshit and you don’t.”

 

Castiel rolled his eyes in annoyance and shrugged. “I was not hungry. What do you want from me, Anna? I thought you were in a rush to go shower; why don’t you go do that instead of bugging me.”

 

Anna crossed her arms over her chest. “Since when did you get so rude?” She asked distastefully. “You have been hanging around Gabriel way too much, let me tell you that much. I thought you were the nice one out of all these assholes.”

 

“Will you quit trying to pick a fight with me, Anna?” Castiel looked at her desperately. He was not in the mood for this whatsoever. “I’m sorry if I was rude to you, alright. I just want to go to bed. Is that really so much to ask?”

 

Just as Anna opened her mouth to continue arguing, she saw the look that Castiel had on his face, seeming to almost be in tears. Crying usually never worked on Anna personally, but for some reason Castiel was able to make her feel kind of bad when he wore such an expression. “Okay, what is going on? Why are you so upset?”

 

“Do you care?”

 

“If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t bother asking. Now are you going to quit being a stubborn dick and just talk to me? It’s not a good look on you, honey. Trust me, we need more soft spoken reasonable people like you rather than translucent headstrong boys.” She informed him. “Come here.” Anna pulled Castiel to her room and sat both herself and her brother down on her own bed. “Now talk to me.”  
  
Castiel understood that Anna was trying to be helpful, and he did appreciate it to a degree, but he really did not want to get into this right now. Especially with someone who was basically famous for being incredibly judgmental. “There is just a lot going on.”

 

“He found out, didn’t he?” Anna blurted out, looking like she had been dying to say that this entire time and finally got it off her chest.

 

“What?” Castiel said slowly, looking nervous. “Did who find out about what?”

 

Anna groaned, unable to believe that Castiel was going to make her spell it out for him. “You know! Did Michael find out about Dean?” She clarified.

 

Castiel’s eyes widened and he shot off the bed. “You know about Dean?!” He asked, covering his mouth after he realized his voice was a little bit too loud. “How… How do you know about Dean?”  
  
“Uh… Earth to Castiel! Everyone at school knows. Your boyfriend basically shouted it in front of everyone at that party. It’s the newest gossip that every single person at school is talking about.” Anna explained to him. “It does not exactly get any more public than that.”

 

Castiel sighed heavily, almost completely forgetting about that. This was not going to be easy to keep secret for much longer and he was terrified for when the bomb was really going to go off and Michael would find out about Dean and all the lies that he had told to him. “Michael doesn’t know yet. But, he did catch Dean dropping me off at home and basically interrogated him. After being completely ill-mannered to him and trying to forbid me from seeing him, I got upset, as you could probably imagine.”

 

Anna listened to Castiel, her eyebrows scrunching up together as he spoke. “Wait, wait, wait… Michael is already giving you and Dean shit and he doesn’t even know that you’re together yet?” She asked and laughing half-heartedly. “You are in for hell on earth once he finds out, you do realize that, right?”

 

“Of course I realize that, Anna. That is exactly why I’m trying to keep it under wraps.”

 

“He is going to find out soon enough, you can’t exactly hide that forever, Cas. You know how Michael just creepily finds stuff out. Remember when he discovered that I was making out with my ex in his backseat after school instead of going to the library? I swear he has spies or something.” Anna told him seriously.

 

“No offense, but I do not think it must have been that hard to figure out that you were not at the library studying.” Castiel said honestly.

 

“Okay, that is probably true. But, still, how did he find out that I was making out with him in his backseat of all places? You cannot tell me it was just a lucky guess.” She countered. “He is so creepy! I don’t know how he knows everything, but he knows everything. It’s so annoying.”

 

Castiel nodded and sighed heavily as he leaned his head against his pillows. A silence filled the air after a few seconds before Castiel took the initiative to fill it. “So… What do you think?”

 

Anna turned her head to look at him, seeming confused. “What do I think of what? Michael’s creepiness? I think he seriously needs a life. Or to get laid. Or both.”

 

“No, not Michael. What do you think about Dean and I?”

 

“You and Dean?” She repeated and hummed in thought. “I have to say, I did not see that coming. I figured whenever you started dating it would be with some nerd like you. But, Dean Winchester? I was not expecting that at all.” Anna said and then took Castiel’s hand and gave it a small, dare he think, supportive, squeeze. “I’m proud of you, Cassie.”

 

Now that was not what Castiel was expecting to hear. “Proud?” Castiel was not sure of exactly what Anna was going to say about this. But, proud? That did not even cross his mind as a possibility.

 

“Yeah. I mean, you got like the hottest guy at school to be your boyfriend. That is impressive, if you ask me.” Anna shrugged.

 

“So, you don’t care that he’s like… A guy?”

 

Anna shook her head and leaned back on her bed as well. “No, I don’t care. I’m not a hard ass Bible thumping homophobe like Saint Michael is. I always kinda figured you were gay anyways.” She said honestly. She saw Cas’ look of surprised and laughed. “You have never shown any interest in girls, Cas. It is not that hard to put the pieces together. Plus, if you were to go gay for anyone, I get why it is Dean. He’s pretty dreamy.”  
  
Castiel hummed and gave her a little shove. “Well, he’s mine. So, don’t even think about it.” He teased, knowing that his sister would do a lot of questionable things, but she would never stoop that low.

 

“As if.” Anna replied and snorted. “I don’t want my brother’s used goods.” She said and then smirked a bit. “Speaking of… Have you guys done it yet?” She asked curiously, looking more intrigued than before.

 

A deep blush tinted Castiel’s cheeks at her comment and he groaned. “Anna! Why do you have to go and make things awkward like that? No, we have not… Done it. We have not even been dating for that long. I want to wait.”  
  
“I guess I should have expected as much. You always have been a good boy.” Castiel was very different from Anna. While she had no problem sleeping around with whoever she wanted without feeling morally wrong about it, she knew Castiel was much more reserved and would probably want to wait for the perfect person to stumble upon before he took that step. “And Dean is okay with waiting?” She asked, knowing Dean sort of had a reputation and she honestly didn’t see him as being one who would want to wait for sex.

 

Castiel looked down and smiled softly. “Yes.” He whispered. “Yes, he is okay with waiting. He really cares about me, Anna. He is an amazing person and he treats me very well. I know he wouldn’t ever rush me or make me feel pressured into anything like that… I love him, Anna.” He told her quietly, his eyes lighting up just at the fact that he knew he was in love with a man who shared mutual feelings and treated him with all the love and respect he could ever hope for.

 

“Aww, Cassie…” Anna grinned, a little touched by her brother consoling in her with something as huge as admitting to being in love. “I’m really happy for you. If he makes you that happy and you two have those feelings for each other, then that is all that matters. Don’t let Michael tear you down and ruin this for you. Don’t let anyone ruin it. That includes assholes in school like Lisa, who I will take care of if I see her starting trouble, by the way. She may think she is some bad bitch, but that is just because she has not tried to pick a fight with me and my family until now.” Anna was minatory as she spoke of Lisa, not above beating a miserable dumb girl up if she was picking on her brother.

 

Castiel laughed softly at her threat against Lisa. “I do not think that will be necessary, Anna. I do not want you to get in any trouble because of me, so don’t hurt her. I just need to ignore her because her comments really do not mean anything at the end of the day. So, if I ignore her she will eventually stop… Hopefully. But, thank you for offering your defense to me anyways. That’s kind of you.”  
  
“Yeah, well… You’re my brother. You may be lame but I still love you and won’t stand for someone trying to ruin something finally good that happened to you.” She explained before sitting up a little, looking around her room for something. “Oh, and that reminds me. This may not be the only good thing that happens to you.” She said and picked up a big envelope that was on the desk. “I found this in the mailbox today. It’s for you.”

 

Castiel took the envelope from his sister curiously, not exactly sure what it was before he saw the return address and he gasped out loud, his heart nearly stopping in his chest. There was no way… This was not possible. Though Castiel was a technically a junior, he had recently spoke with the school administration and since he was taking so many higher level courses, they had told him he would be able to graduate with the senior class if he so pleased. Castiel didn't have to think the decision over twice before accepting and immediately sending applications out of universities. Now he got a letter back. The letter he had been waiting for.

 

It was from Dartmouth, the Ivy League University he desired to go to above any others. He had dreamed of going to this school since he was in middle school, and to him, that was all that it was. A dream. Castiel knew he was good at school and it would not be a stretch to say that he was intelligent, but to get accepted into an Ivy League school was a challenge, even for some of the best and brightest students.

 

He stared at the unopened envelope in shock, feeling too afraid to open it. He swore he was about to have a heart attack. “Anna… This is… It’s...”

“I know what it is, just open it!” Anna encouraged him, looking just as anxious to see what was inside. “C’mon, Cassie don’t just stare at it, you’re driving me nuts!”

 

Castiel swallowed thickly, taking a few deep breaths before tearing the end of the envelope painfully slowly. Closing his eyes, he took out the first piece of paper in the front with shaking hands. He glanced down nervously and read the first twelve words. The twelve words he had been waiting so long to read.

 

_Dear Castiel Novak,_

_It is with our greatest pleasure to inform you…_

 

And with that, Castiel swore he could die happy right now. He dropped the letter onto his lap, unable to read any more of it. “I’m in.” He said quietly, his voice hoarse from emotion, tears of joy running down his cheeks. It was a moment that Castiel thought may never come. The beginning of his destiny. “Anna, I’m in… I’m in! I got accepted into Dartmouth!” He cheered, bouncing up and down with pure delight at the incredible news.

 

Anna squealed happily and gave Castiel a tight hug. “Congratulations! I knew you would get accepted. You’re way too much of a brain for them to deny you. They would have been idiots to say no to you.” Anna told him and ruffled his hair around. “See? When one good thing happens, usually more good things follow. Now you have a lot to be happy about. Don’t let anyone ruin that for you.” She said with a smile. “I’ll leave you to it then.” She said, seeing that her brother was overwhelmed with emotion and probably wanted some time for this all to really sink it.

 

As Anna left, Castiel laid down on her bed, his cheeks hurting from smiling so damn much. All his worries just went out to the window. He was accepted to his dream school! None of the bad shit that happened earlier did not matter right now. Castiel took his phone out and texted Dean to sneak over. He did not want to be alone right now, plus he could not wait to tell Dean the great news…

 

That was when reality hit Castiel like a bus.

 

Sure, Castiel had two amazing things in his life right now, like Anna so clearly had pointed out. He had Dean. Sweet, amazing, loving Dean. Probably the best person to come into his life to date. The boy he cared so deeply for and who he was sure he was in love with and loved him right back. And now he had Dartmouth. The school he had been dying to get into since he knew that he wanted to go to college.

 

But, he couldn’t have both.

 

If Castiel went to Dartmouth he would have to move to New Hampshire, which was way more than just a drive away from Lawrence, Kansas. Castiel’s stomach dropped at the realization. Of course this would happen. Even when things seem to be looking up for him for once he had to be sadly mistaken. He felt his phone buzz on his lap, seeing that Dean said he was on his way.

 

_Shit_.

 

How could he do this to Dean? How was he supposed to bring him here and be all happy just to tell him he would be leaving to the other side of the country for school in a year? It would break Dean’s heart. Hell, it was breaking his own heart right now. Castiel looked down at the letter he had just a moment ago been ecstatic about and sighed as he brought it to his room and put it in the drawer of his bedside table, hiding it away. He didn’t have to tell Dean anything right now. What was the point? He had not even made an official decision about if he wanted to go to Dartmouth or not. Why hurt Dean now when he did not even have to?

 

Castiel just quietly waited on his bed before he was startled by a knocking on his window. He looked over and saw Dean had climbed the tree beside his window to get to Castiel’s room. Cas got up and opened the window, helping Dean inside. “Baby, you scared me. You could have texted me to tell me you were here. I could have snuck you in from the back so you would not have to climb the tree. You could have hurt yourself.” He said with worry, leaning against his boyfriend after he was safely inside.

 

“It’s fine, babe. I didn’t want to risk having your brother catch me coming inside. I’m pretty sure that would not end very well.” Dean told him and ran his hand over Castiel’s back soothingly and kissed the top of his head. “I think I caused enough trouble with him as it was today.”  
  
“Oh, Dean, that was not your fault.” Castiel assured him. “Michael was a complete asshole for no reason at all. I am so sorry about that. You did not deserve that abuse at all.”  
  
“Cas, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it, okay? It’s not your fault either that your brother is overly sensitive and judgmental. I did not take anything to heart. Really, it’s cool.”  
  
“No, it’s not cool, Dean. That was anything but cool…”  
  
“I know, but there is nothing to do about it now. So, don’t bother worrying because it won’t do any good at all.” He said and sat down on Castiel’s bed, bringing his boyfriend onto his lap.

 Castiel did not want to let it go, because what Michael did was just plain wrong. He could not excuse his actions and pretend they were acceptable. It was so far from that. “I should have stood up for you before. I apologize for that.” He whispered and absently played with Dean’s hair, trying to relax himself. “I don’t deserve you.” The words fell out without Castiel even really giving much thought about it. He supposed it was what he was truly feeling in the moment.

 

Dean scrunched his eyebrows together and leaned back slightly. “What? Castiel don’t say shit like that.” He told him with a frown. “I mean it. Don’t say that. Of course you deserve me. If anything, it is the other way around.”

Castiel just shrugged, feeling kind of down after everything that happened today. From Michael’s uncalled for outburst, his self-mutilations, and now his current dilemma that he was hiding from Dean, Cas could say he had better days. “I don’t think so.” He managed to say, clearly upset.

 

It did not go unnoticed by Dean, who was starting to feel concerned. “Hey… Baby, what’s going on?” Dean asked gently, rubbing Castiel’s side. “Why are you so sad?” He asked, having a feeling this went beyond his and Michael’s confrontation. “Did he say something to you or something?”  
  
“No.” Castiel said quickly and shook his head. “I mean, yeah. He did, but… It’s not that. I just… I don’t want to talk about it.”

 

“Cas…” Dean insisted and bit his bottom lip and sighed. “You can talk to me. You know that. I’m here for you. I always will be.” He told him as he moved his hand to caress Castiel’s arm, feeling something thick underneath his sleeve. He paused in confusion and pulled the sleeve up slightly to see what it was.

 

At feeling Dean touch his arm, Cas winced slightly and looked at Dean with wide eyes, as if warning him to stop where he was. He did not say anything though. He knew what was under his sleeve and he had a feeling that Dean knew too. And he was scared for Dean to see. He did not want to see him like this. In his state of pure weakness and defeat.

 

Nervousness was radiating off Castiel and Dean quickly was catching on to how his boyfriend was feeling. “It’s okay.” He whispered. “It’s just me. Just Dean, baby.” He muttered soothingly and leaned in, gently pecking Castiel’s soft pink lips as he pulled his sleeve up slowly, as if trying to do it in a way that wouldn’t hurt him. Before either of them knew it, Castiel’s sleeve was rolled up, revealing the bandage. Dean took a small breath, their lips ghosting over one another. “It’s okay.” He repeated. “It’s alright, Castiel. I love you.” Dean could not let Castiel forget. Not for a single second. He would not let that happen. He refused.

 

Castiel was trembling now. Everything inside of him was screaming for him to pull away from Dean and hide. But, he just couldn’t move right now. It was Dean. His Dean. He knew that he could trust him. “I love you too…” Castiel said with a soft shudder. “Dean…” The word was almost inaudible, and his eyes were starting to get teary, not knowing what to do or how to feel right now.  
  
“Shh…” Dean hushed him and gave him another kiss. “You trust me, right?” He asked and after getting a small nod from the blue-eyed boy, he started to unwrap the bandages. Dean’s eyes stayed locked to Castiel’s, not wanting to make him more nervous than he already was. “I love you so much. No matter what. Always, baby.” Dean smiled at him and moved the bandage off him completely. He glanced down, seeing the cuts on Castiel’s arm, both new and old.

 

Castiel bowed his head, a few tears trickling down his cheeks, feeling so exposed and disgusting right now. He pulled back a bit, not wanting Dean to see him like this. The real him and how fucked up he truly was. He shook his head, pulling into a defensive little circle, never feeling so self-conscious.

 

Dean bit his lip and grabbed Castiel’s hand lightly. “Hey, hey… You’re okay. Baby, it’s alright, I promise it’s okay.” He assured him, not wanting to scare his boyfriend away. He knew this must have been so hard for him. Dean could barely imagine just how hard this probably was. Dean slowly pulled Cas’ hand closer and looked down on his wounded arm. He sighed softly and leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to one of Castiel’s scars. “I love you.” Dean told him. “I love you so much. I always will.” He kissed another. “Always, Cas. You’re my world.” Another kiss. “You’re beautiful. Smart. Incredible.” Dean told him, kissing each and every one of his scars.

 

Castiel stared down at Dean, unable to tell how much he was crying at this point. It was not out of sadness though He really could not believe that Dean wasn’t only looking at his scars and not moving away out of disgust, but he was kissing them. Kissing the worst part of him. The part he was most ashamed of. Most embarrassed about. Dean was kissing them, letting him know that he even loved the darkest parts of him. “I love you, too.” Castiel whispered wiping his eyes with his free hand. In that moment, Castiel knew he had never meant anything more in his entire life. He was so in love with Dean. He always would be too. Castiel just knew it. He felt in. He felt so much for this boy.

 

Dean smiled, his heart warming up at hearing Castiel tell him how he felt back. “I don’t care what happens. I got you. I’ll always have you.” Dean promised. “You got that, baby? Don’t ever forget that.”

 

Castiel nodded and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, hiding his face in his shoulder, holding on for dear life. He cried quietly against him, knowing he would not be judged or criticized or ridiculed. Dean was his rock. Dean loved him, and it was a beautiful thing.

 

Dean hugged him tight, letting him know that it was okay. Dean knew Castiel struggled a lot with both his family and his self-esteem. But, Dean didn’t care. Cas was his baby and he would be here for him no matter what happened. After a long hug, Dean moved them so their bodies were pressed against the mattress, continuing to hold him close. He stared at Castiel, a hint of a smile letting him know that things would be alright.

 

And that was all that Castiel needed.

 

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.” Dean ran his fingers on the palm of Castiel’s hand, tracing the unique little marks that made up the beautiful creature he could call his own. “The sense of calm you give me… How when I am with you, the fucked up stuff in this world disappears. None of that matters. You’re all I can see. All I can focus on. You’re a funny little thing that way.”

 

Castiel stared at the Dean as he spoke, knowing if anyone else said these things, he would determine them to be mentally insane. But, for some reason when Dean said it, he believed him. He would believe anything that came out of that boy’s mouth. He supposed he was dangerous that way. But, Castiel could not bring himself to care.

 

It did not take long before Castiel realized that he knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted Dean. Castiel closed the distance between them with a kiss, holding it there, not wanting that sense of pure affection to leave him. He could feel his heart racing at an alarming rate, his mind going fuzzy of all rational thought he once had. All he could see was Dean, and he felt safe. For the first time in his life, he felt protected. And he knew everything would be okay. Castiel deepened the kiss, putting his pale hand against Dean’s strong jaw, humming softly as he moved himself so he was straddling Dean’s lap, chests pressed together.

 

Dean reacted involuntarily, meeting every one of Castiel’s motions, staying in sync with him. He gripped Castiel’s hips and tugged him impossibly closer, unable to get enough. It was in that moment, Dean realized how far off the deep end he was.

 

Castiel was in his veins and Dean wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

“I love you…” Dean whispered, the words coming out breathlessly but with so much passion at the exact same time.

 

“Say it again.” Castiel begged.

 

“I love you, Castiel.”

 

There would never be a time where Castiel would get sick of hearing those words. He could say it a million times and a million times Castiel would believe him. He grabbed hold of Dean’s shirt, pulling it up without thinking. With Dean’s help, the shirt was soon left forgotten on the floor and Castiel’s shirt followed, Dean fumbling with the buttons of Castiel’s, not moving his lips from his boyfriends as he worked the shirt off. In moments, Dean rolled them over, changing position so he was on top, passionately showing his feelings through a physical state.

 

Castiel moved back a bit for a breath of air, the atmosphere being intense and sensual. There were so many emotions circling the two lovers; fear, tenderness, warmth, attachment. But, above all there was trust.

 

Before Castiel could tell Dean what he wanted and what he was ready for, Castiel heard a tiny knock on the door and his heart skipped. He looked over at the door and cursed under his breath. He forgot to lock it. Before he could tell Dean to hide, the door began to open, and the worst came to his mind. If it was Michael, he was dead. So dead. He would probably be kicked out of the house for this. Castiel really could not even begin to fathom just how screwed he was.

 

“Cassie?” Said a small voice coming from the door. It was then that Castiel realized that maybe he was not that screwed after all, seeing his baby brother Alfie was the one who had come in. He was still in his pajamas, holding a little stuffed bear in one hand as he used the other to wipe his tired eyes. “I had a nightmare.” He said quietly and began to walk to Castiel’s bed, stopping halfway when he realized that Castiel was not the only one in the bed. “Who’s that?” Alfie asked hesitantly, not recognizing the stranger and beginning to feel nervous.

 

Castiel sat up quickly, holding his hands out to the youngest Novak. The last thing that he needed was for Alfie to run out of here to Michael to tell him that there was a stranger in his room. “It’s alright, Alfie. You don’t have to be nervous, this is just a friend of mine.”

 

“A friend?” The boy repeated wearily.

 

Dean saw that this could either go really good or really bad, so he decided that he should probably intervene while he could. He sat beside Castiel on the bed and smiled at the little boy. “Yeah, I’m a friend of Cas’. I’m Dean, and you must be Alfie, right? Castiel has told me all about you. It’s really nice to meet you.” Dean spoke easily to the boy. Dean had always been good with children, liking them all very much and finding it to be enjoyable to talk to people that were so honest and pure.

 

Alfie stared at Dean, biting his lip lightly, still looking unsure about him. “Hello.” He said quietly, looking shy as he held Castiel’s hands that had previously been offered to him, finding comfort in his big brother.

 

Castiel picked Alfie up and put him on his lap, letting him make himself comfortable, leaning his head on Castiel’s warm chest. This whole situation was making Castiel slightly uneasy, especially when Dean told Alfie his real name, which did not line up with what they had told Michael. “He is a very good friend. But, you got to promise not to tell Michael that he is here, okay?”  
  
“Why not?” Alfie asked curiously, looking from Dean to Castiel with uncertainty.

 

“Because Michael does not know he is here and he will get mad. And I don’t want him to get mad. So, do you think you could keep it a secret between us?” He asked, really hoping that Alfie would agree. “If you promise, I’ll give you two cookies after dinner tomorrow.” He buttered him up for good measure.

 

Alfie hummed in thought before nodding. “Okay. I promise.” Alfie loved Castiel and even if he was not going to get an extra cookie out of it, he wanted to help his big brother because he did not like when Michael got mad and he did not want Castiel to get in any trouble.

 

Dean smiled in relief. “Thanks, Alfie. I really appreciate. You’re a pretty cool kid.” Dean said and ruffled the boy’s hair around a bit playfully.

 

Alfie giggled a bit at the hair tousling. “Do you want to be my friend too?” He asked in an innocently adorable way that would melt even the cruelest of hearts. He always looked up to Castiel and if Dean was Castiel’s friend, then he wanted to be his friend too.

 

“Of course! I would love to be your friend, little man.” Dean said and held his hand out for a high-five that Alfie lightly returned. “So, you had a nightmare, huh? That doesn’t sound too fun.” He said and hummed as Alfie nodded his head sadly. “Well, that’s alright. Because you know what you must do to make sure that none of your nightmares come true, right?”

 

Alfie tilted his head a bit. “No. What do I do? I don’t want any monsters to eat me!” He distressed.

 

“Well, you got to tell those monsters that you’re stronger than them and that you are not afraid of them. Even if sometimes you are afraid. Because once you tell them that you are not afraid, they’ll leave you alone because they would not want to fight you. They would totally lose!”

  
“Really?!” Alfie had never heard that information before. He wished that he had, that way he would not have to be so scared.

 

Dean nodded. “Yup! That’s right. Just tell them you’re not afraid and to leave you alone and they will.”

 

Castiel felt heart-warmed at seeing his boyfriend act so sweet and nice to his little brother. He had no idea that he was so good with kids. It was beyond an endearing quality in Castiel’s eyes. Any guy who was so good with children was twice as hot in his opinion and it just made Castiel realize how much more he loved Dean. He was everything that Castiel wanted and more. “He’s right.” He agreed. “But, you can still sleep here if you want to.” He offered, not wanting Alfie to go to bed alone if he really was scared.

 

Alfie thought about it and nuzzled a little closer to Castiel. “… Is it okay if I stay?” He asked, giving Castiel sweet eyes, hoping that he would let him sleep with him still.

 

“Sure, you know you’re always welcome to sleep here.” Castiel kissed the side of Alfie’s head and squeezed him closer. He put his little brother between him and Dean securely. Dean laid down and to his surprise, Alfie grabbed his hand for protection and support. Dean was touched by the gesture and lightly squeezed his hand as Alfie closed his eyes to go back to sleep.

 

It amazed Castiel just how perfect Dean was. Castiel was so lucky to have him to call his own. How could he ever leave Dean for college? How could he give up such a wonderful soul who, as cheesy as it sounded, really did complete him. Dean understood him and listened to him and made Castiel so happy. Now after seeing how great Dean was with Alfie, it made him think about how it would be if one day he had a child with Dean and what a good father he would be. He knew that wouldn’t have for a long time, but when Castiel was with Dean, it did not seem like something crazy and far-fetched. Time was not the same when he was with Dean. Forever seemed realistic. And Castiel knew he couldn’t feel this with just anyone. He was blessed to have this beautiful soul in his life. He could not leave him. He just couldn’t.

 

He took a small breath and closed his eyes, trying to pretend like he did not have to worry about this. Right now, everything was okay. It was just him, Alfie and Dean. And what more could he truly ask for?

 

\-----------------------

 

The night went by slowly for Castiel, sleeping uneasily in his bed. He kept waking up, trying to shift positions and keep his mind clear so he could just fall asleep once and for all. But, the more he seemed to try, the harder it was for him. There was just so much on his mind that he could not stop thinking about the choices he would soon have to make. Eventually, Castiel gave up, accepting his defeat against his racing mind. With a small sigh, he turned to face Alfie and Dean who were both still fast asleep. Alfie had moved in the middle of the night, resting his little arm over Dean’s chest. It was probably one of the sweetest things he had ever witnessed. The two of them were probably Castiel’s favorite people and to see them get on so well made Castiel very happy.

 

The last thing that Castiel wanted was to ruin the perfect moment, so he let them be, making sure to snap a quick picture of them on his phone first for memories sake. He got up, thinking he would surprise the two by making them a nice breakfast, probably chocolate chip pancakes since they were Alfie’s favorite and he figured that would be something that Dean would enjoy as well. They deserved something nice like that. The two of them were both so incredibly sweet and in returned deserved something sweet.

 

As he went to the kitchen, he saw that Gabriel had already beat him there. “Oh. Gabe, what are you doing here so early?” He asked in surprise. “It’s seven in the morning; I had no idea you could even be awake earlier than eleven. Especially on a weekend!” He teased lightly, though he was curious as to what got him up at such an hour.

 

Gabriel answered Castiel with a shrug, sipping the slightly burnt hot chocolate he had made for himself before holding it close to his chest to keep him warm. “Guess there is a first for everything.” He replied dryly.

 

“You okay?” It was not like Gabriel to be so quiet rather than snarky, his wit seeming to be dimmed.

 

“I’m fine.” Gabriel brushed it off. “What about you? I heard congratulations are in order.”  
  
Castiel held in a groan. “Did Anna tell you?” He asked. “I wish she didn’t do that…”

 

“Why?” Gabriel furrowed his brow. “Isn’t this like, your dream? You have only been talking about Dartmouth since forever. Why do you look so upset?”

 

Castiel ran a hand through his hair, feeling a headache already coming on just from thinking about it. “It is my dream, Gabe. But… Things aren’t very simple anymore. I cannot just think about myself anymore. I’m not even sure if I want to go and leave… The people back home.” Castiel said vaguely, just in case anyone was listening who he did not want to be.

 

That cleared things up for Gabriel well and he nodded in understanding. “Gotcha. Damn… That sucks. What are you going to do?” He leaned his elbow on the kitchen counter, his chin being supported by his hand.

 

“I have no idea.”  
  
“Does he know?”  
  
“No… I can’t tell him.” Castiel felt terrible for hiding this from Dean. He knew he should have been honest, and he would be eventually, he just had to find the words for it. “I will once I figure out what I’m doing. But, for now he’s happy in the dark and I don’t want to wake him up and ruin his day.”

Gabriel listened to his brother and hummed. “He’s going to find out one way or another. You should probably tell him soon. If I was him that is what I would want.” He said and smirked a bit at Castiel, the only little gesture that he did that was normal to his usual self. “You don’t want to wake him up?” He repeated. “Is he sleeping here?”

Castiel smacked Gabriel’s arm lightly because he was talking entirely too loud right now. “Gabriel! Will you please be quiet!”

 

“Woah, no need to hit!” Gabriel pouted and smacked Castiel’s arm back for pay back. “He is then?” He asked, clearly knowing the answer just by the look on his brother’s face. “Damn. So much for being the good child.” He commented and shook his head.

 

“Will you quit it?” Castiel asked. “I know I am not supposed to have him here. But, the reasons for that are unjust and unfair. Everyone gets to have whoever they want over and for Dean to be excluded just because Michael is a jerk is not a good enough reason.”  
  
“You don’t have to explain it to me, you know? I get it.”

 

Castiel bit his lip and sighed deeply, clearly troubled. “I can’t tell him, Gabriel. It’ going to destroy him. And what if I don’t even go? Then there would be no point to telling him.”

 

Gabriel raised an eyebrow at Castiel. “You’re not going to go to Dartmouth?”  
  
“I don’t know…”  
  
“It’s your dream.”  
  
“I know.” Castiel whispered, looking down. “But, dreams change.”  
  
That one caught Gabriel a bit by surprise. “What’s your dream now then?”

 

“Dean.” It came out without a single thought or question about it. “Dean was my dream. He always has been. I always wanted someone like him. Someone to take care of me and protect me and… And love me.”  
  
“Love?” His brother repeated slowly, eyes widening.

 

“Love.” Castiel said confidently, never being so sure about anything in his life. “I love him in his entirety. With all his flaws and missteps. It’s something special. Something I never could have thought I would be able to feel, but now I’m feeling it, Gabe. He was my dream and now he’s my reality. Now tell me, how am I supposed to let that go?” Castiel asked more to himself than anything. It was the question that rattled inside his mind and would not leave him alone.

 

This whole situation was a lot more complicated than Gabriel had thought. His baby brother was in love. That was something alright… But, Gabriel also knew how bad Castiel had wanted to go to this university. And now he got accepted. To give that up would be devastating. “I think you should do what your heart is telling you… God, that sounds corny.” He made a face at his own words. “But, in all honesty… Either way you’re going to get something you want and get hurt. So, you got to outweigh your options.”  
  
“What’s your opinion?”  
  
“My opinion? I just told you.”  
  
“No.” Castiel said a bit louder. “What would you do? If you were me?”

Gabriel rubbed the back of his neck lightly in thought. “Love is not easy to find. I think it’s something unique and special. Not everyone is lucky enough to find real love. Some people would die for it. So, in my opinion, if you have something real and you give it up… I think that’s a real shame.”

 

The words his brother was saying were hitting Castiel hard. “You’re right.” He agreed. He had to really think this over, not wanting to make the wrong decision and regret it forever. “I just need time right now. I need to get my head straight… What about you?” Castiel said, wanting to shift the conversation for now. “How have you been? How was hanging out with Sam yesterday?”

 

“Huh? Oh, it was fine.” Gabriel left it at that and went to the refrigerator and grabbed some orange juice, drinking it out of the carton in an unrefined manner.

 

“Well, that was detailed.” Castiel scoffed and rolled his eyes.

 

“What do you want? We hung out after school for a little bit and then we went home.” He was not sure why Castiel was pushing the topic so much or why he cared for that matter.

 

It was clear that something was up by Gabriel’s demeaner. “Okay, what is going on?” Castiel asked. “You go from constantly being all over Sam and him hating you to suddenly you guys being friends at that party and then hanging out, and now you don’t want to even mention him? This is all a little fishy if you ask me.”

 

“What is fishy about it? You’re looking too much into it.” He said simply. “You want the details? Fine, we went to the field, smoked weed, and Sam flirted with some cheerleader then we left. The end. Was that as extravagant of an answer for you?” Attitude leaked from his voice, clearly not seeming very happy at all with Castiel’s probing. Or at least that seemed to be the reason why he was so irritated.

 

“Wait a minute… Sam was smoking weed with you?!” Castiel asked and frowned deeply. “Gabriel, are you crazy?! You cannot let Sam smoke with you! Do you have any idea what would happen if Dean found out?”

 

“He wouldn’t give a shit?”  
  
Castiel groaned at his brother’s arrogance. “Of course he would, you imbecilic! Sam is his little brother and a good kid and you cannot be providing him with drugs.”

 

“God, you are freaking annoying, Cas. Sorry I am such a terrible fucking person, okay?”  
  
“Oh, don’t you turn this into some pity party when all I am saying is that if Sam is not doing drugs you should not be tempting him with it. He’s only a kid.”

 

Gabriel was beyond aggravated at this point. “Whatever, Cas.” He muttered in defeat.                  

 

Obviously, there was something going on with Gabriel right now. He never gave up that easily. “So, who is this cheerleader?” Castiel asked slowly, trying to get a feel of the situation at hand.

 

“What? I don’t know. Some girl Sam has the hots for.” Gabriel shrugged indifferently, which basically told Castiel everything that he needed to know.

 

Castiel may not have always had a close relationship with his siblings, but he knew Gabriel the best and he knew that look on Gabriel’s face. As much as he wanted to seem detached, it was clear something was bothering him about this. “Do you not like the girl or something?” Castiel continued to ask, starting to get an idea of what was going on.

 

Gabriel shrugged. “I don’t even know her. I cannot exactly have anything against somebody I don’t even know. If Sam likes her I guess she is cool, I don’t know. Why are you asking?” He asked a bit more defensive then necessary. Gabriel was not sure why he was being so uptight. He had a good time hanging out with Sam yesterday. For some reason, he just felt sensitive about talking about Sam with this girl.

 

Castiel saw right through that little act of his. “I was just curious, no need to jump down my throat about it.” He told him slowly, biting his lip in thought before speaking up again. “You just don’t seem to be very happy about this girl. I mean, I saw how you were acting with Sam so— “

 

“What is that supposed to mean? Acting with Sam how?” Gabriel interrupted, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“Well… You did seem to like to tease him a lot when you first met. Then the party happened and I guess you guys sort of hit it off. And now he is interested in someone else, so I’m just saying that I understand why that would bother you…” Castiel made sure to be careful of his wording, not wanting to make Gabriel upset or anything. “It’s none of my business but I just don’t like to see you sad.”  
  
Gabriel knew exactly what Castiel was getting at and though his first reaction was to lash out at his brother for such an accusation, he knew deep down that Castiel was right after all. He just took a small breath and hunched his shoulders. “Sam is allowed to like whoever he wants. That is not up to me, nor should I have any say in it. If he is happy then that is all that really matters.” Gabriel muttered. “Who am I to get involved in that?”

 

“I guess… But, you know, Dean and I saw Sam right before he went to hang out with you and he seemed excited, and a little flustered when we questioned him about it. He kind of reminded me of myself when I first was going to go out with Dean…” Castiel mused and smiled at his brother. “Look, maybe who Sam likes is all up to him, but don’t just roll over if you know what you want and Sam might feel the same way. That’s not the Gabriel I know and love.” Castiel encouraged and laughed softly, patting his brother’s shoulder.

 

“When did you get to be some love guru, Cas?” Gabriel scoffed softly, but smiled anyways at his little brother.

  
“Hmm, maybe when I fell in love with an amazing guy.” Castiel chirped happily as he went to the stove and began to cook the pancakes and some bacon for him and his loved one who was probably still sleeping soundly in his room. “You want anything?”  
  
“As tempting as homecooked bacon is, I think I’ll pass this time. I’m going try and meet up with Sam for breakfast.” Gabriel decided. Maybe Castiel was right. He knew what he wanted and if he did not even try with Sam, he knew he would forever regret it. If it didn’t work out in the end, at least he would be able to know he gave it his best effort.

 

“There you go.” Castiel smiled to himself as he started putting the batter in the pan. “Have fun. No smoking!” Castiel called out to his brother who was already half-way out the door. He knew that there was something there between Sam and Gabriel when he had talked to Sam the other day. It was nice to know that he was not just going crazy. Plus, in Castiel’s eyes, it was very cute. Sure, Sam was very innocent compared to Gabriel who was quite rebellious and had an erratic personality, he thought that the two of them would balance each other out nicely. He just hoped things worked out well and didn’t blow up in their face. Castiel was still not completely sure what the deal was with this cheerleader that seemed to catch Sam’s eye, but hopefully it all worked out for the best, whatever that meant. As long as Gabriel did not get hurt in the end was what Castiel really cared for.

 

After Gabriel left, Castiel focused on making his special breakfast for Dean to surprise him when he woke up. He got out a tray and put two plates on it for the pancake stacks and bacon as well as some orange juice. He carried the tray that was made completely with love, up to his boyfriend. When he got to his room, to his surprise, he saw that Dean was already awake, sitting up and looking down at some paper, Alfie no longer in the room. “Aw, what are you doing up so early? I was going to wake you up with a surprise breakfast!” Castiel said and went over to Dean, kissing the side of his head. “Good morning, sweetheart. Where is Alfie? He wake you up?”

 

Dean was quiet, looking up at Castiel with a blank expression on his face. “Yeah. He went back to his room a little while ago.” He told him simply.

 

Castiel gave Dean a slightly confused look. “Are you alright?” He asked, immediately feeling like something was off with him. He was acting very strange. “Did you not sleep well or something, baby?” He ran a hand gently over Dean’s hair, beginning to get concerned.

 

Dean moved away a bit at Castiel’s touch, standing up to keep distant. That was when Castel knew that something was going on. “Dean…” Castiel’s heart began to clench uncomfortably and his stomach knotted when Dean moved away from him. “What is going on? Talk to me.”  
  
Dean turned away, staying eerily quiet for a minute or so, though to Castiel it felt like an hour. That was before Dean did decide to speak, and little did Castiel know that he probably should have wished that he didn’t. “Talk to you?” Dean laughed humorlessly at that, shaking his head as he paced Castiel’s floor. “You want me to talk to you, Cas? Why? You don’t seem to pay me the same respect.” He said, looking more hurt right now than angry, and Castiel’s heart started to race, not knowing what was going on. That was until Dean went over to Castiel’s dresser and pulled out the envelope he had received from Dartmouth just yesterday. “You want to tell me why you didn’t tell me about this?” He asked and tossed the envelope at Cas, clearly upset.

 

Castiel was screwed. So, so screwed. “Where did you find that?” He asked quickly, not sure what to tell him right now.”  
  
“Does it really matter?” Dean asked in an accusing manner.  
  
“Dean, I was going to tell you— “

 

“Right. Of course you were. You just conveniently forgot, right?”

 

“No!”

 

“Then what? How long have you known about this? How long were you going to string me along for, Cas?”

 

Castiel stood up, feeling not only hurt, but a little insulted as well. “Excuse me? String you along? Are you kidding me, Dean? How could you even say that? I just got that letter yesterday. I have not even decided if I want to go or not yet, that’s why I didn’t tell you. Not that I should even be explaining myself after you jump all over me like that.”

 

Dean leaned against the wall, just shaking his head. “You can’t not go, Cas.”  
  
“I can do whatever I want, Dean. I’m not sure if I am going or not… I might. It’s what I have always wanted but— “

 

“But, what?” Dean asked. “But, me?”  
  
Castiel swallowed thickly, honestly feeling sick. “Yes… I don’t want to leave you.” His words got caught slightly from emotion.  
  
“Don’t.” Dean stopped him before he could say anything. “If the reason you are not going to go is because of me, you can forget it. I’m not holding you back, Cas.” Dean told him bluntly. “I’m not going to do that to you… I’d never want to be the reason you don’t go for something that you want.”

 

Castiel groaned and sat back down, feeling weak and light headed from all of this. “I love you, Dean… And yes, this school is a wonderful opportunity for me but it’s not the only thing that matters anymore. Now I have you and if I lost you…” Castiel didn’t even like considering it. “Dean, please don’t be mad at me.” He whispered.

 

Dean was not mad. He was just kind of crushed, feeling himself become absorbed in a moral dilemma. He was going to stick by what he said. There was no way he would let Castiel stay here and not pursue something he really wanted just because of him. But, if he lost Castiel and he moved so far away… Dean didn’t know what he would do. He just fell so hard for Castiel and to know his time with him may be on a clock now… It was painful. “I got to go, Cas…” Dean couldn’t do this right now. He needed time to think. Time to not think. Time to take this all in and try and forget about it all at the same time.

 

Those words struck Castiel like a knife in the heart. “Dean, no, don’t leave. Just… Stay. We can talk about it and figure this all out.” He said, starting to cry. “Just don’t leave me, please… I’m sorry.” Losing Dean in a few months to college was one thing, but to lose him right now would paralyze him.

 

Seeing those tears fall down his boyfriend’s face were hard to take in, especially since he knew that he was the cause of them right now. “I’m sorry. I just… I need space and I think that you do too.” With that, Dean gave Castiel one more lingering look before going back out of his window that he had entered from.

 

The mere thought of losing Castiel in as soon as a few more months was harrowing. Dean had become so attached in such a short amount of time. Maybe he should have been more careful. Attachment was the root of all disappointment. But, when it came to Castiel he couldn’t help but to have fell right in. He didn’t even want to help it. Dean never had anything so great in his life. Never had someone outside of his brother who cared so much. Now that he knew that he could lose him…It left him feeling hollow and desolate. He could not do anything about it though. So, he just took himself home, trying to not think about a life without Castiel Novak. For, he knew that the only thing worse than never having such a person in his life that made the world feel extraordinary and like there was no such thing as feeling alone, was to have a person like that for a short amount of time, just to get a taste of it and have them ripped away from him, taking part of his heart away with them.

 

And that is exactly how he felt right now. Heart slowly being tugged by a pulling string that could easily leave him dismantled and broken. A type of broken Dean knew he could never recover from.

 


End file.
